Really lovely guy but... I don’t find him attractive

[CheeryCherry]

.. we’ve known each other 18 months but started dating a few months back. Not my usual type but was trying not to be so narrow minded and accept him as he has a great personality and we do get on really well. He has fallen heavily for me - which I suspect he has done with others in the past. He’s now constantly talking about moving in with me, buying furniture for my house, getting married, wants to call me and text me day and night. He does admit to being a little insecure. I try not to commit to future decisions, but he constantly asks direct questions which I struggle to avoid.
I want things to be more relaxed and steadily paced. He thinks at our age (50s) we should grab opportunities while we can.
Plus.... although he is lovely, romantic, thoughtful.... I don’t fancy him. Does that matter??

Bumble read the thread! She's told him it's over, he's turned seriously unhinged stalker on her (suicide threats, hundreds of messages, and the latest gem, a request for her to answer a huge list of questions as to why she's broken up with him).

Misread the first sentence, well that escalated quickly!

Well played, you've seen the light Op

I do feel a sense of relief but still unnerved.
Regarding spotting the signs though - it turned out like this with my exH!!! I’m obviously shite at spotting signs - though I can do it for other people!
I’ll be keeping this 2 metre distancing forever from every other man in the planet from now on

I don’t think you’re bad at spotting signs. You didn’t fancy him. That’s your instinct kicking in there. But I do think you could listen to yourself a bit more. Trust how you feel and acknowledge all those thoughts and feelings that are just below the surface. You weren’t jumping at the chance of him moving in with you after 3 months. And that’s why. Because you knew it/he was wrong on some level

You spotted it within 3 months and during a lockdown. That's pretty good red flag spotting and reacting if you ask me. Yeah, there were signs earlier, me, I'd have shoved him off long before but hey you got rid a fuck of a lot quicker than your exH didn't you? Now he has shown his true colours you will trust your wanker-dar more in future. You are doing great.

Yeah it gets easier! You get better at spotting things and listening to your instincts. And in future you can always double check here :)

Not to say you cant just enjoy some single time though! Think you deserve a quiet life after these two twats.

You wouldn’t have started this thread if you didn’t feel something was up OP. Look back at your first post - all the signs were there and you did see them.

Another one chiming in to say do not answer his email. He will take it as an opening, promise that he can 'fix' all the issues that you identify, and promise that he will be your perfect man from here on in.

The need for housing is strong in this one...

And the line about 'I won't turn up unannounced...' means that it has crossed his mind to do so...

I agree with others. He is thwarted in his plan and not happy about it! The fact that he has mentioned not turning up unannounced would make me think either he has been warned off before by the police (the likilihood of his getting to 50 plus and this being the first time he has pulled this stunt is low) or he is putting you off your guard but will be sitting in his car at the end of your road watching you come and go and to see if you have another man on the horizon. These types can never own that they might be repellent in their personality so don;t take a word of what he says as the truth.

Oh shit, well spotted Cheery! Keep your head well down now.

How are you today OP?

I'm wondering how OP is too. I hope she hasnt waivered

Unhinged people can often act very sweet & lovely because they are trying to hide their crazy & trap you into a relationship with their “nice” act.

Think op works during the day so hopefully just busy and not stuck in his basement somewhere tied to a radiator lol.

Gosh, he sounds "ew" in every way. Weak, selfish, manipulative, would-be cocklodger, suicidal drama queen, with a veiled hint of threats through the weird reassurances and demanding emails. ("I won't come round unnanounced, you can tell the police" etc.).

He is probably clever though. Persuasive, and knows how to show-case his "good qualities" - meanwhile honing in on the OP's vulnerabilities, whatever they may be.

Don't be fooled OP.

Look after yourself. Why not make some nice positive plans for yourself rather than spend time or energy on this weirdo.

Hi everyone! I’m still resolute and feeling much better about it all today. Had no contact yesterday after the email and none today - so far. I know it’s early days.
Honestly so grateful for everyone on here opening my eyes - I’ve read a similar thread on here this week and I can’t believe the things he talked about - where he would propose, where we’d get married, how much he’d pay towards bills, how much he’ll share with me when his frail aunt dies, he’d let me have a dog - he’d chosen names (!), how he’d put me on his car insurance (I have my own car?!)... the list is endless.
He’d also started making comments which unnerved me - and one of the most annoying - but amusing in a way- was to pull me up in leaving the bin lid open in the kitchen He’d picked out a wardrobe he was going to buy from Argos for his clothes.
I could go on and on.
I’d never even analysed his living circumstances- but yes how strange to live in someone’s attic room in your mid 50s when on a decent salary.
All this in retrospect... but you guys highlighted it straight away and I’m grateful for that!

He's "future faking" big time OP. A red flag bigger than the one flying over the Kremlin. And he's talking to you like you're a bloody child. Something seriously wrong with him.

He was slowly wrapping a straightjacket around you wasn't he? He thought he was almost m, almost there, he told dear Dad then you scuppered him. Lucky, LUCKY escape!

was to pull me up in leaving the bin lid open in the kitchen
My kitchen. My bin. I'll do what I like with it thanks very much!!!
Blimey OP. With your latest update he sounds completely deranged!!!

And he'd let you have a dog? What, dog that you could buy with your own money and having living in your own house?

And how, pray, was he going to stop you having a dog if you'd decided you wanted one?

This is hilarious!

Well done, Op. I think you had a narrow escape!

Let you have a dog!! Christ he really is nuts. Like you need his permission. Glad you’re feeling good today.

@CheeryCherry, so where from here? have you blocked? have you responded in any way?

I must confess I replied briefly to his email, said I’d explained everything already and was not going over it again. I wished him well and advised him to get on a dating site