Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Great to hear @CheesecakeAddict

Ok my date with Mr R has happened

Super loads of effort - basically a lovely candlelit takeaway in the the park. Loads of eye contact and some flirting/chemistry laughing and it was so good

Get to the end and I offer him the hug he wanted. He visibly freaks out about Coronavirus and flaps, saying he could if he held his breath and also he feels like he would be a hypocrite as he has told his ex she can’t mix their kids with family overnight as none of them are abiding by any rules etc - so like anxious control? I don’t know

Anyway my stomach literally sank into my feet in that moment. I do respect other people’s principals and would hate someone to be annoyed about my principals so I don’t want to be a hypocrite either. I just felt so disappointed.

He did give me a hug eventually, which was nice but I drove away actually a bit upset. He’s since messaged me about how much he likes me etc so I don’t know if I just need to look past this and ride it out. Or cut my losses. I really don’t know what to do I’ve never been in this situation

This is the message he sent me after. I clearly am having strong feelings for him or I wouldn’t have felt so very disappointed. So at least I now know how i feel and he’s trying to do damage limitation 😂

I had such a nice evening, thanks again! Roll on some point we can make contact for real! I was watching you talk and you're (sorry if this sounds cringe) beautiful! Like I really just wanted to snuggle up and get cosy chatting, and I'd have kissed your face off too (consent permitting obvs 😂)

@Menora his message sounds promising, I know it's so crap though

Awww good message.

Why do I feel upset though 😂

I think lockdown is difficult @Menora and we are all handling it differently and have different boundaries. I'm much more relaxed now that at the start of lockdown. Me and my BF have something our journey so slowly from FaceTime, 2m apart walks, then closed, then hand holding, then kissing... it took us ages to feel our way through what was safe.

It seems like it's not that he doesn't want to but his lockdown journey is different to yours.

@Menora you feel upset because it feels like a rejection. In normal times it would have been a rejection and we can't refrain our brain and emotions to the lockdown norms.

I’m not angry with him I just don’t like how I felt about it all. I just suppose this could go on for months and months - there will not be a ‘safe’ period for a long time so now I feel emotionally locked off I think, and stuck like I can’t progress naturally with someone, for an undefined period of time.

I completely understand exactly how you feel @Menora

He’s just asked me to bubble up with him. What does this entail 😂

We are only bubbled with my ex and my DC and no intention to bubble with anyone else

It means you could hug him! He's clearly thought about it a lot and come up with a way to be physical with you. He has good boundaries and he's sticking to them but he wants to get physical with you. I'm quite impressed although I would feel like you, rejected And rebuffed but actually it's neither. He sounds like a decent man and let's face it most of us don't come across those that often.

@Notcoolmum has summed up perfectly. Different lockdown boundaries. I'm fairly relaxed but careful. I didn't see Mr U in proper lockdown but did once it was relaxed and also I'd clearly had it. ExH saw his gf but she hasn't seen anyone else but then didn't for14 days after he was ill. It's different ideas of safety and attitudes to rules.

I know it’s not a rejection I think I had really felt anxious about it all day! So it was just like a huge downer on it all. I do really want to respect his principals and boundaries - I do - and I don’t judge him for it. I’m not cross with him at all. I just felt really deflated. We are talking about the bubble now. Our kids can’t mix as never met each other 😂 but we could mix more I suppose

Re me and Mr U I think it's OK actually. I will carry on swiping and still see him but infrequently. My heart was so broken when we split up last year. But this last time I was just a bit sad for a couple of days. I'm actively dating, he's not. Well I've got a date on Saturday at least but the more we chat the more I think I won't fancy him.

Whoever said something about it stopping me having a relationship this may be true. But I genuinely don't see how I have time for a proper one in between study/kids/friends/allotment/time consuming hobbie. I also like my time alone. I guess if I met the right person they'd fit in so I will continue dating or more likely meet someone eventually IRL. I don't want someone in my daughters lives either. I don't think I want a relationship but I do want someone maybe once a week/fortnight. Anyway it is what it is and who knows what will happen. But it won't be a proper relationship again and that's my choice as much as his.

Bubble means he can stay overnight @Menora !!

So I’ve bit the bullet and asked a guy out. Been chatting on hinge a couple of weeks. He’s really not my usual type but then my usual type appears to be arseholes. So let’s call him Mr Wollaton. He lives nearby, he’s got a good job, owns his own house, car etc. He’s told me he’s not really had a lot going on on hinge which makes me feel a bit better that he’s not a player. Conversation has been good, a little bit flirty but not overly, he’s not my usual type looks wise but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and meet him. You never know do you :)

@Notcoolmum
We have not even kissed and talking about bubbling up what has the world come to 😂

Oh @Menora, I really feel for you - and him! I can picture the scene and your disappointment and his anxiety

It sounds like he’s reflected since and come up with a solution (though bubbling up sounds a bit serous!)

I got all scared about tinder earlier and decided to delete my profile (it should be exciting not scary!) but I had two interesting messages so I’ve hidden my profile but kept talking to them. Mr Outdoors seems interesting.

I just deleted the “Hi” (nothing else) messages. Too picky?!

I think ordinarily (i.e. on pof/match, a 'hi' alone message would be crap and I'd delete. But I get the impression with Tinder that it's in huge doubt whether one person will reply at all so I'd probably think 'hi' might be OK if you then get a good second reply once you've 'hi'd back.

craving happy birthday 🥳 💐 hope you had a good day

cheesecake Agree with pp, 4 hours notice for work reasons is rubbish. It may be that he was nervous but didn’t want to admit it. so made up an excuse - I think telling you so late is a slightly good sign if that makes sense. If it was me I might consider meeting again but stress he has some making up to do... and if it happens again, bin.

menora wow. Candles in the park? That sounds so lovely and he’s kind of right on his stance but it sounds like his defences are out the window now. I bet he was kicking himself all the way home 😂

hairy sorry your match didn’t come through. It’s entirely possible she’s not been on to see you, or if she’s recently joined she’s not got to your profile yet. I don’t know how OKCupid works - is it the same as bumble etc?

@MsJaneAusten I reply to all the "hi" and "how's your day" with the same question back. I think it's a lame opening, at least use my name fgs. But at least it is an opener and It gives them the chance to come back with something more interesting. But I'll only put in the same level of effort. I generally don't send the first message unless they're really really hot. And then generally don't get a reply.

@Menora it sounds like he put a lot of thought into that date and he has obviously been doing a lot of research and planning since that date about how he can see you more. This is a really good sign and it's kind of forced you to think about how you see him. But I can see why it would have been really disappointing after the date. I think the constant stream of death tolls and r-rates and all the negative news has really affected some people a lot harder than others and slowly slowly the world is starting to open up, so things will get back to normal. Another way of looking at is, instead of bubbling up with a friend or a relative, who he's known longer, he's chosen you.

@Menora I can totally understand how you felt but it sounds like he put the effort in, I'd definitely give him another chance.

Dating is so difficult right now, Mr W messaged straight away when Boris announced Bubbles are allowed. But he hasn't suggested a meet. I am frustrated. He says all the right things and I do get a good feeling from him... but it's not real until it's real!

I've also joined pof, stared chatting to someone, we will call him Mr Cars. I think I may have chatted to him last year as he seems familiar but something is telling me 'no' I'm not sure what that is yet.

@Ihavenicelegs OkCupid has long form profiles (no character limits) with as many question prompts as you want to add, a reasonable search function and a questionnaire that covers every aspect and attitude to life if you can be bothered to answer. It tries to match you up based on those questions. I think perhaps because it requires a bit of effort to create a profile there are fewer on there, but it’s entirely flexible, you can go minimal or go large. However I would say it attracts the wordier types.

Yesterday was utterly shit for so many personal reasons.

It wasn't helped by me constantly checking if Mr Music was online.

I did some tears

Today is a new day, Mr Food was very sweet last night.

I'm chatting to a new iron, he seems really nice. I'll name him later if he keeps it up.