Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I have a date Friday night 😁😁, it’s been a while and I’m a little nervous but excited. I shall call him Mr Snake, we have loads in common and have been chatting non stop for 4 days, we kind of had phone sex last night (social distance sex), he has a few sexual quirks. Not sure if he’s relationship material but I’m just looking for a bit of fun and see how it goes.

We are going for a evening walk and a drink (in my campervan).

@supercali77 and there is my problem. I have DTD with unreliable various times and recently and we have spoke on and off for 10months. I've always made it clear what i wanted and he wasnt ready. but now says he is, we were supposed to be making a go of things as a last try, he went awol for 1wk but came back with a reasonable (I think) excuse and I'd started talking to iron 2. I think I need to meet iron2 asap to see if we even get on. his chats are much better but not sure if that's cos it's only been a few day. I really hate all this 😣

@unambiguousbeard that made me giggle 🤭

Quick loo updaye. It's going okay with Mr USA, we are at his as the weather is rubbish. How do I say I'm hungry without sounding weird?

Is it ok for me to join?
I ended my last relationship because it wasn't right... while I have no regrets I feel like I wasted four years of my life.. I'm now 41 and feel like my good years have gone. I joined POF before and have had varied success so I decided to join again and was honest in my photos- my usual photos are head shots or selfies.. but I put a body one in .. now over lockdown I've put on weight ☹️ my hair needs dying and I think I look a mess... Ive had no messages whatsoever ☹️ and it's really hit my self esteem .. to the point where I'm thinking about giving up on relationships altogether ☹️

@dancerinthemoonlight sounds good could you ask if he ate before u met, say u were in a rush and didnt gave time or something?

@lardass88 are you sure your profile isnt hidden? when I joined I was the same then found in settings it had been hidden.

He was waiting for me to say that I was hungry as he was but not wanting to presume I wanted to eat. He is fun and it's going well. He is very laid back so it's hard to tell if he is into me or not

@crazycatlady20 I've had notifications to say someone "likes" me so I don't think so. Guess I'm just too repulsive 😂

@DancerinthemoonlightI'm glad our hunger situation is resolved!

I've come to the realisation (well with help from a therapist) that there is no way anyone can make me happy until I can make me happy. It's probably why I am being so picky and panicking constantly. I think one of the things that kept drawing me back to Mr Vegan was that it was exciting, relaxed and fun. It was never serious even when he was discussing the future. Ultimately, I'm a single mum of a 2 year old, starting a brand-new job that is in all likelihood going to wrack up 70 hour workweeks depending on the whole covid situation, doing a masters and somewhere in there I'd like to find something that "sparks joy". I THINK what I need is a FWB; just someone there to escape from the monotony of my life with and enjoy sex and have fun.

Overall it was a good date and I had fun. At times there were a few awquard silences and I'm not sure if we have a lot in common or many talking points. An awquard hug at the end but no kiss. Didn't feel any sexual chemistry or tension that I have felt on dates before but it could grow. I could have sworn he said he was 5'10 or 5'11 but he is the same height as me at 5'7. It is definitely worth another date so I would see him again.
For those of you dating with children, when do you bring it up if the other person doesn't ask. We were talking about something and he brings up his children and ex wife. That was about half way through the evening but before this I didn't know he had children, it might be different as they are in the states so he won't be seeing them currently apart from face time.

Still got other irons on the cards including Mr Smile who I have a date with soon. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket this time.

@CheesecakeAddict it's good to see that you are putting yourself first and figuring out what you need right now and what is right for you at the moment.

@lardass88 - just stick with it, I find matches come in waves, I get none for ages then a few at once.

@Dancerinthemoonlight - how about 'I'm a wee bit peckish how about you? 😂😂

@CheesecakeAddict FWB can be great for some situations

Well we'll, I didn't expect it at all ... but holy moly mr Bike was HOT in the flesh! Full on fanny flutters straight away. He's from Estonia but lived in Scotland 15 years. I'm not counting my chickens but I did tell him I'd like to meet again.

I'm also chatting to one other.

Another Match invited me over - I said I'm not doing sex on a first meet (I have but never plan to) he said shall we do pics and I said outright no. He then said that was a test, if I had he'd think me dirty and lose interest. I said WTF. Red Flag Red Flag 🚩 ... not meeting him at all.

@crazycatlady20 hm. Honestly? If you tell someone you want long term and they change position and say they do too and then go awol for a week.....thats, well, very unreliable. Whatever the reason a 10 second text to say 'hey i'm going awol but ill be back in touch soon' is really easy. If it were me I'd be cutting it loose because sadly ime if someone is happy to disrespect you once they'll do it again. Maybe I'm wrong on him, I hope so.

@CheesecakeAddict
I'm really pleased you're seeing a therapist and I definitely agree that before you look for a relationship you should be happy with yourself and your life, a relationship should compliment your life and not be the main focus.

I think an FWB sounds a good idea but be clear what you want, do you want exclusive FWB? How much contact do you want in between meets? Etc

@crazycatlady20 as is often the case I agree with @supercali77

You've been seeing him for 10 months. He has told you he now wants something serious and is supposed to be demonstrating that to you by his actions. And his actions are going awol?

@supercali77 @notcoolmum i agree with everything UV said too. I'm full of what ifs tho.

he said his phone was stolen. hes back on a diff number. would explain no text, not sure if it should've took a week tho 🤷‍♀️

I'd not say seeing him 10 months. we text/meet up on/off every few months. I just feel like I'm not being my usual self with him as I dont want to lead him on if I'm maybe gonna call it quits. I do know I make excuses for him. will see what the weekend brings. hes free, I said I could be free....

I'm talking myself out of mr chatty too as hes mentioned that hes not that confident. need to meet him over the weekend too at some point.

@crazycatlady20 so he doesn't know where you live? How to find you on socials or a dating site?

@notcoolmum hmm 😕

@crazycatlady20 I just think if I lost my phone but wanted to speak to someone how I'd go about it. I think in most cases I'd find a way.

I'm feeling awful as I've done something stupid. The builder working on the house two doors down has been coming into my garden most days where I make him a coffee and he gives me tips and lends me tools whilst I knock a wall down. All platonic over the last few months.I find him attractive but I didn't give out any vibes at all.I have lots of male mates.
He has now finished the house and the owner asked me to do a clean before estate agents come over. Builder turned up and fitted loo roll holder,i finished and said bye and then he just said bye but I need to do something..and snogged me. I didn't object but then pulled away and took hoover and waved bye.I haven't had a snog in a year since dadbod so was taken by surprise.
So fed up and feel bad as he has a partner. And apparently has a new job starting just up the road. I'm going to have to stop these coffee's aren' i. Its shit as I went on pof over march and april and got so little interest,yet in the flesh in old joggers and no make up someone must fancy me.But he is taken.
His dad died last week so maybe he is all over the place but that doesn't excuse it really,but maybe he's all over the place.
will catch up on the thread and hope everyones ok

Unlurking to say he didn’t exactly get consent from you @kerkyra plus he was cheating by snogging you. I would absolutely give him the cold shoulder going forward, he’s not a decent man. I can’t see any need at all for you to feel bad though. How were you stupid?

@sortingitout im not even sure, this is new territory for me. I've been thinking about it for a while (even before Mr Vegan came along) but the only thing holding me back was that fact that I'm turning 30 and feel like I should be more concerned about creating a family. But actually, why? Because my parents keep pushing it and society says I should?
I wouldn't want a FB - I'd still want the friendship element to be there and to be able to watch a film together or do something on the side, but not serious and just fun. Does that make sense? 😳

No,he didn't get consent. I just feel stupid for letting him do it.
I've had a bit of time to think and I just need to keep away. My last two longterm relationships cheated and I don't want to be that girl. Never been with someone already taken and don't plan to.

Thanks for earlier tips on online dating folks. Have signed up to a couple and am having fun (for now) - but it feels like a full time job!

@kerkyra - think you’re being hard on yourself. He kissed you, just write it off. He sounds like a bit of a chancer.

Well my date (walk around the city centre) was lovely actually, and the storm held off until we were very nearly back at the train station. He turned out to be a genuinely nice bloke and we talked all evening.
Saying that I will be surprised if we meet again, it was obvious that we are very different people and I cannot see anything long term there.
I did really enjoy the evening though and he kindly waited until my train left even though it was delayed for ages.

I suppose it kind of raised my hopes a little that there are decent blokes around.

Meanwhile I am talking to Mr Hull and have been for a week now. No plans to meet yet, he is very cautious about lockdown and social distancing. I would like to meet sooner rather than later even if it is at a distance. I think it is the only way to know if something is possible, messaging just doesn't cut it does it?

I've got a couple of new starters on bumble but nothing is really happening there at the moment.

Good to read updates from everyone.

I would just ignore kerkyra - he took a chance for whatever reason and you are not at fault.

@kerkyra I think you are being a little hard on yourself. Sometimes we get caught off guard and in the moment.
I would give him a wide berth from now on though.

So I joined Tinder. I've had about 20 matches since last night but most aren't very chatty

I have started talking to one though... he has very... particular... tastes, which I'm ok with. I'm not going to name him yet but if things continue I will.

Spoke on the phone to Mr American yesterday, it was a nice and easy chat but I'm not sure we have much in common.

Mr W is still wooing me with his chatter, but I've backed off a little, he's clearly reluctant to meet even though he hasn't said so.