Walking away from a narcissist- advice please

[Nursing2029]

Hi
After posting yesterday its clear I am dealing with a narcissist.
For some reason i am finding it hard to walk away - fear or change, I still have feelings and disruption to my kids are the things I think about( they are not his kids).
Any advice on how to get away from him would be good, I didn't realise until yesterday how much he has mucked about with my head x

@Vodkacranberryplease
I just said I am a lot younger that him.
It's not upsetting me the way it used to after speaking to everyone on here.

Anger is good. It is the correct response to his behaviour. Your anger is what will save you. Stoke that fire, don't damp it down.

What vodka suggests is a good way of revealing him for what he is.

Let's say every time he makes a "joke" that puts you down you respond with a "joke" that puts him down.

You'll soon see the mask slip. One rule for him, a different rule for you.

"Ha ha grandad, nice one, old duffers like you are lucky to have younger women like me willing to even look at you ."

Any push back you say "Mate, it was a joke, don't be so sensitive." Like he would do with you.

As fun as it sounds to give them a taste of their own medicine...you have to be careful because- they will punish you for it. If not right then, later.

You can't beat them at their own came any way. When you think about it, hitting back with insults and passive aggressiveness...is just you becoming more like them. And why would you ever want to be like them?

Fuck their chess game.
Tip the table over and get outa there.

Game

I think mirroring their game is useful because you quickly have evidence that they are dickheads. The punishment wil be horrific. Any doubt is removed. Then you end the relationship. Game over.

@torktorkbam
It's weird, something has definitely changed I think its because I know I cant change him, not at all.
I think he is a bit pathetic. X

Definately useful for that. I think we would all agree that ops partner has presented enough evidence that he is a dickhead though? xD

And for some reason, op isnt quite ready to go yet...

I'm not sure op...wracking my brains as to why you are putting this off. Are you hoping to end things on a 'good day' or something? Like ending on a high note? Cause I hate to say it but it wont be painless either way.

And if he cottons on that you are getting ready to leave...he may break up with you first. And that'll feel worse :/

@Bunnymumy
Can I hit him over the head with the table:)

@Bunnymumy
Its funny you should say that a couple of times I have been ready to finish things and he senses it and ramps up his games and finishes it in a horrible way.
I panic as there is no closure and end up back at square one.
I don't feel ready but don't think I ever will either

Only if you're sure it'll lay him unconscious and you can dispose of the body appropriately and in a timely fashion...ideally through a wood chipper. Dont go to jail for the bastard xD

Joking
...
....
Honest...

:(

I think you'll probably find that you will wake up one day and just be like 'sod this shit' and do it. Now you know what he is.

You can totally do it.
And dont worry about being single. That's what netflix is for!

I've often noticed that narcissists tend to make their partners feel as though they can be taken or left at a moments notice. That you don't matter to them and if you leave them it's your loss and they'll move on within 24 hours as there's someone better than you waiting round the corner.

Surprisingly, and I only learned this after being strong enough to 'accept that I wasn't wanted', once you cut ALL contact, it messes with their heads. They all of a sudden NEED you to acknowledge they exist. You're suddenly a cold hearted bitch for letting them go so easily - even though that's the constant threat you lived under with them. First it's anger, then grovelling, it's amazing how it unfolds.

If you can find the strength to block him completely and not look back, you'll be doing yourself and your children such a big favour. And no matter how deep you go in blocking him, he'll find a way to contact you. If you are able to post his stuff back to him then that's even better.

@Bunnymumy
Thanks:)
I do worry about being single, watching tv without someone moaning at me sounds like heaven xx

@SuckingDownDarjeeling
Hi

Thanks for your reply.
That's exactly what it is like, he has me where he wants me. Weak and like he does not care.
Thanks for your advice x

It is like jumping off a diving board or going into a difficult exam. You'll never feel ready.

At some point you take a breath, stop thinking, say fuck it and step off the board or into the exam hall. The first few seconds are terrifying but then you are in the zone reacting to the situation (swimming, answering a question), then you've done it, it's over, you feel amazing, buzzing even as you are shaking like a leaf.

I don't know if I would poke the bear , I think these people hold grudges for a very long time and you don't want to give them any more fuel to slander you with afterwards . You just don't .

One day my ex was telling me this story about how years ago he was struggling through a bereavement and his wife patted him on the arm and went into the kitchen to talk to her mother who was there to visit him ... (I would have stayed in the kitchen as well ) anyway . That's it . That's the whole story and he called her cold and heartless and he was obviously coming from a place where he really felt these things . I was unnerved at the time but I thought "there must be more to this ". And I thought that because I would need more to feel that aggrieved .

You won't get closure and you won't understand . And if he works out that's what you are trying to do he will punish you for it .

@Torktorkbam
I am nearly there.
I am too tired to continue with his shit. He is such a drain on me x

@CrazyDaysAndMondays
He holds a grudge over his ex girlfriend, said she was nuts etc. She went to the trouble of sending him a 14 page letter to tell him exactly the sort of person he was.
Its impacting my life in too many ways I have gained weight, I just feel so drained.
He would say it's a joke but he doesn't like listening to things on the radio that he doesn't like as in if I like a song he will either ask me to turn or or talk over it.
He never has money when I want to do stuff but finds it for the things he wants.
At Christmas I only have my kids every other Christmas eve and the last one was my year, he ruined it. He hates having to do things that he hasn't planned. All fine when we spend time with his family.
On boxing day I had people coming over he was going to go out running and not come back. He never ever apologises.
So many red flags when I look back x

It's not a long term strategy. Th only one that works long term is leave. But it stops you feeling so powerless and exposes them for what they are. A decent man might back down and maybe apologise and a lot of leaving is about being sure you aren't making a mistake. That there's not that lovely man still inside.

The age one is a corker. You could turn it into a long running piss take joke so very easily.

@vodkacranberryplease
The best of it is I am 8 years younger than him and have been told I look younger than that. He is just awful.
Anything to chip away at what confidence is left x

Where's Lord Dickhead now?

Is he in your house?

@Torktorkbam
Yes, kids are at their dads.
He has just had a nap. In the usual arrogant mood.

A nap? What is he, fucking 80?? Jesus 🙄

@TorkTorkBam Lord Dickhead 😁😁