Thoughts on men that like younger women

[namechangeagain12]

So I seem to come across a lot of blokes late 20's early 30's who like younger girls, between 19-21. I know we are only talking around 10 years age gap here but I think it's disgusting...

I remember when I was 19 at uni and my flat mate's 29 year old friend was trying to sleep with me - I thought he was weird as hell! I was never a immature 19 year old but still, 19 to me is still VERY young.

Is this totally normal? Am I being unreasonable here for judging a bloke for constantly liking younger girls photos? I appreciate these girls look late 20's but for some reason it freaks me out and puts me right off them.

Not sure what I'm asking here, just after a gentle discussion

What do I have a chip on my shoulder about?

I said upthread I know circumstances where age gaps can work but do judge those who only ever go for a certain age.

And I said I agreed with you! Like Leonardo.

Lordy, this thread really is full of bitter women

You're just playing into the male stereotype that older women are jealous and spiteful.

Ah the bitter card.....used by people to stereotype older women who don't take shit anymore. Then you talk about stereotypes, smells like hypocrisy to me.

Where have I been bitter or venomous?

You are feeding into the stereotype than men like yoinger women because older women are bitter and dried up.

I'll let you into a secret. Lots of women who are older, don't give a shit what men or younger women who believe this think. I have dp, 2.5 years older than me. I have been married and I chose to end it. I was happy being single and would be happy to be single again. I don't want the creepy attention from older men, or the younger men wanting to add 'milf' to their lists of conquests. Thats creepy too.

I am mid 30s and life is so much better, when you realise these older women aren't bitter, then are just more comfortable le with speaking up. And that's OK.

You, believing the sterotype is perpetuating that women who speak up arent valued. Again, we are back to how this is a social construct. The fact that you jump straight to bitter, shows you don't really have the life experience to recognise what it is. And you are buying into the misogyny.

But you calling posters bitter, jealous & dull. I have lots of older women in my life who I adore they are not spiteful. My mil is challenging but not for those reasons! 🤣

Wolfgirll will not like being a Wolfwoman.

I agree with most of the posters on here...older men chasing a much younger woman are, in my opinion, creepy and likely one dimensional. I don't like to put other women down but I remember a very similar thread in this subject couple months ago in here. I tend to think the 'younger women's on this thread get extremely defensive and angry on this subject because they've been indoctrinated to believe this is all about 'older women' just being bitter and jealous. So far from the truth for me and my (very happy, satisfied, female friends in their 40s /early 50s. I have known young women who have dated or had a relationship with a much older man and they have, in both cases, had very difficult childhoods. My feeling is that these women were lacking security or feeling loved by one or both parents. I'm not saying that applies to all, that was the case with the ones I know about though.

I’m 26 and I wouldn’t date a man my age. My DP is 32 so not very much older than me, but I don’t notice the age gap. I honestly think most men are quite immature (in m experience!) and I think that’s why I prefer older men.
However... while I think men in their 40s CAN BE incredibly fit, if one of them came on to me I would think it was creepy. In my opinion there’s often an imbalance of power and completely different reference points/life experience. Not bashing individual relationships.
Also older women have a huge amount to offer men in terms of life experience and everything else... not sure why some posters are acting like older women are bitter, the most amazing people I’ve ever worked with are women in their 40s/50s.

Love that I am dull! Far far far from it!

Defending older the rights of older men to be pervy - how delightful.

Always makes me smile though - you will be 45 one day god willing!

I remember being 25 and looking at 45 year olds with horror 😁😁 I would never be that age!

Older is always 15 years older than your current age 😁. I love being older tbh have met fantastic women and we have a brilliant time. If dh ran off or dropped dead (unlikely he is younger) I genuinely wouldn’t want another relationship anyway - my friends feel the same. Why would you?

Well you wouldn't say if you were Ms T would you? 😂

Yes but not for another 17 years.

I think you secretly want your own age gap relationships, you seem to be obsessed with these threads despite them having no relation to your own life!

@catsandlavender good post. I too find men my own age immature (all 5 of the men I dated before fiance were same age, max of 1 year older). They had no art of conversation and just wanted to get drunk on every date. They just had no spark and I got bored of them really quickly.

That said, I would say 7-10 years is a good gap. Our gap is the biggest I would go, and even then stretching it a bit. But I just couldn't pass up on him I knew I would regret it.

@Mostlyhappy4 yes I think there may be some truth in that. I dont really have a relationship with either of my parents, one I havent seen in years and the other lives abroad. It could well be that I am seeking security on some level. Who knows? But we all have entrenched subconscious psychological reasons as to why we chose our partners, so I don't see it as a bad thing.

Nah it mildly bugs me from a feminist perspective but no bearing on my real life genuinely don’t know anyone with an age gap larger than 5 years or so no skin in the game. You on the other hand...

You don't know anyone in an age gap relationship but love to bash them online I rest my case.

I love to bash pervy men - busted.

Had a lot of grim attention in my early twenties from 40 something men. Not interested obviously. Don’t want the same for my two daughters. The weird entitlement some older men have to young women is gross.

Why isn't anyone asking the flip side to this - why are young women attracted to older men?

Yes Ms T, you've said that about 68473 times on MN, it's like a mantra 😂 Irritatingly for you, your daughters have their own lives and once they're adults they will be entitled to date who they like.

Just imagining your face if one of them brought back an older boyfriend 😂

Eww unlikely

Your mantra that older men are oh so sophisticated and far better than younger men is getting old too. Have a great evening!

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Interesting question.

I think mentally I'm quite mature in my outlook.

I've been self sufficient since the age of 18, and as mentioned before have no real relationship with either parent, so have stood on my own two feet since leaving home. Never had anyone to provide parental advice, so took some hard knocks. Had to sort myself out if I encountered a problem.

So yes, I probably was looking for somebody to look after me that I felt 'safe' with. Somebody to lessen my stresses, not add to them.

And men my own age just didnt tick that box. They were immature, terrible communicators and never 'took control' of a situation - it was always up to me where we went for dates, for example. They had no self awareness, if I went to their houses they were often untidy and dirty.

DP by comparison was a breath of fresh air. Paid attention to what I said, didnt 'play it cool' by not replying to messages for days. Very thoughtful, would take me on lovely dates and spoil me. Totally self sufficient, clean, tidy, a good cook! Speaks to me with respect, and about other people with respect - no stupid sexist jokes, for example. I found I relaxed in his company, and left our dates feeling invigorated and happy, not drunk and a bit bored lol.

He is also very handsome, well built and thick black hair which I love - not keen on balding men. Dresses smartly and is very into fitness etc.

So there you have it. The only downside is obviously one day I may end up caring for him, but why wouldn't I want to do that for the man I love? My grandparents are the same age, in their 90s and watching them struggle to care for each other has been heartbreaking.

That's just my story, I do acknowledge not all age gap relationships are like this and you do get creeps.

@MsTSwift

You're obsessed with me 😂I'll tag you in all the threads I join so you dont miss one.

Wolfgirrl you are responding to the other poster then moaning that they are responding to you.

As for your post, we all have preferences
But when those prefences are based on negative experiences and relationships, they can sometime lead us to unhealthy choices that we don't know are unhealthy. Not saying your relationship is unhealthy, but that's what can happen.

If you see happy in your relationship, does it matter what people on the Internet think?

Simple facts are that some older men are good men, proactive, independent etc. So are some young men.

I knew dp when he was 19. He lived alone cooked, cleaned etc. We weren't a couple, though. Both of us married and then bumped into each other after we had both left our marriages.

At 41, dp still cooks and cleans etc. The 5 men you dated will likely be very similar at 40. But not all men in their twenties are like that.

And I know quite a few men who spend their weekends in the village rugby club, drinking while their wives and kids are at home and are generally dicks....in their 40s. My kids play rugby for the local team. One of the coaches got sacked for cocaine use, at the chirstmas party. He was 53

I am not saying your should date someone your own age. Just that your judgement of older men are xyz and younger men xyz, is flawed.

I am sorry, but I was a teen carer I bought my first place at 19. Always been financially independent and mature. But a 25 year old (for example) can be a mature for a 25 year old. But by 40, you will have matured further with different life experiences that it takes years to come across.

Men aren't immature. People are just different and have different priorities. The 'men are just more immature' is just a cop out to justify poor behaviour

@trevsadick

Only posting about my own experience, as are you.

Neither of us are able to say 'ALL older men are like this' or 'ALL younger men are like this'.

A choice is only unhealthy if it has a negative impact upon you, or someone else. Not the case here.

As for Ms T, well she follows me around relationship threads and posts the same twee stuff over and over so 🤷‍♀️ does make me question her motives. I think sometimes irrational hate is just misguided love!

I was 17 when I met my dd's father and he was 29. Obviously at the time I thought I was very mature and grown up but now looking back I see our relationship for what it was, (grooming; I was basically a child, I looked like a child) and my dd, now 16 thinks it's revolting to even think of going out with a 29 year old man. If she ever came home with a guy that age at 17 she'd have to step over my cold dead corpse to go and live with him, which didn't really seem to concern my parents who welcomed this man into our home and allowed me to move out with him within 3 months of meeting him

My bil is 40 and his wife (met on tinder, she got pregnant on their 2nd date) is 24. I'm sorry, but I find it ick. I feel sad when I see her wishing away her youth trying to be so grown up when she should be having her 20's and instead she's raising step kids and paying mortgages. What's worse is how society men pat him on the back for having a much younger wife like it's some sort of prize.

@thenewaveragebear1983

Yes 17 is too young to commit to such a relationship. I look back on my 17 year old self, I was a mess! I was hit on by a 30 year old when I was 19, he was married with kids and quite open about it, I was horrified.

As for your BIL... well, that's my gap, so I cant really comment there. All I can say is there is absolutely no way I would have got involved with DP if he already had kids or an ex wife.

But there is nothing wrong with wanting to settle down in your 20s in my opinion.

There's one in the papers today. 30 year old man, 18 year old girl. Nasty domestic violence case. #not all older men are domestic abusers but, you know, the age gap isn't a coincidence either

If any of my children came home at 17 or 18 with an older lover I would wonder what psychological damage we, his or her parents, had inflicted on them and book them straight into therapy. And tell him/her (lover) to piss right off

(It's usually daddy issues for women, I think we haven't discussed that as it's pretty much a given)

@nohardsell so if I read about a domestic abuse case where they were the same age, can I assume that wasnt a coincidence either?