Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Secretsout I have no idea what other agencies charge, mine was a freebie from a friend who works there but it depended on what ‘package’ you chose. It varied from £20-£100 per month, or you can pay a balloon payment.

For me it was four fairly embarrassing interviews (face to face) with a member of their team, they also spoke to a nominated close friend. I had to provide photo ID to prove I was who I said I was, to confirm age etc. Then there also tick box forms of various other questions. I got to see profiles and pictures of people they suggested.

Someones job is not a reflection of their views or standards.

I didn't know actual agencies still existed. So did they match you with your partner @SimonJT? Sorry, I'm new to this thread but think you said you're in a relationship earlier on in thread? That sounds quite impressive if they found you a good match despite the cringe interviews?

Thanks to those who posted. Still thinking about it and wondering what the hell.We have become quite good friends over last few months.
He lent me some tools so if he knocks on the door for them I think I shall just pretend nothing happened? be all happy and jolly and platonic. I won't bring it up as it would be awkward. Or maybe I will just tell him straight it's not on. hmm,not sure.
anyway,enough about me,thanks :)

@TwinkleInYourEye Yeah, its just a bit embarrassing because the person from the agency obviously has to ask fairly indept very personal questions and being face to face rather than on the phone makes it more cringe.

Just confirming plans with Mr Smile. We are doing a 15km walk, of course I will wear trainers but I don't want to wear my usual walking clothes but I still want to be comfortable but look cute

Thank you for the reply simonjt that's useful to know. (But sounds very scary and daunting) 😩

I'll probably carry on with Bumble for now and perhaps try the normal dating apps and see how I get on. As somebody said, it's ok to say you're looking for an educated professional etc.

I've probably come across the wrong way with my OP but I think I'm trying to say that after working very hard I have a very good lifestyle and I guess I'm looking for someone who can match that.

Does that make sense? I'm not bothered where someone comes from as I come from a pretty rough background myself, it's more about the person liking the same things as me such as lovely restaurants, travel etc. That's what I mean by standards.

But thank you for replying

secretsout I think you chose the wrong word with "standards" it sounded judgy. FWIW I am an 'educated professional' but would probably be put off by a man saying they were looking for an 'educated professional' as it does sound snobby and I would look for a better way of phrasing it.

If you mean political views, restaurants, travel, interests etc then say that but also be broad minded. I dated a couple of guys without formal educational qualifications but they were able to hold a conversation but there was no spark. Men that are older (in their 40s / 50s) are often more financially secure, with disposable income, even if they didn't have a high paid job, just because they bought their property 20 years ago when property was affordable - one guy I dated was a semi retired plumber (in his early 50s) with a BMW who had nearly paid off his mortgage. He was well read and interesting intellectually but I didn't fancy him.

In contrast the professional guy I dated who had a Masters and travelled around the world for work should have been 'perfect' for me was a nasty sex pest.

@kerkyra I'd like to think I'd call him out on it. He's ruined your friendship and made you feel uncomfortable. Don't blame yourself for him making a move on you. Cheek of him.

Thank you stealthninjamum Yes, 'standards' wasn't the appropriate word.

I think because I've not been with another man or dated for 30 years I'm quite 'rusty' and no clue what I'm doing. I think I probably do need to be more open minded and have a few coffee meet ups to get a feel for men of my age. (I haven't been on a date since I was 18 and it was very different in the olden days) 🤣

You are right, men of my age probably will be financially secure and able to travel to beautiful places and have a nice lifestyle.

@Secretsout I'd just be tempted to describe yourself, your interests, how you enjoy spending your spare time, and that you're looking for somebody similar.
I think if youre too specific about the type of person you want you run the risk of putting off those you'd be interested in should they interpret it as judgemental or picky.
The people you definitely won't put off are those who don't read profiles anyway, so you may still find yourself filtering out the ones you don't like but having auto filtered some of the ones you do without realising.

Hi all I've watched for a while and now diving in to say hello. Just started with POF as my first dating app and I'm already confused. I've a number of likes and meet mes can I see them without subscribing?

Thanks notcoolmum,i'm actually feeling really cross now. His poor partner.
MoonahStone,i've only ever used pof ( due to still having ancient phone with no apps) and i'm sure the meet me thing isn't real. I had loads of people come up and I messaged one saying hi,maybe a meet would be good and he had no idea what I was on about. I think pof just put random faces up. I wonder if anyone who has subscribed know different?

Thank you Ant330 sound advice

Isn't the meet me thing just supposed to be like tinder where you swipe random people? The only difference is, you can message before you match/even if you don't match. I don't think it means these are the people who want to meet you, just 'here are some potential people we have on the site'

So, I deleted all the apps. Wished the tinder people well. And need to do the same to a couple on WhatsApp.

I jumped in, running from how much I wanted someone else who had told me we had no future, that he couldn't imagine us together. So I went off to distract myself and to show him exactly what he was missing. Its amazing how two people who swear they will be honest to each other can hide the truth. He wanted to set me free and I refuse to go.

But I'm going to keep following your stories. And wish you the best of luck and uncomplicated love

I'm going to give my tinder match a name- Mr Kink.
Yes, he's kinky on a whole new level to me but has been very honest and open without it becoming filthy talk.
I'm not quite sure he's for me, he is looking for someone to satisfy those kinks and also to settle down with. I am pretty open with what I want, not against finding 'the one' but equally happy to have fun along the way. He doesn't have children though and I do, and I'm not sure I want any more.
I know it's very early to be having that chat, but I don't want to waste either of our time if we have such fundamental differences.

I need a kick up the arse. I'm talking to too many. I think it's just because every time I like someone and focus on them it goes tits up so I'm just keeping everyone open just now until one of them shows me something different.

Mr Bike says he wants to see me again but even though I've said ok plan the next meet, he hasn't.

Mr chef has turned back up interested, I guess we only walked Saturday. I did think he was attractive and so easy to talk to.

Mr MBA phoned me for a 90 minute chat, I laughed so much, good sign?

Mr Mountains would like to meet next week. He seems nice, but looking to me to make the plan maybe.

Mr Voyeur is still around messaging after a few months, he has become a friend of sorts and likes to know about all of my matches. He wants to meet too.

I've got 5 nights off next week... I'm actually thinking about planning my week with meeting them all. I'm being ridiculous right? I should pare down? I just don't know how. Those I haven't met I just want to met so them I can know. Mr Chef and I didn't kiss and that's a good sign to know how to proceed. Mr Bike was hot and a great kisser but not racing to see me.

Still can't get Mr Music out of my head.

Oh and a Mr Pirate and I had a great chat on tinder last night.

Please kick me up the arse gang.

@cravingthelook

I would arrange to meet them, fill your week with them then you will be able to cull some of them after meeting.

@cravingthelook meet them all. Then you will be able to cull knowing what they are like in person.

What does everyone wear on a walking date?
Usually when I walk i wear leggings, sports bra and a tank top but I don't feel like I look good in this

Plus, I'm sure almost any bloke would appreciate a woman showing up for a date in gym leggings! not me he wouldn't 😂😂😂😂😂

@shitwithsugaron I'm going to want to be comfortable as he has said we are probably going to be walking about 15km. I might have a look this morning for a nicer top and jacket. See if I can get away with my normal bra as my sports bra is a compression one so they don't move so much.

Hey there, I'm new to all of this, and haven't RTFT but will get a cuppa later and do so. @cravingthelook invited me to join - thank you!

@Dancerinthemoonlight ... 15km yes comfortable is important.

If it's just a wander date I wear jeans and a top and nice trainers.

@namechangecareerchange ... I'd say just read the last couple of weeks and the RULES (thread opening post)
This is a supportive space for daters, we need the independent advice and chat sometimes. I'm so happy I found this space and everyone on the thread I've found to be kind, lovely and helpful.