My husband hugely favours one child over the other

[DarlingMarianne]

I'm divorced, and I remarried a year ago to a man who I have known and dated for 6 years prior to marrying him. We have an amazing connection, and he is a good man, however...

He has quite obviously bonded with my 17 year old daughter in a way that he hasn't with my 14 year old son.

He is very, very sweet, and patient with my daughter, who has him wrapped around her little finger. They have a lovely, relaxed, jokey relationship. However, my 14 year old son just seems to irritate / trigger him. And I don't know why. My son is in many respects the easier child. He's a real peacemaker, isn't moody (yet!), avoids confrontation and rarely reacts to my husband, even when he is being overly hard on my son.

My husband has admitted that he has soft spot for my daughter that he doesn't have with my son. I get really upset / defensive when my husband gets annoyed with my son over something petty, or some non-event. Today, we were going to the beach and my son wanted to take his wet suit. He is fair skinned and has a bit of sunburn from the weekend. He wanted to spend a lot of time in the water at the beach. This seemed to completely trigger my husband and he got really wound up. He told my son he would look stupid for wearing his wetsuit on the beach, and raised his voice to him and then swore under his breath. I heard the swearing but I'm not sure if my son heard. In any event, my son didn't react, but stood his ground, politely, and took (and wore) the wetsuit.

On BH Monday (an equally hot day) we took my daughter to the beach, she wore her wetsuit and there was no comment.

Does anyone else have this sort of inequality in their families? Do you or your partner obviously favour one child? I'm interested to see if it is common or not.

How do you cope / manage it? It's becoming more apparent to me the older the children get and I find it upsetting.

Your poor son.
Why would you allow this?

He is 100% in the wrong and could be causing your son psychological damage by his negative attitude to him. Personally this would,be the end for me. I wouldn't be with someone like that.

Your poor son I'm also taken aback by your last comment "they're old enough to live with their dad, I should imagine my son will live with his dad when he's a bit older". I would be gutted if my children moved out of my home.
Unfortunately by you allowing this abuse towards your son you're damaging your relationship with him also. If you haven't already kicked your husband out it would seem you've already chosen who you're sticking by. No way would I allow any man to treat my children like this- if you can't treat them with nothing but love and respect them you won't be setting a foot in my door. I hope his dad can look after him properly, many women wouldn't allow this to continue.

I'm not with the 'creepy' posts regarding your DD but can see where he had the chance to bond effectively with her.

You need to talk to him about his attitude to your son. I expect it's some kind of territorial thing where he resents your DS because he is another male taking your attention away from him. Obviously not on a conscious level, but maybe some kind of primal level.

So I would look at making them friends by doing activities they will both enjoy and doesn't involve your DD. Fishing, canoeing, football or other sport. Try to get them to bond, as this clearly hasn't happened. Your DH needs to see your son as a friend not a rival.

Your husband favors your daughter. And you favor your husband over your son. Poor kid! Get your priorities sorted quickly. And don't think your son doesn't know about favoritism or that he doesn't seem bothered by it. Stop enabling and start acting. Tell your husband to treat your kids the same, starting right now. Now nonsense over how it started (with your dd being sick). There are explanations but no excuses. You wouldnt have tolerated this behaviour if your DH was the biological father of your kids, so why tolerate this now? Seriously, be a mother and Stand up for your kid as he might never forgive you for it later in his life.