Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I didn’t sleep over but I went to his house. I’m going to talk to my teenagers about it properly this weekend

So we haven’t really defined anything at all about what this is between us, I think he would like to on some level but there isn’t really an urgent need to - he’s told me how much he likes me (thinks he’s falling for me) and we know we aren’t talking to or seeing anyone. We seem to have a really good solid connection from the friendship reconnection from April and it was a slow start transferring it to sexual chemistry/romance but it is there I was so worried about it! It was hot and heavy and also fun. Also wasn’t disappointed at ALL with the package

we are very affectionate now too which is exactly what I want in a partner. Someone who will lie with me stroking my hair while we talk crap 😂
Totally in the honeymoon period now I think! I love this bit, long may it last!

The only red flag has been really that I think isn’t really a flag but he is very much a worrier and over thinker also I think he’s like 10 steps ahead of me in the smitten stakes, am getting there but just wasn’t at the same pace as him. But he’s patient and understanding about that

namechangecareerchange just go and enjoy the picnic tomorrow. No pressure,which after the previous guy I think this is what you need.
Enjoy meeting other people and once you're back at work with the colleague,well,you may be in a different head space.
Good for you for joining old, read the rules and try and enjoy the world of dating

Hi @Notcoolmum and everyone else

Me and Mr Ad are still going strong-10 months today!

He has found his own place to rent back where he lived (about an hour away) and I’m helping him move in in a week or so. He will have been here just over 3 months so will miss him but we are both looking forward to getting our space back. We never intended to live together so soon (or at all for that matter!) so I think we’ve all done really well!

Re sleeping. He can’t/won’t fall asleep without watching something and I don’t have a tv in my bedroom so I have to go to sleep with him watching YouTube on his phone or playing a games console in bed. He wears headphones but still annoying!
I am also an earlier riser than him but if I am awake before him I just get up and do stuff or go for a run. That’s the beauty of being at my own home!

Looking forward to going to see him at his new place and sleeping on my own again but love him dearly 😂

Any major news I’ve missed while I’ve been on the smitten bench...?

Loving all these successful date updates!

Gives me a bit of hope.

I'm thinking about leaving fab, obviously it's mostly a sex/hookup site although there are men that want more, it's a rarity. I think I have come to the conclusion that I want more than a fwb.

The good thing about fab is that it's 'ok' to discuss sexual preferences almost straight away. I'm finding tinder hard because it's not typical to have that chat. Sex isn't the only thing but it's very important to me that someone likes the same things as me.
Am I supposed to just date and then dtd and hope we are compatible?

@30somethingandstillsingle
Sorry to hear you're leaving fab, all the men I met on there were up for FWB, none were looking for relationships for various reasons and that was ok with me as neither was I.

The guy I'm now exclusive with was adamant he wasnt planning on a proper relationship for 5 or 6 years until his son grew up as his son came first and in his experience the women he met previously wanted to see him at weekends which is when he had his son.

Somehow as time went on he liked me more than a FWB and we started hanging out more and more and I had my teenage daughter every weekend so I wasnt fussed about seeing him and it kind of grew from there so if you're willing to wait it might happen.

I think it was 4 months from first meeting to first realising that he liked me more than a FWB but we didnt discuss it properly until 2 weeks ago.

If sex is your number 1 criteria over looks, personality etc then it should definitely be brought up very early on but if it's not number 1 then I would suggest some chatting, a social distance meet and if you still like him bring up your sexual preferences and see what he says otherwise you could tell loads of men your preferences and not even get past a 24hr chat.

@kerkyra thank you - nice and relaxed start! I will stick to the rules (although what is number 10?!). And might not be able to do a loo update because there won't be any!!

So nice to see some lovely stories here.

I'm just getting ready to lose my OLD virginity. Being 15 again trying on different tops that he definitely won't see cos they'll be under a jumper and it's bloody cold. 🙄
Happy Sunday everyone.

So pleased to see good news on here - and very pleased for you @Menora!

I have date 3 with Mr Mountain Bike today - another socially distanced walk (which we both like). Getting frustrated though because I really want to kiss him, but I don’t really want to do it and have him running down the road wiping his sleeve across his face shouting “but what about the virus?!). He’s also coming round for dinner on Tuesday so I need to get my cooking game face on. Apart from the underlying sexual tension frustrations it’s all going well - he’s really lovely. I think I need to have a convo with him about maybe breaking the social distancing rules.

@sortingitout
Thank you. I'm just thinking about leaving fab, haven't decided whether to or not. It's just frustrating, there are so many married men on there pretending to be single and it's tiresome having to weed them out.
Sex isn't number 1, but it is important to me.

I would just like a date, seems impossible to get either on Tinder or Fab (most of the men on fab that message live too far away too).

@chockaholic72 I think the discussion will be needed and if he is coming round for dinner then it shows he might not be as rigid to the rules.
Social distancing was the last thing in Mr Smiles mind Friday night. We have just been texting back and forth and I know it's just talk at the moment but he said he wants many more dates with me.

Can someone come and slap me please and tell me to go on the first dates with other irons as I have been in this position too many times before. I know I should just to cement that there is a reason I like Mr Smile and that there is a reason that it feels good/natural with him.
There isn't anything lost by going on other first dates is there?

@30somethingandstillsingle did you meet Mr America this weekend?

echo looks like you may have to decide soon if you can see a romantic connection from your side. He sounds very smitten! Can you see yourself fancying him?

Name change,dating the thread isn't looked apon favourably. I think a couple of people have met through here but it's more of a safe place. One guy a year ago on here viewed my pof profile as some of us were asking for advice and after he said he would 'swipe right' on me and then a wink emoji. The thread had some probs with him and he was soon gone.
The couple of guys on here however are sound and decent and have helped many.

dancerinthemoonlight if it was me I would stick with just him and give it a go......but that's because I don't usually have many options at the moment! If you have other irons and are not 100% into mr smiles then pull back abit and date others.

I think dating a few people stops you from getting too emotionally invested and hurt if anything was to go wrong,but then youre not giving that one person you quite like 'your all'. Enjoy your meal with him and see where he is with it all?

@dancerinthemoonlight
No 8 haven't met Mr America yet. I'm not sure about him tbh.

Mr W has set my spidey senses tingling from a few comments so I have backed off from him a bit too.

@shitwithsugaron nice to see you’ve met someone - has this been during lockdown?

Yes, I guess I wasn’t really sure what I was looking for in a relationship post separation but I know now that it involves my own space and time with my kids.

I guess it’s all different this time round. When I met my ex I was very young and wanted the mortgage/marriage/kids thing.

I am now 41 and have no desire to do any of those things again. I want to be independent financially and emotionally and have someone to spend time with, care for and have them care back. I think I’ve found that and he feels the same, which is a good job really!

I'm 100% into Mr Smile but then I worry because I have been in the position so many times of being into someone and then it ending. I said I wasn't going to put all my eggs in one basket but I want to.
As dates go though it's been the best date i have ever been on and I have been on a lot. I felt so comfortable in his presence straight away, no awquard silences, the few silences were the comfortable kind where you can be with someone and not have to say anything. We talked for hours after the walk, he said he would come on all my walks with me if he lived closer (only a 30 minute drive). We laid on my bed cuddling, him combing his hands through my hair/playing with it just listening to music. Was the first time I have felt completely at peace with someone.

I suppose it's also partly because I was talking to a friend about things and dating cropped up. I said how rubbish it had been lately, being ghosted etc and asked them if they knew anyone single with a list of things I was looking for. 3 weeks go by and then I swipe on Mr Smile, he has basically every single thing I listed that I was looking for

Back from my date with new iron - who I shall call MrExtreme 😁

It was lovely. He is exactly as he came across of messaging/calls, we got on well and I fancied him loads. He said at the end that hed like to meet again and I agreed. However I cant help thinking that I'm not really his type and feel I may be a bit boring for him based on his lifestyle, hobbies etc as I'm just a normal mid forties single mom to 3 young kids 🤷‍♀️ so if we do meet again I cant see it being more than a short term fun thing but I'm ok with that

Then just take it slowly dancer,that's all you can really do.

I think most of us have had lots of short relationships( if you can call them that) that last 3mnths, when it's all so good and happy then suddenly it crashes and burns.
But lots of great happy stories on here too,which gives everyone hope! Like sunshine :)

@cravingthelook @Misty9 @Ant330. After a long text discussion, he invited me round last night (we have bubbled up). I find him very attractive, so I’m going to see how it goes.
@Menora. I believe your children may be around the same age as mine. Mine are 15/17, nearly 16/18. I don’t know how to approach me staying over at some point? I think they’ll be ick at the thought....it was bad enough when their dad was caught having an affair!

@kerkyra I'm going to take it slowly and enjoy it. I have had a series of short relationships/beginning of dating that lasted 3 months for each of them. I went into detail on it in a previous thread. I love reading all the success stories on here and it gives me hope.
I'd say the date definitely went very well in Mr Smiles eyes because he just texted me this. ☺️ He is certainly living up to his name, it was the first thing I noticed about him, how in all his pictures he had a smile and now he is putting a massive smile on my face everyday.

I got my kiss from Mr Mountain Bike. I had to make the first move but he wasn’t complaining. He gave me a birthday card and chocolate for yesterday so at least I had an excuse to go for it. After years of awkward dates and emails from pensioners telling me that they are “just out of my age range” but chancing it anyway, I am edging towards the smitten bench.

Good to hear of dates going well. Can I get some advice/offload? I'm feeling quite anxious and insecure about things even though I have zero reason to do so. Mr biology is very forthcoming with his feelings, replies to messages pretty much straight away, has talked about months into the future... So why am I feeling like a basket case?! I don't know if I'm worried I might not be funny and interesting enough, or if he'll discover I'm quite serious (read: boring; my biggest fear) but I'm fighting to the urge to seek reassurance, because I know it doesn't help. I'm not even making any sense I suspect, but I feel scared of trusting my own feelings I think. Look where that got me last time! A dead marriage after 11 years. And scared of getting hurt. And a tiny part of me, despite therapy, still can't believe that someone would want me...just as I am. I haven't shared any of this with him as I don't want him to know I'm an insecure basket case just yet!

Offload over

I totally relate @Misty9 I've made such bad choices. Had my marriage fail. Then got into a long relationship with a mr unavailable who cheated on me. Then stayed single for the best part of a decade and then smack straight into another Mr Unavailable. And Mr B seems lovely and invested and totally available. And even that makes me anxious!!

@misty and @Notcoolmum - can relate. Stayed single for years after a slightly EA relationship several years ago which started with the whole lovebombing thing that left me very bruised when it finally ended 7 years later. I don’t think that’s the case here - we just get on, have lots of things in common, obviously fancy the pants off each other, and generally just really like each other. It’s probably the most “normal” relationship I’ve ever had, to the point where I’m worrying that it’s almost going too well? So I’m being very cautious but don’t want to come across as a bit cold, because he really is lovely, and for the first time in years am in the early weeks of something which could actually work.