Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yeah I have a date tonight and it's going to be lovely. The weather not the date. I have the added complication of cycling everywhere so even pre lockdown it was hard to dress for a date. I can never wear decent footwear and always have a warm top layer. I'm hoping for summer dress and denim jacket later. With a warm fleece tucked into my panniers.

My date tonight is a walk down the local river, yes we do have picturesque bits of London. I'm not feeling it. His job involves lots of partying and he's over confident as well as wearing an "I'm so fucking working class" badge. Also one of those men who says they don't really drink but then whenever we message he mentions booze. Sound familiar @Menora 😁
For newbies I hardly drink, enough to be sociable but it seems all men in my age group are pissheads. 51 No matter how nice they are etc nope not doing it.
Anyway I'm sure he's fun. He has his romantic hopes up but suspect he'll be disappointed! But it'll be good to go out and meet someone new etc

Hi all, lurker here. Can I ask for some advice please?

Been chatting with an iron on WhatsApp. Seems lovely and yesterday he steered round to sorting when our free time matches for a meet. All good. However I then found him on socials and without wanting to sound mean or shallow I just wouldn't be able to fancy him even if he were the nicest man in the world based on the further pics. So how the hell do Iet him down now as i cant go down the "I'm just not feeling it route" etc because so far chat has been ok 😱😱😱😱

I wore 1 dress and he never even noticed it! It was lovely as well, with some cleavage 😂

Second I wore jeans
Third I wore a dress with tights and today I have to wear trousers as looks like I have fallen off a horse on my legs they are so bruised from my DIY missions

And yes to the drinking thing. It is so annoying when people play it down!

Yes, I’m the same bunkbed as I quite like an excuse to get dressed up.

Tinder question... if you set your radius to say 4 miles on tinder, you can obviously only see those within that distance, but are you visible to others if their radius is wider?

@Slothmomma when is the date? I think this is the problem with social media. It's happened to me too. Although it's not a problem is it it's a good thing. You can say you've got back with an ex. Or an old friend has declared himself. I've used both those. It's hard without hurting someone's feelings. Saying you're just Not feeling it is a bit awful although true. I have said that too but feel so mean I'd rather lie. I said to Mr VeryKent I didn't think our politics matched and he bombarded me with articles showing me his views. So that didn't work! Got a new job so no time? There's always delaying...but that's mean too.

Yes @Ihavenicelegs you're visible to them.

Thanks unambiguoubeard I did contemplate the ex resurfaced so giving a go thing. No date firmed up luckily but I still feel mean and shallow but I can't help that i wouldn't fancy him

@Slothmomma you don't have to justify yourself or give details, it's acceptable to just say that after giving it some thought you don't think they are the right match for you. Wish them luck and delete them.

Say you're lovely but I'm not feeling a connection so think best not meet

@Slothmomma, I feel for you. It's a difficult situation to suddenly appear to do a 180° and back out of the conversation. I wouldn't over think it. It's not nice when it happens to you which is probably why you don't want to hurt his feelings. I would just choose a reason, send the message and step away.

No you don't have to at all. But wouldn't you like a reason if someone changed their mind? ESP if you e been chatting a while.

I think I'm giving up on dating actually. I just can't be bothered and don't have time. There's a million things I'd rather do tonight than go on a date. Allotment/study/book/film/walk/run etc I'll meet my three irons if they want but think I'll delete tinder.

I have a spontaneous date later today, so I'm happy to see the sun shining.
Revamped my profile, thanks to help from the thread, sent out a couple of messages on POF yesterday and actually got some replies.

One of them asked if I was free to meet at the weekend, so I thought, why not. We haven't exchanged a lot of messages but so far we seem to be on the same wavelength.

No idea what I'm going to wear. My legs are white and covered in bruises and scratches from work, so dresses are out.

Oh brilliant Echo! A dress is fine, you can describe how you got each bruise and scratch if you run out of conversation.

I have two irons, Mr Filthy and Mr Stick. Thinking of meeting both, altho I have more connection and spoken more to Mr Filthy so I know he's.. Well.. Filthy

However, we do seem to be on the same wavelength about what we are looking for, a relationship but nothing serious for now.

Have fun on your dates all of you that have them lined up today!

@Slothmomma it's not nice when it happens to you, but it's much nicer to let him down than dragging it out, wasting more of his chance and let him think he's in with a chance. I agree with tell him you've got with an ex or something so he doesn't think it's personal but knows that that is it.

Oopsiedaisyy There's no way that my legs are being seen on a first date.
Good luck with your irons. I have another one that turned a little filthy last night. But is now talking about the weather. I hope it's not the same one!

I hope it is okay if I re-join the thread. Took the last week out of swiping and the thread for a little break and because I was just feeling meh about the dating situation after the messages and lucky escape from the potential iron

Hi @Dancerinthemoonlight nice to see you back. How are you feeling for the break from swiping ?
Things seem to be moving along fairly well with people managing to get out on a few more dates.

Welcome back @Dancerinthemoonlight 😊

Yo dancer!

@onesmallstep67 I'm feeling better thank you. I had a self care week with just doing things that made me happy. It was just nice to focus on me and not have to worry about lots of chats to get back to.

Mr Unexpected and Mr Motorbike are in the friend zone. Not sure if I will ever meet either of them but they have been nice to talk to. I have some chats with potential irons but nobody name worthy as of yet

I’m a big fan of dating breaks tbh.

It can get quite compulsive/bad for ones mental health being on OD - especially on tinder where the ethos is to “move fast and communicate straight away”.

Hi everyone, I have been following this thread for a while now, I did some OLD at the start of the year and now I am back on a couple of apps.

Can I ask if people are using more than one app, I have been on bumble for a couple of weeks now but apart from one iron who I dated twice and then ghosted me I've only got one other conversation going.
Any advice on initial messages for a novice?
Does anyone recommend Hinge?

@thessparkling I've found the quality is better on hinge but fewer users.

Is tinder worth a go? Not sure I'm tinder material, mid 40s and decidedly curvy

@Oopsiedaisyy I like Tinder. I am 53 and decidedly curvy and have had a good level of response. ( although I am not currently using it ) I like that you can chat once a mutual interest has been established and if you choose to end the chat it's easy to unmatch. I also like that you don't know if contacts are online or have been so there's none of that ' why are they online but not chatting to me ? '