Thoughts on men that like younger women

[namechangeagain12]

So I seem to come across a lot of blokes late 20's early 30's who like younger girls, between 19-21. I know we are only talking around 10 years age gap here but I think it's disgusting...

I remember when I was 19 at uni and my flat mate's 29 year old friend was trying to sleep with me - I thought he was weird as hell! I was never a immature 19 year old but still, 19 to me is still VERY young.

Is this totally normal? Am I being unreasonable here for judging a bloke for constantly liking younger girls photos? I appreciate these girls look late 20's but for some reason it freaks me out and puts me right off them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just after a gentle discussion

I know I'm hypocritical about it, that's why a find it a difficult subject.

I don't know if times have changed or we just ignored people but I don't remember anyone including our parents having a problem with our relationship at any stage

I think outside of a few highly opinionated souls on MN, nothing has changed at all.

Times have most definitely changed with regards to a lot of things around sex, consent, controlling relationships, grooming etc etc since the 80s and 90s. They were hardly great eras. It's coming out now, as those women reach their 40s and think, hang on a fucking moment.

Again, if my children,male or female, came home at 18 with someone late 20s or older I would be horrified and disgusted with that older person. I don't know any parent in my social circle who wouldn't (possibly one, who goes from controlling relationship to controlling relationship herself)
All I can say about relationships that started 20/30 years ago is that I guess as it was more socially acceptable then it was possibly less creepy

@Scott72 I get what you are saying.

I am saying I disagree.

Well, I can see that young people are good looking but especially now that my eldest looks like he's in his 20s, I just think of how young they are. Men who end up with women young enough to be their daughters, especially the ones who have daughters themselves, make my skin crawl.

And I think there is a massive difference between a 40 year old being with a 30 year old to a 30 year old being with a 20 year old. I even remember at 30 years old a 23 year old pursuing me and thinking that he was so young.

@emilybrontescorsett

I found it creepy as hell when I was a young woman. I didn't want to be pestered by old men it's vile. Often they were married too.

But the op is talking about a 29 year old - on whose planet is that old men?

And all I’m saying is that it’s either very naive and even sexist to assume the power imbalances between men and women throughout history which have led to women being seen as only valuable as walking wombs has nothing to do with this ‘finding you get women more attractive’
As several people have mentioned it’s also interesting that at precisely the age women tend to become more assertive and wise to men they are suddenly ‘less attractive’ to them ... oh and guess what ladies ... there’s nothing you can do about it it’s biology Lol
I’m simply calling bs

@ scott72 amd should add that ... you blantantly state that women’s window of attractiveness to men is much less . I’d like to hear you talk about the cultural and social reasons for this rather than just keep stating unfounded ‘facts’ and saying it’s somehow natural . I presented you with several of the most basic counters to the old school ‘it’s biology ‘ decTe and you’ve not answered any except to repeat it’s fertility, it’s fertility

But the op is talking about a 29 year old - on whose planet is that old men?

At 18 or 19, 29 would have felt very much older.

The fertility argument is flawed by one massive point. Often when men get in a relationshop with younger women, when they have already had kids and been in their 40s/50s, they often don't want more kids. Many do, to please their younger wife (if the relationship goes that far), not because they want them.

Of course most if these men love their kids, but their preference would have been not having anymore.

Exactly Trevsadick as teenager still in education, I did not want to be pestered by older men. It is as creepy as fuck. If I had a 29 year old dd and she was persistently chatting up 17 year olds, I would tell her to stop.
Do you seriously think this is acceptable?
Stop enabling this behaviour.
I would not date anyone who set their parameters at only dating younger women. Neither would I date anyone who say they would consider having children when they already have a family and are over 45. That is code for I want to date a younger woman and I know this is a way into her knickers.

If you happen to fall in m 've with someone much older/ younger then fair enough, but that is not what we are talking about is it.

The fertility argument often spouted is balls.
For the record
FACT: the sperm from a younger make us far superior to the sperm from an older man. The younger the male, the better the sperm. Anything else is billion to put it frankly. A male's sperm at 17 is superior to his sperm at 27, which is superior to his sperm at 37, which is superior to his sperm at 47.
One day society will look back and be amazed that we did not understand this in the same way we look back now at how women were blamed for not having a son.
Patriarchal bollocks.

Typos

Of course male fertility decreases with age, but at a much slower rate than female fertility.

And can't we just accept that people naturally, instinctively find youthfullness more physically attractive than age? I would've thought that would have been common sense.

I don't see anything wrong with it at that age I liked older guys not like daddy issues but like 5-15 years older. Now at neatly forty I could go in either direction with that age gap for fun. That that I would being a married lady but if I wasn't I would.

I dont think the issue SOME people have with what you are saying Scott72 is that some people male or female might find the appearance of younger people more attractive ( although many of us here have clearly stated we do NOT find younger people more attractive ). If YOU personally find younger women more attractive perhaps you just need to own that and stop blaming ‘ biology ‘ perhaps look at the reasons why .
The issue causing people to disagree , and I may be wrong, but at least to me - seems to be that you sit back and give women’s attractiveness a lifespan of their fertile years while men’s apparently last decades even u til death apparently as their technical fertility does . This theory is not only insulting to all women but particularly women who are past their fertility years , or even infertility . Additionally it has no scientific backup and is unbelievably sexist.

Well I think there are too reasons.

Firstly, there is no denying that youth is more attractive. I'm in my late 20s now and feel quite sad that my most attractive days are behind me and it's all downhill from here. We live in a patriarchal society which still grades women very much on their looks. And to some men, looks are the most important thing when seeking out a mate.

Second, because they are more easily impressed and naive, and less sensible (generally). Older women are more likely to call men out on their bullshit as well as be independent, whereas younger women may be more dependent and make him feel 'like a man' roll eyes

Either way, it's shallow and /or pathetic.

And if people find youthfulness more attractive than age how would this explain a younger woman wanting to be with an older man over a younger man . It seems your statement about preferring youthfulness over age applies only to men preferring younger women because you simultaneously state that women’s fertility and this attraction ( in your opinion. ) declines much more quickly than men’s !!!
With all your replies and not once have you addressed the fact that men’s advantage with age is that they are valued for things like character, life experience etc much greater than fertility and youth . Completely socially conditioned yet you refuse to acknowledge this blatant double standard that women experience as they get older.

Top life tip MeetMeInTheMiddle the sexiest thing there is, is the utter self belief that you look and are amazing. I've never once thought 'my best years are behind me' and good thing too, because it wouldn't have been true! There's no way it's all downhill from late twenties. I'm late forties now and it's an amazing age. I dunno, by my late sixties or seventies perhaps I'll be thinking my best years are behind me, but now? No way.

I can't see why you find it disgusting op? No one is asking you to like older guys.

I've always been into older guys. I've been with someone twice my age from when I was 20. And no he isn't a perve. He's a very loving and committed man who cooks and cleans. And most of all, loves every part of me. Together 14 years. It's not right to judge people on preference. It's no different from someone preferring the same gender. So to say my situation is disgusting is very offensive.

That’s awesome and that’s EXACTLY how it should be :)

My partner has offered me this explanation:

"Many men are very visual when it comes to physical attraction. Younger women tend to have bodies that are more visually appealing, but older women who have those bodies are also instinctively physically attractive. Of course this is just your little animal man brain reacting. How you chose to actually act and behave is up to you and there are also other things that men need to find a potential partner truly attractive in all senses. If there are mismatches in intelligence, politics, outlook etc. then these things will start to override the animal reaction. However, some men are just in it for sex or have issues that they think a 'trophy' girlfriend will solve so they don't care."

I think it is actually the same the other way round just that women have a different balance between their visual response and other things.

I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 28, and we're still together 36 years later. He got a lot of ribbing about cradle snatching when we first got together, but our relationship, which was long distance for three years, worked. I'd never been out with someone so much older, he hadn't been out with someone so much younger. He was at uni with someone who, as he got older, the girlfriends got younger. In his 60s now, it's rather creepy.

Also, I trained to be a teacher when I was 24, and there was a woman on the course who was 21 and married to a much older man (late 30s) who had been her teacher. He was incredibly controlling and creepy. She thought he was so kind and romantic, dropping her off and picking her up from uni every day, but it was just weird. I often wonder what became of her. I think he ought to have been on some sort of register!

I think I agree with Scott's line of thinking and I don't think it's particularly out there thing to say tbh. It feels like some people here are taking it very personally imo and getting annoyed because they don't want it to be true.

I don't see how one could argue against the fact that younger people are more physically attractive than older people

I still maintain women look for a larger number of different factors in a partner than men do. This leads to an imbalance whereby women are then judged more harshly on their looks than men are.

It seems unfair but life is unfair. I would much rather not have a preference as to what a man did for a living or how ambitious he is but I can't help how what he does impacts how attractive I am to him.