Walking away from a narcissist- advice please

[Nursing2029]

Hi
After posting yesterday its clear I am dealing with a narcissist.
For some reason i am finding it hard to walk away - fear or change, I still have feelings and disruption to my kids are the things I think about( they are not his kids).
Any advice on how to get away from him would be good, I didn't realise until yesterday how much he has mucked about with my head x

While he is watching his boring shit, go round quietly packing all his stuff for him.

Are his keys lying around on the side? If so, quietly remove your key.

Then you can have the most superb moment of control where you tell him you want him to leave, he goes to drama pack only to find you got there first. His face will be a picture.

Mind you that's your risk moment for getting beaten up so do be careful.

And yes. Control. Don't ask tell. Just do it. You're perfectly entitled to. Who the fuck does he think he is?

If you pack his stuff you can take it out to the street by his car so he feels compelled to leave the house rapidly to stop bad things happening to it.

Then you shut and lock the door.

All of which minimises the time he spends laying into you.

@vodkacranberryplease
The pack it up and leave it at his and the text sounds like what I have in mind.
I know I cant believe i was so stupid, I was in a really bad place because of my divorce and put up with so much shit that he made me think was normal.
He thinks he is superior to everyone.

Right I'm off to watch something with a strong female lead from the suggestions on a thread running right now.

Hope your evening is filled with righteous rage @Nursing2029

@torktorkbam
I can leave it on the doorstep when he goes for his daily 10 mile run. That will give me plenty time:)

@torktorkbam
Enjoy your film and the rage is burning :)
Thanks for your advice x

Excellent. Your strength is returning.

Years ago I broke up with one. He was ten years old, balding, overweight and he eroded my self-worth as a young bright thing. Even calling me fat - I was 8 stone if that. I can remember although we didn't live together I had stuff at his and he at mine. I packed all his stuff up. I put it in a black bag on the car seat and went over. While he was slobbed in front of the TV I -went and took my key off his key ring, collected a few bits that I had that were mine CD, Book etc and put them in my handbag. I then went into the lounge and tossed his key at him and said 'You know yesterday you said I was fat and needed to lose weight, I'm taking your advice and I've decided to cut 14 stone of dead weight off" I then turned on heel and walked out. I got in my car -he was screaming about his stuff and I wound down the window and said here you go. It was in the very early days of mobile phone -I didn't go home but went to stay at a friends for a week and left my flat I couldn't block the number on my Nokia what ever it was........ so I got a number change. but not before x100 messages and 577 missed calls. I never replied to a single call ,letter or phone call ever.

Ha ha he wasn't ten years old -but ten years older. Oops!!

Can I advise you to change the locks -or remove your key asap.

@SummerDayWinterEvenings
Wow, brave brave lady.
How long had you been together?
And how long did it take you to feel better?
Thanks for sharing this with me, I appreciate it x

Haha so funny! I'm just remembering the time I broke with an absolute prick, don't know how bad he could have got because I didn't stick around. Anyway one night I packed my car up - he didn't really notice, and then went back in, told him I was leaving and grabbed the parrot he bought me.

Wedged Ernest (lorikeet) in the front seat got in the car and left. Forever. He followed me out of course making a dreadful fuss, yelling etc. I was out pretty quick. Once gone weirdly I barely gave him a thought after. He was an appalling, stupid man.

So bad I would get into his stash of Valium when he started just to get some sleep. Which is not me at all! Truly dreadful. After a little while I just thought I can't live like this. And afterwards was great. Not a single tiny regret. This was before mobile phones so it was easy too (I was very young obviously! 😉)

But back to you, @Nursing2029 I think that is an excellent plan. Then he can keep running. Far, far away. As long as he doesn't take his key running.

And buy yourself a LOVELY bottle of wine and some fantastic food. Do it on a night there's something you really want to watch on telly. Light a nice candle, take a deep breath and channel your inner Nicole Kidman. Twat.

@vodkacranberryplease
I love the fact you took the parrot.
I honestly thought I was overthinking and being oversensitive and this is how relationships are.
That makes me feel good, I think if I have control of the situation I might feel better about it.
I wish the skinny prick would keep running, I am so angry over all of this.
That sounds like a perfect night, good plan.
I will channel her - freedom :)

I am okay , i am getting a little stronger every day . Today was a bad day , but I still don't want to contact him . I'm seeing what is true rather than what I desperately wish was true.

I have a mantra , it's not that sophisticated ....

He is not my friend
He doesn't even like me
I'm sorry something hurt him but I can't save him because he abused me .

It helps , do you have anything like that ?

@Crazydaysandmondays
Hi. I hope you are ok.
It's good that you don't want to contact him.
A quote that I think of is being torn between what I feel and what I know is true.
I know it is true that he doesn't care for me.
I like yours, we definitely can't save them..nothing can.
I hope you are ok xx

I still haven't found the courage to make the last step. I feel a bot pathetic.
Yesterday he moved his work station as he didn't want to breath my air and I was apparently eating my crispbread really loud.
How about this for a mindfuck, a small insignificant thing but still made me out to be mad .. wednesday evening I need stuff from the other supermarket, just come in here with me tonight we can go there tomorrow. Thursday night - he said I didn't say that why would I, why do I need to go etc etc etc. Why so twisted?
I am in such a bad low place that the minute is is a little bit nice i think all is OK.

What'd keeping you with him?

@TorkTorkBam
Fear of the change, it has become a way of life.
I just feel quite low x

Things will change:
You'll have peace and quiet in your own home.
You won't have to walk on eggshells anymore.
You won't have someone putting you down 24/7.
You'll become an excellent female role model for your kids.
Your self esteem will improve.
You'll find yourself happy and at peace with the world far more often
And
You'll get to watch whatever you like on tv!

Change is definately good in this case.
Dont be afraid of it.

Which part of the change?

I know it is hard and I haven't been in your exact situation but I do think that being worn down and feeling inert and paralysed can be part of the reason they do what they do . I have heard of abusers trying to break down their victims over and over and over again . It happens , in so many ways . Insidious ways . He's taking your happiness and your safety and your hope . Xxxx

@Bunnymumy
Thanks.
This is what I need to hear. I get so close to it then panic.
And I feel disappointed in myself for that.
This relationship was right after my divorce and I haven't really been on my own x

@CrazyDaysAndMondays10
Thanks, I am going to read all this over and over.
Its like I can just forget what he does and how he acts, like I can't believe its that bad xx

@TorkTorkBam
Being on my own, especially when the kids are not with me.
I know its silly but it just scares me a wee bit x