Called the police

[FGTV]

DH gets angry when we don’t have enough sex. We have had many, many arguments about this where I get told “I need to change” and “if I loved him I would want to have sex with him”. I get accused of cheating on him and called a slag, with him bringing up previous partners before we met.
(We do have sex regularly but if it goes more than 4-5 days or I am on my period and don’t pleasure him then he gets angry because he says he’s sexually frustrated)

These arguments are usually him ranting at me at night, where he will switch on all the lights and not let me sleep. He has also previously hidden my car keys so I won’t be able to go to work, only giving them back when I apologise and ultimately have sex with him.

Last night it happened again and he was becoming really threatening, saying he’d set an alarm for 1 hour and if I hadn’t changed then there would be consequences. He told me to text anyone I love while I’ve still got the chance. He was really agitated and his behaviour was worse than I’d ever seen and I got scared and ran out of the house and locked myself in my car and called 999.

He came out to the car and had completely changed, saying he didn’t understand why I was so upset, I knew he would never hurt me, I’ve misunderstood, he’s gutted I called the police, why can’t we talk, etc.

When the police arrived, he was calm and polite. They spoke to me in another room and I told them what happened and they said if I was scared again then to call them straight back and then they left.

Since then it’s all completely normal, he is being Mr nice, keeps saying how he loves me and he’s going to try to speak to someone to sort out his anger and wants us to go to marriage counselling.

I don’t even know where to go from here, will this even get any better? or be like all the other times when it’s fine for a few weeks then back to him ranting at me again. Maybe this is the wake up call?

No one else knows as it’s just too humiliating to admit that i called the police on my own husband, also beginning to question whether it was actually as bad as I thought and maybe I overreacted?

Incidentally you living him has nothing to do with you having sex with him any time he feels like it or doing anything else he wants you to do at the drop of a hat.

*loving

And if he truly loved you (was capable of love) he'd never want you to have sex with him if you didn't truly, enthusiastically want to have it too. That's not love.

husband gets moody and calls me names etc after 1 week. Even acused mr of cheating on him with his dad!!!

Yet you call yourself "HealthyandHappy"

Please women, leave these assholes. Life is so much better on your own bringing up children. I did it. And DS thanks me for it. (adult now).

He s putting everything onto you
You didn't ask him correctly to stop etc.
He is not nice person
He hurts you all the time. But doesnt get how.

Likewise noone who truly loved someone would purposefully deprive them of sleep; which could affect your health, your performance in work, your mood, your driving safety etc.

Nor would they cause you to be late for work, affecting your performance, your stress levels, your reputation, possibly even your job security, and again your driving safety ..... That's a person who actually doesn't give a fuck about the other person and can only see themselves .. their wants, their "needs". He doesn't have a clue about living someone or what love is. I doubt he ever will, I'm.sorry.

You HAVE to take the kids and GO.
Or have him gone. And quickly.

fuck off out his house

Bit you're joint on the mortgage right?

So it isn't his house, and you have just as much right fit him to fuck off. It's your kids home and you're their primary carer (right?) so you have more right to stay.

Given his performance during this argument (and all along- which is coercive control and essentially rape!),bhes the one who would be "accompanied" out by the police and possibly given a non mol order to stay away.

You ould go back to the police either through WA or on your own and report everything that he's done and said .. you've already noted it all down in this thread.

*could

Please take the advice on here. I don't normal comment on these threads as I am not in a relationship but it's the tone of his words that stands out to me. It sounds deliberately menacing.

He said there would be consequences if I didn't change.
I asked him to clarify what he meant by that and he said I would find out.
At some point he told me to text the people I loved while I still had a chance.
He also said if I didn't love him to fuck off out his house and that he would fuck people up.
He said he would drag me into his car
he said I needed to change.

Please look at these words you have posted. And please call th police back and show them this.

xx

Terrifying OP. He threatened you and he said he would 'fuck people up'? That's your kids in the firing line. What if they walk in when he's being like this? What if he uses them for revenge? We've all read the reports on men who did this, where people say afterwards 'he was a really nice guy, can't believe it'. Don't end up in that story.

I can't tell anyone in real life what's happened!!!

@FGTV If/when you leave, you could 'just' say he threatened to kill you.

You've done nothing wrong- if you told someone what he was like it wouldn't reflect badly on you at all.

OP he's aware now that you are liable to call the police if you feel cornered again. That means he will take precautions to make sure you're not able to do that again. Hiding/breaking your phone, locking you in a room - those are minor compared to what else he could do to stop you from getting him in trouble.

I know it's so much easier to chalk it up to a bad reaction and hope for the best - laying down terms and conditions of you staying or having an 'open and honest discussion' - but these are all just platitudes. He WILL attack you again and this time more preparedly.

Please, please leave with your children.

Run. Now.

There is NOTHING to be gained in giving him the benefit of the doubt that he's capable of change. You might think that you're over exaggerating what happened but you are just stating facts, then this is just as serious as people are making it out to be - if not more so!! I'm scared for you!!

Op I'm saying this to you as I've been in your shoes 13 years ago hes nice now as he's had a scare from the police but it'll change trust me men like that never change please please get out now before he does something and trust me it will

This is terrifying. I'm so shocked that the police left him there with you. You need to get your children and take them away, OP. Can you do it tomorrow and just say you're going to the supermarket?

Please call woman's aid. This is not normal. This is abusive and threatening. He lied to the police, and he's gaslighting you about it.

Get help and get out.

And others are right: he's actually hidden your car keys so you couldn't leave or go to work unless you serviced him?

Fucking hell.

He'll be hiding your phone next.

You are actually in danger. You know that, right?

Get rid of him and change the locks, there's something wrong with him. X

He's definitely mad and probably on drugs or something. X

Like everyone has said, get out. He's dangerous.
Long-term, if you are married, you will be entitled to at least half the house, whatever he thinks.You need to lawyer up, quickly. Get legal advice re finances and personal protection.
Meanwhile, keep a spare set of car keys somewhere outside the house, along with a spare phone.
But no, actually leave him now, he sounds dangerous and is threatening to hurt you and others.It's not safe for you and your children to stay.

He did actually ask me if I would have sex with him after the police left and we went to bed. I said no and he was ok with that, but said he wouldn't be able to sleep

Holy fuck, you call the police on him and that’s his response? Jesus Christ, he’s fucking HORRIBLE. Get out, woman, this is not how marriage is supposed to be. You may as well be a blow up doll.

Good lord please just leave with the children.

Shit, please leave, that sounds really dangerous.