Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks @ZoZoBo I think I agree to try another meet up. What is it you feel you need to tell Mr Posh?

@Misty9 That I’m not into what he is despite some fun chats we’ve had! I was really just exploring a sexual side in our chats but that that particular kink or whatever is can be labeled is not for me.
I keep doubting myself and asking myself am I just scared about sex with someone now that it might actually happen soon!

I think if he's a decent guy then he wouldn't push it anyway, at the crucial point? It's easy to say stuff on messages that you wouldn't necessarily automatically do in real life? If you like him so far, go for it

@zozobo maybe talk to him about it when you are face to face. If he's a geniune guy, he wouldn't push you to do something you are uncomfortable with.

So Mr America cancelled. He's said he's snowed under with work and can we do it tomorrow, but I don't know. It doesn't bode well, does it.

@CheesecakeAddict How much notice has he given you for cancelling?

And knock this "he actually seems really nice and I'm actually attracted to him, so now I'm nervous he is going to stand me up. " nonsense on the head straight away. If any man does that they are not nice and you've had a lucky escape. I'm constantly amazed at the number of men who initiate chats, message for days (weeks?), arrange a meet up and then cancel - so many of them just seem to see the chats as a way of spicing up their mundane lives, but they are difficult to weed out - they're very good at it.

On tinder for two days now and just gobsmacked at the quantity of men! 3-4 meets lined up already

Expect 2-3 of them to be duds but it’s a lot.

I don’t know the exact statistics, but one of my matches said tinder has the monopoly and it does seem a lot more people than other sites?

Need to find a strategy to pace myself as I think as I’m at risk of being emotionally overwhelmed.

No message back from MrMilitary

I think it’s good that I’m showing some emotional growth here and not “forcing things” by having any discussions or worrying too much or not dating others - he’s contacted me, I said no then changed my mind, he has his stuff, I have mine and that’s fine?

It will be a Xmas reunion if I miss him this time, that’s fine.

@JeSuisPrest 4 hours. I suppose it's better than standing in a park and him not showing.
It was so weird though because we were only talking for 3 days before deciding to meet up. I've said tomorrow is a possibility but I'm only going to meet if I can be bothered. I can't be messed around again.

@cheesecakeaddict was he just given a new bit of work or do you get the sense he's bad at time management? Lots of people are anxious about losing their jobs and working extra hard at the moment which I might excuse but if he's just disorganised or not motivated enough to meet you that isn't a good sign. You're probably right to give him an extra chance until you've worked out which of these he is.

@CheesecakeAddict - 4 hours? Poorly kid, childcare fallen through, broken down car, raging squits - all valid excuses - but "busy at work" for a first meeting? If he was that bothered he'd meet you then go back to work to finish off/work through his lunch - it's rude imo, he committed to meet you, he should do it. 6 dates in I'd let it slide, but it doesn't create a great first impression does it?

ime those that start off messing you about never improve. You could be right - he might think he's all that and a bag of chips (the crisp kind, not the salt and vinegary kind - is that American enough?)

@JeSuisPrest you're right, and I'm going to constantly wonder whether he's going to sack me off. I'm just going to cook something nice with DD tonight, drink fruit cider and watch something nice on TV and not let it bother me.

Would someone mind taking a look at my tinder profile? It doesn't need to be a man but I'm just not getting any messages including from someone who apparently super liked me (so an obvious error 😔). I must have a dodgy off-putting photo on there or maybe too much info in my bio, or maybe I just look like quasimodo and I don't realise it 😂😂 but some feedback would be nice

@jesuisprest can you please just come and sit on my shoulder ☺️ everything u say is so right but I seem to lapse everytime some of these things are done to me and give them 2nd chances.

cheesecake

Just an offhand thought (I’m a bit of a tinder newbie so excuse me if I’m wrong) but I do get the vibe the “match to message ratio” is normally low?

So I’ve got shitloads of matches but they don’t seem to have time to message every match (which is fair enough, as I don’t have time to message with all my matches for sure!)

@CheesecakeAddict why don't we look at each other's profile for some independent advice

@CheesecakeAddict 4 hours. And no noticeable emergency?! Nah mate.

@Bunkbedpeople from my sadly vast experience, men don't do their filtering on the swipe. They swipe loads. Then they filter on the matches. So of they don't message you they aren't pleased you have matched and you've not got past the filter. I know some men on here are different (notably @HairyArsedMan ) but that has been my experience. I also don't send the initial message on tinder for that reason. I have filtered before I swipe. And then will filter again I get a hey sexy message!!

Thanks for your replies. The hard thing is that he really does seem to want a friendship and he even said he went internet dating mainly to make friends after a tumultuous relationship ended , which he might believe but I don’t buy otherwise why would he look disappointed when he saw me? I feel so low. It was such an intense three months. I told him two weeks ago I’d be in contact in a few weeks but I’m not even sure what I have to say. Thanks for your advice.

@Notcoolmum

Yes agree- I think as well chats fade out quite quickly (I mean I’m fading on guys quite soon as well!) just because of the sheer quantity of people on the site!

But I don’t think it’s personal.

I almost think the “swipe” is like the “like” button on social media - it’s a quick “that’s a nice pic” without indicating serious interest

I have to admit I’ve gone into swiping frenzies and just swiped without paying that much attention

@prowlingbroom I don't think people go on online dating to make friends. The past relationship comment makes me wonder whether he has gone on there to try and get over or get back at his ex and sadly you've ended up caught up in that.

@cravingthelook that would be lovely!

@prowlingbrooms this is why lockdown has made dating hard. Normally we would say to meet up as soon as possible to avoid this situation. Anyway, stuff what he wants, you joined a dating site to have dates. And I imagine you don't want to hear about his dates post you as his friend. So throw this one back.

I'm happy to look as well @CheesecakeAddict if you still want opinions.

@CheesecakeAddict so what do we do, screenshots PM'd?

prowlingbrooms I've been in a similar position and heard a very similar story about an ex. So I agreed to stay friends. It doesn't have a happy ending. Because one of you is always hoping it will be more than friendship. And the ex is always an unspoken issue.

As others have said, you're looking for dates not friends, so keep looking and say no to his offer of friendship

CheesecakeAddict that sounds like a poor excuse. First date, he should be super keen to meet you. Enjoy your evening doing what you want to do.
Super likes are often mistakes. Especially if you're switching from Tinder to Bumble.

@cravingthelook thank you for your words of wisdom, I've already had 3 people initiate a conversation which is the most in 2 weeks 😂.

Thank you for the offer @twinkleinyoureye but I think I'm OK for now, now