Walking away from a narcissist- advice please

[Nursing2029]

Hi
After posting yesterday its clear I am dealing with a narcissist.
For some reason i am finding it hard to walk away - fear or change, I still have feelings and disruption to my kids are the things I think about( they are not his kids).
Any advice on how to get away from him would be good, I didn't realise until yesterday how much he has mucked about with my head x

How do you feel about being alone with him when the kids are not with you?

@TorkTorkBam
I look forward to it at first but then reality sets in and he is a shit usually, so I have no idea why I want it to stay this way.

We would are feel hard to walk away. I totally get you! If someone is a narcissist, the chance of change is zero. So be brave and just cut it. Time is changing, there are lots of good men.

Drain the dread by making plans for when the kids are not with you, even in lockdown.

Choose a box set to binge watch; friends to meet online or in a garden; recipes to try; hike in the country; cupboards to clear; room to decorate; course to do; exercise routine to follow, etc.

You can do this

@susanB86
Thanks. I keep thinking next week or Monday or after we do something we have planned.
It is hard, he has got worse and worse over they years.x

@TorkTorkBam
Thanks, I appreciate it.
All good ideas and also sounds like fun. Rather than what happens now.

@Triptrapdollydumpling
Thanks for your support xx

Build up a really strong image in your mind of what your life will be like then it will be easy to ditch him.

I honestly think you should work on building up your life outside of him (like TorkTorkBam says), go out more without him ... Get used to being on your own more . It's so hard to do that with lockdown though ... Bloody covid-19. I'm getting sick of it all . But just , plan that just now xxxxx

@TorkTorkBam
I think I will start to write things down.
How can someone at 46 act like this?
Its like dealing with a child , unbelievably petty.x

How can someone your age be willing to put up with a big baby ?

Focus on you and what you want not what he is and what you wish he were. You. What could your life be like if you started living it.

@TorkTorkBam
Thanks.
I am a bit younger- 38. I dont know what I put up with it, I feel like I have forgot to be normal. Very dramatic i know ;).
Thanks, this is really good advice and I appreciate it x

@CrazyDaysAndMondays10
I know, I don't know what it is that is holding me back, it stupid.
The covid thing doesn't help but at least k wouldn't have to see him in the office and fingers crossed I get into uni.
I have so much i should be enjoying and looking forward to.
I have disconnected from my friends :( x

Right then that's your plan, lose the loser and get back in contact with your friends.

If you were to end the relationship tomorrow how would you do it?

Honestly , don't beat yourself up about it and you're not stupid. Coming on here and asking the questions your asking shows that you want change. You're coming to terms with a lot and do it on your own terms and in your own time . That's something you have maybe lost a bit. Control over your own life?

When do you find out about uni? I have passed the conditional requirements so I'm starting this year as well ... You have your children .... Soon your life is going to be fuller and maybe that will make it easier . You are going to be okay

@TorkTorkBam
I would just tell him it is not working. Calmly, I dont have any stuff I need to get from his.
I think about this all the time but never make the final jump.

@TorkTorkBam
Would love to tell him exactly what I think of him but I don't have the energy.

@That is amazing, what are you going to study?
I am waiting on the mark from my final assessment, should get it on Monday, fingers crossed.
I have lost control, I am in autopilot at the moment.

I do want to change, the advice on here has been amazing x

Never any point in doing a character assassination on anyone. It doesn't help either of you in reality.

What if you wrote the break up message but only sent it on the day of your results?

@TorkTorkBam
I would then be at his level if I told him what I thought. He does that quite a lot - I asked him earlier not to make fun of the way I speak, his response but its ok for you to do it. I dont do that.
I think he is building up to cause an argument and leave so I need to just let him this time.
If he doesn't that sounds like a good plan.
Writing it down would help get it put my mind.

Tempted to add a screenshot of a message he sent to a woman on it too, he would say it was innocent but if a guy was messaging me telling me I was amazing and he found me personally inspiring i would say that is flirting.

Do not add the screenshot.

That would switch it from being the end message to the opener for a negotiation

Write another message, a long letter laying out why it is over. Then don't send it.

@TorkTorkBam
I won't:). Tempting though.
I am going to do that tomorrow, it will be a reminder to me that I need to do this.