Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Sorry to hear that craving I’m glad today is better. 💐

Thanks hairy I’ll investigate that one.

Please can someone tell me what happens on match.com when someone sends a message and you select I don't want to hear from this person again? I've searched but I can't find anything to explain it. I'm new to OLD and hoping they send the person a kind message not just block them. I did send a nice thanks but no thanks reply to someone different who sent a message but he didn't take the hint so I want to be clearer I future.

Thanks for all your advice. I’m seeing him tomorrow and I think we will talk about things more then.

I hope you are all ok
Sorry to hear about Mr Music.
I hope you all are having as much fun as we possibly can in this situation (if like me it’s not much haha)

I think it blocks them. The ‘No, thanks’ option sends a polite message back, and the ‘Sure!’ option opens up the message panel.

Ok thanks Hairy I'll need to have a good look at it all when I've got more time I think.

Does anyone else find it really annoying that the messages all disappear when someone's profile is suspended in Match? I guess I just need to get over it (literally)! Mr Nice sent me a message and then when I clicked on it to open in Match his profile was suspended so I couldn't read it. Presume it could only have been a goodbye then! Random.

@Menora, it sounds like a lovely date. I think we all completely understand your feelings in the immediate aftermath. It's bad enough building up to a date in normal times but with all the confusion of current restrictions it must have felt tough. Tomorrow will be a different matter and you have both had time now to reflect and I'm sure it'll be lovely.
I broke lockdown well and truly yesterday and spent a very pleasant time reacquainting myself with Mr Photography ( and the joys of fornication )
There is still a plan ( very loosely )to see Mr Van this weekend. No details as yet. His laid back attitude to things is something I know I would struggle with going forward. But at the moment he is such a big part of every day with lots of calls and quizzes that I wouldn't want to lose that or him.

@Mumtolittleorange They will come back when he reappears. I’ve suspended before now and the pre-suspension conversations were retained. It doesn’t sound like a ‘Nice’ behaviour from him so maybe just delete the conversation from your end.

@unambiguousbeard I hadn't really considered emotionally unavailable (I haven't read the book so maybe I should). In fairness to her, recently she's opened up a little bit more and started talking about how she protects herself because of her exes behaviour, so I see that as progress.
Let me be clear I am far from perfect, so don't think this is one sided, there are things she'd happily change about me. I can be a bit moody, blunt and a bit selfish about wanting my own space and independence (I'm sure there's others 🤣).
As @JeSuisPrest said, nobofy is perfect and for the most part the good bits mutually outweigh the bad, and there is a lot to like about her. Whether that makes us right for each other I really don't know atm.
Unsurprisingly we are giving it another go, but current circumstances help to dictate us taking it slowly. Right now I actually think we'd make great FWBs, but it's not what either of us want long term and I know she wouldn't be happy if I brought it up. Maybe that says more about my current state of mind and own emotional availability 🤷‍♂️ it is something I'm pondering

I think Mr America wants to cancel again because it's raining 🙄. He won't be getting a third chance. Or am I wrong in thinking he should just use a hood?

OK I eat my words, he's asked to meet. I've asked to meet later because he can do it on my terms now.

Just did my first phone call with an iron.

Thought it went ok, good voice, chat ok, Walk next week.

Imagine his name is Dave.

“I look forward to meeting you, Dave”

“My names not Dave, it’s Daniel”

@bunkbedpeople at least you've only met him once n been chatting for a little while.
I've got an iron, it's now a year since we first met (complicated as to why we've only met once, from both sides so that's not the point) and I abbreviated his name in my phone to his first initial (let's say D) to cut down the questions "who is Dave do I know him" from my children. Now I can't be 100% sure I can remember what his name actually is and it's way way too late to ask
Although one of those "either it makes us or breaks us" type dating moments - will he forgive me forgetting his name...

@Originallymeonly

He sounded good as well - was a bit worried about old pics but he sent a selfie with something and he looked better than his profile photos.

Oh well, better communicating and getting on with it than worrying.

Definitely. If you can't sort out a little something like wrong names then really is it going to work long term???

That's as much telling myself as you

I used the name of the man I was having a phone chat with later on

Conversation also good though it got a bit TOO technical as in I don’t think you should necessarily be sharing internet dating experiences

But he’s got a nice voice and is happy to come for a meet so we’re good so far.

Meh, we’re all multiple dating right?

About five irons now.

Must try to take it slow - I think in the past I tend to be attached to the idea of dating one person (almost internally slut shaming myself?) but actually socially I don’t need to get “one-itis” too soon.

I just want to go out and date and “experience people” for a few months not get caught up in one guy.

Just checking in after my date with Mr America. We went for a walk around some woods, and started off social distancing but due to my short height, I needed help getting over streams and such so it wasn't really distanced. He was a really really nice guy and we talked loads, but I just didn't feel any chemistry and we ended on this awkward hug. Zero regrets about meeting him because I'm still learning what I want in a guy and I guess this is part of the learning experience 😬.

Sounds fine cheesecake I think it’s good not trying to “force” emotions or attraction and just have the fairly neutral experience of normally and politely meeting another human being

I messaged Mr Aero a bit ago, suggesting a walk on Sunday after I finish work. We haven't seen each other IRL since February, I think.
He says "That sounds quite tempting, will I need to be well-behaved and socially distanced?"
I haven't replied yet, I think the attraction will be unbearable if we meet up. I don't want my neighbour hearing us through the wall! And I don't know where to meet him - my kids will be with ex this weekend and I worry about bumping into them (and him) if we're on nearby land.

Aw cheesecake been there. Too many times!!

The thing to remember from this is that however much we love the build up, if it’s not there it’s not there.

It’s not you, it’s not them, it’s not personal...
it’s just not meant to be.

Experience makes you rich (maybe... eventually.. I don’t know, I’m quoting Madonna 😂😂) xx

Thanks @Bunkbedpeople and @ihavenicelegs. I'm not sad about it. It's been nice to have a date, but come away knowing they are not the future Mr Cheesecake. I've not had a first date properly ever since Mr Vegan and exh was just sex the first time I met them, and I feel that I got time to reflect on what I wanted rather than getting caught up in it iyswim

On a lighter note is it just me who is at my potential date outfits given it’s mainly walks

I have a supply of lovely summer dresses which I was hoping to bust out but it’s shit rainy weather and I’m frantically trying to smarten up my macs as they smell like something died in them! Come on Caffè Nero open up!

@Bunkbedpeople isnt it meant to be really sunny this weekend though! I bought a lovely dress a couple of months ago for a date but got ghosted before I could wear it. I'm determined to wear it today rain or shine!!! I swear that's more my reason to go on my date, I've been a slob for the last 3.5 months!