Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Oopsiedaisyy everyone is tinder material

@Oopsiedaisyy I’ve seen plenty like you on there, I don’t think you would be out of place.

Small addition @onesmallstep67 recently active status indication is an option you can switch off but it’s only shown to those that have paid for Tinder Gold.

Hello all, hope dates today went well! Legs out too I hope!

Mr R finally bloody kissed me 😂
Only took all day of lying in a park on a picnic with me giving off as many vibes as I could possibly think of, I even did kiss him on the lips first (when hugging) but he froze up a bit and I think I surprised him (guess what he was overthinking it). When he finally took the plunge, he wasn’t at all shy about it 😂 and it really quickly turned into the kind of kiss that is inappropriate in a public place and I had to pull away for decency reasons

So hurrah! Finally 😂

@Menora 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

It didn’t start off a great kiss but luckily I have had plenty of experience of turning those potential washing machine kisses into something more sensual. But there lies the issue cos it just turns it up to 100 full steam ahead and TMI I actually had to get changed when I got home 😂😂😂

Woohoo!!!!

@Menora that's where the bubble comes into play 😉.

I have a date tomorrow. It was very spontaneous as he just popped up on tinder and we've been talking for about 20 mins, so I'm not even really sure he gets a name yet. I'm nervous, this dating malarkey makes me realise how vulnerable we really are making ourselves.

Menora Yeah!!

Oopsiedaisyy yes to tinder. It seems to be popular where we are.

My date was ok. Looked like his photos. We got on ok. But no immediate sparks.
And he's another man that seems to think he's 5ft 8. But is shorter than me. I'm 5ft7 and a bit.
He seems keen to meet again but I didn't commit to anything. Will wait to see if he gets in touch

Yeah @Menora

My date was ok. It was as I expected. We got on like a house on fire, he drank more than was necessary but no way I could ever shag him. I don't think lockdown hair helped. I hate sending the text. He was really nice but not for me. Aaargh. I've forgotten how to say it it's been so long.

Still I've got myself out there.

Yay for all the good dates (especially @Menora’s, which sounds x rated!)

I’ve just quit Tinder after finding it all a bit ‘much’. I don’t think I’m quite ready for this. I’ll keep lurking if you don’t mind.

I joined tinder but have spent all day chatting to mr Filth

Definitely a convert to tinder and bumble here - no meets yet but in terms of sheer “quantity of vaguely middle class men in my age range” quite heartening.

I was on Plenty of Chavs last summer and it was a truly depressing experience

Plenty of chavs🤣 that’s sums it up perfectly
I’m on all the main apps - getting loads of likes that I can’t see as won’t pay but no matches really - I’m just bored of it all!
I have arranged a date with Mr Posh for 3 weeks away when lockdown rules allow! We were chatting tonight- I’m excited and nervous to meet - I’ve never been on a date!

Yes I don’t miss the “Inbox of horrors”

ZoZoBo did you sort out the thing you wanted to regarding sexual boundaries with MrPosh?

( I’m still figuring out how to negotiate any heavy flirting or sex chat before meeting - I’m a bit clueless tbh so need to feel my way through things now I’ve got time to date!)

@Bunkbedpeople no! I’m willfully ignoring it for the moment. I’ve decided we need to meet first as it could be a moot point I’d totally awful!
And I am as a clueless as they come! I find myself in these situations and don’t know how to navigate. Sex side of things frightens the life out of me! It was one of the major problems in my marriage (amongst many others!) so I’m worried I won’t measure up and can’t tell where fear ends and healthy boundaries begin! So I am winging it with an element of getting on with to prove I’m not broken in that department

Yeh it’s a bit strange isn’t it Zozo

On one hand yes I do have a sex drive which I’d like to explore with the right person.

I do recognise good and honest communication about needs and fantasises may be part of that journey.

On the other hand, I find some of the online dating approaches a bit “clinical”

Some guys (often normal looking with good jobs etc) literally wanting to order/demand sex acts like off a takeaway menu before they’ve even met you?

I was on an okcupid date with a guy who was conventionally a “good catch” last year (40, had done investment banking and retired early, an asset millionaire and childfree. And not stupid, knew a lot of culture and poetry etc)

Basically he was like pushing for sex in the middle of a coffee meet with no build-up or signals or mutual flirting

Think stroking my leg in the middle of Caffè Nero and then expecting me to invite him over to mine straight away?

It was just freaky and inappropriate.

Weirdly enough he mentioned that he found it hard to find a normal attractive professional middle-class girlfriend as they were all “too busy for him”

and he kept ending up with women who were part-time prostitutes or cam girls? (Not slut shaming but his words not mine).

I was thinking “I’m not surprised you freak I’m too busy and I don’t even want you as a friend!”

I’m genuinely not sure what I’m looking for sexually at the moment so just going to meet different people (sober - which is quite unusual!) for a few weeks and see what happens (or doesn’t happen, it’s also fine if I don’t feel it) .

Just check in with my own body and feelings.

I’m not sure if I’m just old-fashioned or out of touch but the kind of bloke who just wants to “come round to mine” and act like he’s doing me a favour really fucking irritates me. It just seems lazy and potential cocklodgerish.

@Bunkbedpeople and @ZoZoBo

Setting boundaries when newly single and dating is really hard but you do need to set some.

Not wanting to discuss sex while chatting does not make you a prude, likewise chatting about it doesnt make you promiscuous.

Do what you feel comfortable with, quite a few people dont like any sex talk, some like a hint of flirting about it with no specifics and some like to discuss it in depth.

If you want the other person to stop with the sex talk and they dont then clearly they are not right for you if they cant respect your boundaries and you should feel able to block them even if they are your only iron.

Please think about your boundaries and set them asap otherwise you might say/type something you regret.
Remember you wouldnt walk up to a stranger in a shop and start discussing sex straight away or you wouldnt make a new friend and work and within a few days tell them all your innermost secrets.

I sometimes think you couldn't make my old experience up. Been back swiping for one day. Exchanged numbers with a couple of potential irons yesterday. This morning I received a clip from porn/sex tape, with the message 'this is how I want to do you' What goes through someones mind thinking I will send that to someone I have spoken to for a day. Block and delete this morning.
Not quite as interesting I have also had a message on pof asking me to relocate to where they live.

😂😂 Plenty of Chavs

@sortingitout that's a really good analogy.

dancer one of my first tinder messages a few days ago was “my female friend who is here thinks you are hot” ( threesome request)

Also today I was moving to the idea of a walk with someone, and it turned to “we can have a drink at your flat indoors from next week”. Can “we”? 🤷‍♀️😂

I actually think it’s good that they “show their hand” quite quickly though - easier to quickly block and move on.

I was wary of having sexual conversation before meeting, in case they got the wrong (right) idea but with Mr Filth it's been good to establish what we are both into so are on the same page. I have a strong sex drive but looking for that as an element, rather than the sole basis of the relationship. He says he is too

We need to meet though!

There seems to be a lot of class consciousness creeping into the thread here. What happened to treating everyone respectfully? Giving everyone a chance? Recognising them as individuals?

Not that I’m saying we should respect anyone who sends a total stranger a porn clip. @Dancerinthemoonlight I hope you reported him to the app.

I’m pretty loved up with Mr GN now, so as I’m no longer dating as such I’ll just be lurking from now on. I wish everyone here all the luck and love in the world.

Thank you all for the advice re letting down an iron nicely. I have no problem if its after a meet 🤷‍♀️ Didnt hear much more than a first thing check in yesterday so if he makes contact today I'll go with saying I'm going to have to back out as have decided to be exclusive with somebody I've had a few dates with but lovely to have been chatting, wish best etc

In other news have a first meet walk in park this afternoon with an iron. Really hoping weather holds out 🤦‍♀️ my lockdown hair is bad enough dry let alone rained on 😂

Think that's me @TigerDater

I can't explain on the thread without totally outing last nights date!

I have no interest in class I straddle working/middle, I can do either. (And have too thank you very much 😊) I live in ex social housing in the middle of a middle class bubble in the middle of an extremely diverse bit of London.

It's people who wear their class like a badge with pride I can't be doing with, who declare it as part of their identity. It doesn't matter to me where you came from, what your parents did beyond being an interesting part of everyone's story.

I can't stand people shouting "I'm so working class, we were 10 to a bed" ( as indeed my mother was) or "I'm so posh I went to oxbridge" (as exH did) or the people I match with who comment on the part of London I live in as being rough, which they often do!

Hopefully I've explained it better? We all are who we all are and I hate class being used as identity.