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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To those who have stayed after sexting...

302 replies

Purplesndteal · 01/06/2020 11:24

I'm still undecided about what to do. My heart says leave but my brain says stay.

The background is that he does have a past of addiction. He was addicted to porn and sex chats. Before that he was a recreational drug user, but on the verge of addiction too. I've always known this. I never had an issue with it. I know he has some compulsion/instant gratification issues too. I'm a sociologist so I know a bit about human behaviour.

The pint is that before this incident he was the perfect man. In every single way. We just had a baby in October, had juat bought and moved to our new house and we're starting to plan our wedding. Apart from some minor lockdown related niggles we lived a blissful life.

I don't see this incident equal to cheating I see it closer to porn, but the trust issue (he could have told me, I wouldn't had been mad as I know his past) is what for the most part breaks my heart. Yes, he should have stopped, but having seen addictions and compulsive behaviours (me included) I understand how hard that can be.

Anywho, for those who moved on and stayed together, how did you survive the initial mood swings? I go from empathy/sympathy to sadness and anger. He says he'll do anything I ask. He'll do rehab again (he did in the past for the porn). He's remorseful I can tell and he wants to get sorted.

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 02/06/2020 13:21

Actually no, I want single. I was with first guy but not the second one

I meant you were cheating on your partner.

GilbertMarkham · 02/06/2020 13:22

*weren't

booboo24 · 02/06/2020 13:22

Your boundaries are literally on the floor both in how you behave and how you accept being treated.

He fancies her, he would shag her given the chance

Yes he's her type -for a Shag or 'just' sexting

She's different to you (not worse than you as you'd like to think) which is exactly why he is sexting her and not you (or not only you)

You are educated but lack common sense (this is quite normal!)

If all of us are wrong and your relationship is perfect, then why start all of this? Would it be easier if we all agreed that the poor lamb is poorly and can't help himself? That seems to be the only response that will keep you happy.

TorkTorkBam · 02/06/2020 13:23

You exhibit a very low EQ.

Have you ever been assessed for ASD?

vikingwife · 02/06/2020 13:27

@torktorkbam I head what you’re saying but she’s saying she has had a spell of sadness (depression) now experiencing anger + excitement and euphoria. I could be projecting (hope am wrong) but a lot of times mania is anger + euphoria

Also when she talked about literally being able to see flowers in the field, that description of how bright the world etc...

backseatcookers · 02/06/2020 13:29

Not really you can have meaningless sex acts. What matters IMO is if feelings are involved. Once there something more than lust or boredom and there's an actual bond that's when I think the relationship is broken beyond repair.

You're focusing on the wrong bits IMO. You say this and that would all be fine if it was out in the open.

Because it's lying / doing things in secret that is your issue - that's what you've said repeatedly.

So if he had shagged this woman in secret but no emotions were involved are you saying that would have been ok because the principle is that meaningless = acceptable.

Is it the case that him doing shagging her in secret would have broken the trust irreparably? Or only if he shagged her in secret and had an emotional connection?

ThisShitCrazy · 02/06/2020 13:34

Didn't it say further up that he had known this woman for 6 years? Sounds like there's feelings involved to me

Purplesndteal · 02/06/2020 13:37

In the scale of 1-10 I'm thinking that yes with emotions that would be over. Just sex and only sex would have to think about, but really it's about the boundaries that we're creating for our relationship together this time.

I've been assessed. I though I was bipolar too but apparently my episodes are not long enough. That has been said by three different professionals

OP posts:
ThisShitCrazy · 02/06/2020 13:38

Oh come off it, he could shag your mother and it wouldn't be over

backseatcookers · 02/06/2020 13:40

So you're saying he'd had sex and only sex with her this time around you would still be staying with him and seeking counselling / potentially agreeing to an open relationship if he does decide he wants that?

You're telling yourself that this whole situation isn't as hurtful to you as it clearly is.

Like I said I think if anything it's worse if he risked your relationship and self esteem (which you said this had really dented on another thread) to sex someone he doesn't even fancy.

I'm not sure you want to be helped or to retain your self esteem, I think you just want it to work out with him so badly that you'll do whatever makes that happen.

Purplesndteal · 02/06/2020 13:48

He hurt our relationship and what it meant to me or the idea that I had of it. That's what hurt. That and my trust. I thought we had good enough communication to avoid all of this, but obviously we didn't.

OP posts:
HauntedGoatFart · 02/06/2020 13:56

OP I strongly advise that you stop engaging with this thread.

Start building some body-centred mindfulness. Maybe download an app and do some mindfulness practice centred on your body for ten minutes each day. Put off doing a PhD for now and get a job, you're doing yourself no favours hiding in academia. And break things off with your therapist and start looking for one who challenges you more, one centred around relationships and real change.

BertiesLanding · 02/06/2020 14:01

Hello, OP.

Stick with your therapy.

If you love it right now, that's great, because it will hopefully enable you to form a strong therapeutic alliance with your therapist, which will stand you in good stead when you stop loving therapy.

It will be at this point that the real therapy starts.

BertiesLanding · 02/06/2020 14:03

And if you continue to love therapy for weeks and week, then find yourself a new therapist. Or, better still, an analyst, who will see this for what it is, and will be able to get past your very quick mind, and get to what lies underneath. It will be something you have been (so ably) avoiding your whole life.

backseatcookers · 02/06/2020 14:07

He hurt our relationship and what it meant to me or the idea that I had of it. That's what hurt. That and my trust. I thought we had good enough communication to avoid all of this, but obviously we didn't.

I think this is the most insightful post you've shared.

I hope your therapist can help you tap into the self awareness shown in that post and cut out the background noise of the picture perfect life and romanticised relationship that isn't real and isn't healthy for you to keep clinging on to.

If a therapist doesn't challenge you at all on your feelings and just accepts what you say, they aren't doing you any favours.

I hope they can start to challenge your thinking instead of just validating (as I fear it sounds like) your own wishful thinking eg it's sex addiction not just him being a dick and breaking your trust because he thought he'd get away with it / was bored / wanted a cheap thrill more than he wanted you to be happy.

I think some time apart would do you the world of good because to be someone else's entire world is unsustainable whereas I think you think it's a goal.

artyandtarty · 02/06/2020 14:54

Oh dear god....

Addictions are a MH issue. I wouldn't abandon someone with a chronic disease.

Too bad most of his addictions have been somewhat sex related then? seems like he just can't keep it in his pants nor can he stop the 'sexting' disease Hmm

Sounds like he just wants to put it elsewhere to me... chronic addiction disease?!?!?! I've heard it all now.

Wake up OP, may as well stamp 'MUG' on your head!

Purplesndteal · 02/06/2020 15:24

Thanks backseat . What of the biggest take outs of this situation is that my relationship is definitely not a fairy tale. My therapist once told me that I had to understand that healthy couples still argue and that having an argument wasn't the end of the world. I can't remey the context of that comment but she did.

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 02/06/2020 15:54

I think they probably picked up on the fact that in most healthy relationships, partners are able to on an ongoing basis discuss issues and problems without being worried that will mean everything falls down - because they haven't put the relationship on an unrealistic pedestal.

Instead they have built it from solid foundations, with both partners already having emotional maturity, healthy (compatible) boundaries, stable mindsets and well suited communication styles from the start.

If you can't be 100% yourself in a relationship, you won't be 50% of a healthy couple.

That's not to say most people in healthy relationships are perfect - far from it, it's that they have self awareness of their strengths and weaknesses and want to learn and grow - doing that hard work on themselves to be ready for a relationship.

Your relationship sounds like two people with existing issues and conflicting boundaries and communication styles, so when there is a problem instead of communicating it healthily you fear that your relationship will implode so avoid confronting it and instead hide behind the romanticised version of the relationship.

Long term that will become toxic as underlying resentment will grow, more issues will crop up and boundaries will be broken.

Being so reliant on each other for all your needs is impossible to live up to. I understand you say well what am I supposed to do about my needs if I don't have friends etc but that's where having a good therapist comes in.

A good therapist won't let you dismiss the option of leaving on that basis, they will work with you to challenge it and develop tools to start to make friends and have elements of your life outside the relationship. That should be something everyone has, not just people who are potentially splitting up.

I notice you've said you wouldn't ever want another relationship and would be happy with your baby and dog if you split. You need to talk that over with your therapist.

Because it would be so life changing for you to be open to a non perfect (in that you wouldn't put it on such a romanticised pedestal) but genuinely healthy, happy and stable relationship.

At the moment I think you think of love as passion, intensity, dependence and sex. And drama. I used to be like that and was in abusive relationships - us against the world, can't live without each other etc.

Love doesn't have to be like that - you can have passion and emotional connection and amazing sex without the drama and negative intensity. You should never feel your world would come crashing down and you'd hibernate alone if a relationship ended.

It's unhealthy and it actually makes your relationship stand still in time and not grow the roots to remain strong - because you aren't growing as people separately, you are in a status quo together and that often means a cycle of drama because it's what you're used to.

I know this thread might have felt hard for you but you are very, very resistant to being challenged in your thinking and also resistant to hearing things that shine a light on your partners flaws. By resisting those things you're painting yourself to other people as a martyr and (I hate to say it) a mug.

You have more in your locker than that and you aren't tapping into it because this relationship and your cognitive dissonance about the relationship are totally blocking you moving forward in your life, whether you stay together or not.

From what you've said he is clearly not ready, willing or able to do the hard work needed either. I don't think you can work through these issues while you're together.

Remember you're in a relationship based on his credentials not his potential.

Purplesndteal · 02/06/2020 16:27

backseat you're very insightful thank you. I just wanted to clarify that before I met him I was happy on my own with my dog. Then I met him and it's like my world was in technicolour. I felt anything between 15 and 25 again. I also wrote a list when I was 21 of what my ideal should be like... And there were bits of it that were uncanny (he had to be a farmer or from a farming background for some reason and own a very specific guitar in a very specific colour).

It hasn't helped that many things have matched in dates by coincidence. The baby was born exactly one year on the date when we had a miscarriage. We also got the keys to our house on our anniversary. The engagement ring was given the day we found out I was pregnant. I think there might be another one. I'm sure it's just a coincidence but added to the fantasy of it. And in all honesty outside of this stupid episode, our lives were happy. Our children were all happy and settled. Up until last week we were working on not having arguments but rather solving whatever the issue was before the argument started.

Unlike my ex husband, he calms me down and talks to me until I calm down. We've only had three big arguments since we've been together, the latest one during luck down when I had a complete breakdown. I genuinely don't understand what happened. Originally he said that he didn't know it himself. That he just felt sick and dirty and disgusted with himself. He says he'll do anything to gain my trust again. That he hates what he's done to me. I want to believe him but it takes time to know of he means it.

He does listen to me, very silly examples but he knows I'm very particular about the laundry so he's now doing it in my style. Things that he's got annoyed in the past he's now aware that it's himself who has a problem and he's fixing that.
The usual trend is that of he knows it's a problem for me he'll change his behaviour so there's no reason for that argument anymore.

I honestly thought we had a decent relationship idealisation aside. I just don't know why he did it. He seems almost as confused

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 02/06/2020 16:46

He already told you why he did it.

He felt the sexual desire to do it, thought he could get away with it and decided to go ahead and do it.

Why don't you believe what he is telling you?

It's a tale as old as time. Bog standard selfish sleazeball bloke. The world isn't short of them. It's not unheard of!

costco · 02/06/2020 16:55

" he hates what he's done to me"
Yes, he is being honest when he says that. The issue here, as a few people have said, is that your relationship is quite a combination, with a few volatile factors on both sides. I actualy think it could still work out fine, but: one thing that struck me in your earlier posts was that a lot of his actions are actually quite cloying and intense, I mean they're sweet, yes, but he exhibits a certain amount of drama in all his actions, demonstration of tenderness, affection, professions of love, dramatic remorse. What I am getting at is that I think he likes intense feelings, either of love, excitement or guilt. When your relationship is trucking along nicely, he doesn't get quite enough drama, so unconsciously perhaps he creates a situation that gives him the big feelings again.
Now, this is not to say he doesn't love you or isn't a nice person. He could be both of those, but he needs to work on finding a different outlet for his adrenaline needs. Get him into trail running? go for a really long walk together without a map in the welsh hills? (actually, careful, mountain rescue might get a bit pissy!)
Those suggestions are a bit flippant, but I do mean he needs an additional focus that isn't about your relationship, and so do you. Ideally together, but even if he booked himself a weekend of climbing skills (once this is over), that could be a great start.

Vodkacranberryplease · 02/06/2020 17:12

I think you have far too many therapists - none of whom appear to be doing much, and not enough of a real life. Therapy is not and should not be a replacement for a social life. Whatever's going in here is obviously not normal but maybe you are too young to deal with it just yet and would be better focusing on having a life.

Currently you're spending vast amounts of your free time and money on something b that you find interesting but is not actually working.

And if there is some kind of diagnosis to be had you need to get it before therapy will be much help. Just take up fucking skydiving if you want excitement. Or scuba diving. Anything that gets you out of your head and away from this three ring circus.

TorkTorkBam · 02/06/2020 17:28

I agree with vodka

It sounds like your hobbies are going to therapy and playing armchair psychologist on your bf.

Join a cycling group or a book club or something instead.

Be a bit less me, me, me, I am the centre of the universe.

ThisShitCrazy · 02/06/2020 17:30

You've been married before and are still this naive? Wow

MarthasGinYard · 02/06/2020 17:39

'And what am I supposed to do about my emotional needs? That's kind of why we got the dog.'

So 'we' got the dog?