Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@cravingthelook definitely meet them all, that way you're making an informed cull 😆

I'm still over here on the smitten bench but still keeping up with the thread

After an odd start to the week I have had a bit of a think and decided to definitely not put all my eggs in one basket. Chatting to various guys has been the norm for me for a long time so for the time being that's where I think I am most comfortable.
Found several new chats via Tinder. 3 have moved to WhatsApp. One is a guy who I had some fun with 6 years ago ! who is being extremely attentive although he would text all day and is constantly asking for sexy pics which I am going to tire of REALLY quickly. A local guy who is looking for some fun but who my spidey senses are slightly raised about. And a younger guy who definitely has the most potential of the new irons at the moment.
Mr Van is fine and we've had a pretty decent week, chat and quizzes. Waiting now to see if he appears over the weekend. Caved and messaged Mr Cocky but only a small amount yesterday afternoon over whatsapp. We've agreed we need to chat so maybe I will see him soon. In my head now that's to either part company or to agree a much more casual FWB arrangement.

Can I have advice? mr electric, it’s been 4 months now but he has family issues....his child is a nightmare, he has them a lot, but it always ends up with him being stressed because the child has absolutely no respect. Aged 11/12, the parents have already been called into school numerous times for fighting/behaviour. He doesn’t feel the mother parents well, I’ve no idea how true that is. He has been honest that he has no more time to give, is very stressed and can’t see himself in a relationship of any kind this year. To be honest, that kind of suits me as I’m just entering a single life and don’t want a full time man myself. I want to get a new home with just me and my daughters. But....I do like him, and I know he cares about me. I’m worried that I’m falling for him but he’s already told me he can’t offer more than he’s giving. Do I walk away now and give myself a chance to move on and date, or do I go with how it is now (which overall I’m happy with). I’ve never encountered FWB situation, he says he doesn’t like that term, but that’s what it appears to be? I’m rambling, any advice to offer?

@Onesmallstep67 looks like we are in a similar place. We should just get out in the dates and rate them on physical, social and emotional/spiritual compatibility and cull them.

I've not caved, I've not messaged Mr Music, even though I want to.

An old iron from months ago has shown up again, I call him Mr Prick because I'm sure that's what he thinks with. Thing is we had fun, but I'm a bit bored with his fade in and out thing so I shouldn't entertain him.

Mr Mountains, Mr MBA and Mr Prick all messaging this morning.

@Mylifestartstoday can you not do both? See him casually and still date? It takes straight up honest communication but can work

@Mylifestartstoday, I think you should go with the flow for the time being. You say yourself that you want a period of time with just you and your DC and he has lots going on in his life. It sounds like you are concerned that you are developing feelings for him. I think I would rather take my chances with that. No one knows how things will pan out but I'd rather hold onto someone who I felt a connection with and see what happens down the line.

@Mylifestartstoday - what kind of thing is he suggesting then? If he said he can't see himself in a relationship of any kind this year? I'd definitely be cautious about letting feelings grow stronger if he's not able to reciprocate...

As for me, I'm a bit worried this will jinx it but I'm going to hopefully eye up the smitten bench 😍 it's going very well with Mr biology and we both are open about feeling happy and excited to see where it leads. We just wish we could actually do things and not just be at each other's houses or outside. But that will happen we know. I never expected to find someone like him on pof, that's for sure

@Misty9 that's a lovely update, that smitten bench is getting very tightly packed recently. Thank goodness it seems that some degree of normal service is resuming with us being able to get out and actually meet now.

@Misty9. He’s very stressed about his child, he says he has no time for anything else....I maybe see him every other week, it depends on whether his child has had another meltdown (high school age). It always seems to be me arranging to meet, if that doesn’t change, it’ll be over. I’m already invested but I’ll need to cut myself off to protect myself I think

@Mylifestartstoday if he can’t give you what you need too should move on I think. Especially if you will have to do all of the running and maybe end up with nothing anyway. My son aged 12 was causing huge problems for us at the start of the school year both in school and home and it’s a nightmare. There was no way I could have had headspace for a new boyfriend or anyone making demands on my time or mentally. It’s only since he has settled down a bit that I feel normal again and it has helped that the school couldn't ring me about him over the last 3 months!

@Misty9 smitten bench eh I’m happy for you!

When does the UK open up a bit for socializing? Here in Ireland restaurants and pubs that serve food can open from 29 June so my date is 4 July ...independence day the irony going for dinner and I can’t wait to actually meet

@Mylifestartstoday did him saying he can't offer anymore than he does currently come from you saying you wanted more, or did he just come out with it because he eithers thinks you do or thinks he should be?
If it's the latter and actually the current level of contact, communication, affection, intimacy is working for both of you then why change it?
There seem to be many different opinions on what FWB actually is, and maybe that term doesn't actually apply to you. If you both care about each other, are happy with how often you see each other and what you're getting from the relationship then fine. But if he's actually thinking FWB means he can keep any feelings out of it because he just doesn't have the headspace for it, then there will be an imbalance if your feelings for him are growing and it probably won't work.

@ZoZoBo I think most pubs are gearing up to open here 4th July, not that I'm counting down at all. There's a couple of village pubs that have already opened in my neck of the woods, just doing seating in the garden, take your own glass that kind of thing, but July 4th is when most are aiming for I believe.

@Ant330. It came from a conversation last night, and then got brought up again today. Today I said “so you mean FWB”, and he was mortified and said it was more than that, but he didn’t have the headspace for anything relationship wise.....which is fine by me. I have no intention of introducing him into my home life, my children have been deserted by their father, they don’t need any extra stress. I have no intention of meeting his child. I think it’s the fact it’s 4 months in, and he felt I wanted more. All I wanted was for him to maybe instigate a meeting....he always says yes, but I want a bit of give/take.
We both have our own lives, it’s more than just friends though. We message all day, every day about everything and anything. I’m just going to see how it goes, it’s not like I have a massive pool of men and I can’t really meet anyone

@Mylifestartstoday so apart from you wanting him to be a bit more proactive about arranging dates (which is perfectly reasonable btw) everything is fine? I'd go with it and not stick a label on it if it's largely working for you both.
I'm assuming you're not the one driving the messaging as well, and that's more equal?
I would just tell him it would be nice if he occasionally arranged things, particularly at times when his life is calmer, but just be aware there may be times when he can't.
Sounds like he's been overthinking it and worrying you want more from him now you're 4 months in, when actually you don't really. It's good that you're talking about it and he's not making any rash decisions without saying anything to you first.

@Ant330. I’m not the one driving the messages. He messages me more than I message him, if anything. I always get a morning text. It was literally about me wanting him to be more proactive. He does overthink quite a lot! I’m glad the conversation has happened, I’ll see whether he takes on board what I’ve asked.

Ok, so I've been reading through. Feels like you've all been through so much. I love your openness!

So here's an (abridged) version of my story.

Divorced, young son (5). Only ever had 3 long term relationships and only ever slept with those 3 men. And I'm really scared of judging myself if that number increases loads (absolutely no judgement from me for anyone who has loads here).

Last one ended v recently - fell totally in love, wanted to start a life together. He was separated from his wife. We were in love. He moved in. She went nuts. Threatened suicide. He believe her. 24 hours later he moved back in with her (had been separate from her) and were done. Except we're not. Cos he still loves me. And I feel the same. And we're colleagues. Yes. We work together. Every single day. (WFH at the moment).

So in a total knee jerk reaction I joined OLD.
Had a few convos with some guys but nothing clicked. Until Mr Picnic - he seems like a keeper.

I'm so scared of all of this. Of not falling for him because I'm in love with Mr Colleague, or because I'm not over him yet. Or of falling for him and being tangled up with feelings for Mr Colleague, particularly cos at some point we're going back to work and I'll see him face to face.

I'm fine on my own, but I do want another baby, and I'm mid 30s. So I'm scared the time pressure is getting to me. Don't want to settle just because I want a baby. That's what happened with DH. (We have a very good relationship now).

So here we are. OLD. And first date with Mr Eager on Sunday. Picnic. I'm nervous because I look crap at the mo and I don't know how I'll feel.

If you've read all of that, thank you! Just being nervous about the whole thing. So glad I found you all for support

Oooops epic fail. Changed my mind on naming so Mr Eager is Mr Picnic

After my date I’ve not had any contact only a response to a bright and breezy message I sent a week ago - am fed up with even trying, some of my friends on Facebook are celebrating milestone anniversaries I’m still stuck in the does he like me will he call like I’m in sixth form !

Had a wonderful walk date with Mr Smile. I ended up wearing a cute too and short shorts so looked cute but was still comfy. I actually felt short next to him as he definitely the 6'5 he said he was. We walked 15km, furthest I have walked and kept up the pace. We then got pizza delivered and talked for hours. Social distancing went out the window when he kissed me. Then we just spent the rest of the evening cuddling and kissing in my bed until he left at midnight. My bed feels huge without him laying there. We didn't DTD just heavy petting and kissing. Definitely looking forward to another date with him. Date lasted 7 and a half hours and was a complete contrast to the date with Mr USA where there were awquard silences and I didn't feel that at ease.
Mr USA would like another date. I have another nameless iron wanting a date next week. I might aswell go on them because I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket

Had my date with Mr snake last night, we went for a walk which was quite romantic, I may have broken social distancing rules but then I don’t have a bubble 🤔. I didn’t get home until 1am and it seems we are now “going out”. He’s really lovely but have a feeling he may become a bit needy, he does understand that we won’t be seeing each other that much, he has his daughter most of the time and I have my kids all the time at the moment (though I can leave them for a few hours). He’s not my usual type but we have loads in common which has to be a good thing.

Quick hello from me!
Finally DTD with Mr Return! (Sober too!)
It was bloody good to be honest, goes to show don’t underestimate the quiet ones 😂

@Menora how did that work out with the teenagers about?

Glad it was good

Yeay for all the good dates @Lovemusic33 @Dancerinthemoonlight

Excellent news @Menora!

I am going to meet Mr Hull later this afternoon for a walk finally. We have talked all week and last night things got a little, ahem, "heated", then he phoned me and we talked for an hour and a half on the phone, only had to stop to pick my daughter up from work.

Not heard anything back from wednesday's evening's date (I can't remember if I gave him a nickname or not?) but I am ok with that.

Lovely to hear about some fab dates recently 😁

I have another park date tomorrow. Hoping it doesn't rain. I'll name him if it goes ok as last 2 came to nothing

After a lot of persuasion from my friends, I had a second date with Mr Big shirt last night.
We get on well and the date lasted about 4 hours. But I'm still not convinced. This might be me telling myself he's not right because he doesn't tick all my boxes. While I like spending time with him, I'm just not sure I fancy him.

Normally I'd say, thanks but not thanks. But my friends told me to give him a chance and get to know him better. Then the "spark" might develop.

However, he's plonked himself firmly on the smitten bench already. Told me he thought we could have a future together after we first met. I don't think he trying to love-bomb, just being honest about how he feels because he can see that I'm being really cautious.

@sunshineandflipflops not seen you in a while. I assume all is going well in your world. Did Mr AD move back home or have you stayed living together?

I was wondering how you managed to cope with his sleeping. Now Mr B stays over again I'm reminded of his ability to sleep like a teenager. I'm not a up and run a 10K by 7am kind of person. But after 930 and I'm itching to get out to bed! Mr B is happy to keep sleeping. How have you dealt with this whilst living together?