Really lovely guy but... I don’t find him attractive

[CheeryCherry]

.. we’ve known each other 18 months but started dating a few months back. Not my usual type but was trying not to be so narrow minded and accept him as he has a great personality and we do get on really well. He has fallen heavily for me - which I suspect he has done with others in the past. He’s now constantly talking about moving in with me, buying furniture for my house, getting married, wants to call me and text me day and night. He does admit to being a little insecure. I try not to commit to future decisions, but he constantly asks direct questions which I struggle to avoid.
I want things to be more relaxed and steadily paced. He thinks at our age (50s) we should grab opportunities while we can.
Plus.... although he is lovely, romantic, thoughtful.... I don’t fancy him. Does that matter??

I think you should take this opportunity to tell him this is harassment now and you will be blocking him and if he contacts you again, the police will be involved. Seriously just do it now and then get him blocked. Don't let him keep dragging it out. RIP off the plaster. Otherwise you'll never get away.

And I'm sure you're a catch! These sorts often gravitate towards really nice people. Maybe just practice spotting them quicker in the first place so that you know the next one isnt one of his lot again. And date someone you actually fancy of course lol :)

another message ‘I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you’

Well, at least he's right in that ... too bad he's losing his meal ticket, but guess he showed his hand a bit too early eh?

Op I dated a guy last year for 6 weeks. Like you I wasn't sure I was attracted to him. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then red flags started waving in my face and so I ditched him. I was right he was a fruit loop and I had to call the police. Sending long rambling messages saying he didn't understand. Setting up fake social media accounts to spy on me. Posting things about being in love. One day he was suppose to be at work but text to say he saw me outside my dentist that he goes to as well. I had been on 6 dates with the nutter.
Anyway if he continues which I'm sure he will and if you feel like you need to contact the police you need to state to him that under no circumstances do you wish to be contacted anymore. Then if 2 more occasions he contacts you, the police will do something.
Let's hope it doesn't get to that. But men like him are hard to get rid of.
Also suggest freedom programme. Strength your boundries and learn to spot red flags. I used to be in a mentally abusive relationship.

Men like him are very hard to get rid of. I'm worried about OP, I think because it is bringing back my experience. Agree you give an inch of being nice and they will take it. Dont respect boundaries etc. He will be seeing OP as his only chance given his financial position at his age.

Keep all written and audio/visual communications between you OP, in case you need to show the police, if called.

Well done.
Every message he sends will make him that bit more unattractive.

Enjoy your new home, enjoy making it exactly how you want it.
As a long term single person I can say it's far better than being in a mediocre or bad relationship.

Well I’ve woken up to a ton of messages and texts, not opened them yet but can see the latest text ‘completely numb and don’t understand what has happened’ Ugh

Don’t read the messages or texts. Just get on with your day. You don’t need to engage with him any further.

@cheerycherry please don't force you into giving him another chance by feeling sorry for him. You're not responsible for him or his feelings. You've set a clear boundary he should respect that if he were a decent person. He isn't and trying to trample that boundary. Try stay strong and firm with your replies and keep it as blunt as possible. Try not engage in debates with him about your decision.

Sorry should say please don't let him force you

He is being as manipulative as hell OP. Do not meet him and don't get hoovered back in. The reason he wanted to meet is to put the bite on you. If he cared about you he would just be sad but accepting the situation not endlessly texting and messaging, that is bloody horrible of him.
I agree with others, his willfully ignoring your 'slow down' messages with words but not deeds is making it look like he was just after what you have because he has given his away. He's an obnoxious weasel. Don't even message him again - ever. All this 'deserve' bollocks. cheeky bastard

Oh fuck he is saying he is going to end it all today as he can’t cope without me

If you don't find him attractive, that's not being 'narrow minded' .

Not offering him a job because you don't find him attractive would be narrow minded. However, being your lover is not a job.

I hate the way women are expected to be 'open' to men they don't like physically whereas it's perfectly acceptable for a man to say "no thanks" or worse if a woman gives him the ick.

His feelings are not your feelings. It's an 'opportunity' for him because he's attracted to you! It's the opposite of an opportunity for you because he gives you the ick.

If he feels like a friend, be honest and tell him that's what he is to you. You don't owe him anything.

Sorry, didn't rtft. He sounds like a manipulative arse.

You don't fancy him? Then he's a friend, not relationship material.

As for his lovebombing - by his age, he should know better. I'd end it.

@CheeryCherry, please please dont respond to the end it all. He is going to ramp it up. Seen it all before and it's just manipulation. He is a grown man ffs. If he ends it all, it's on him. Oh it is just so boring, he is just following classic script. Yawn.
Dont respond!! if you do other than repeat it's over you will go round in circles. You need to protect yourself. I'm waiting for when he turns up at your house

@CheeryCherry

Oh fuck he is saying he is going to end it all today as he can’t cope without me

I repeat - three months! He managed half a century without you.

OP, I'm curious about how much time you actually spent together over the past 16 odd weeks. Unless you were living together or broke lockdown there can't have been much relationship for him to announce to his father?

From what you report since yesterday it appears you've had a lucky escape.

Threat of suicide today? Call the police to do a welfare check.

Well, now you know for sure that he's the abusive. sort.

He won't end it all. Don't be guilted into seeing him. He's being manipulative.

If you think he's genuinely in danger ring the police, ask them to do a welfare check. But he alone is responsible for his own behaviour. I'd block him.

I agree, call the police, and then feel relieved he’s shown you he’s one of THOSE guys.

What a twat! It doesn't get more manipulative than this OP.

I'm not sure I would call the police to do a welfare check as it would be clear you are still looking at his bullshit texts.

He is behaving like a petulant child!

Oh fuck he is saying he is going to end it all today as he can’t cope without me

Don't engage, call the police and leave them to deal with this...if it's genuine he needs help and they'll get arranged for him, and if it's not, he's just proved multiple PP theories that he's an abusive arsehole.

I wouldn' belive his line about his ex wife either. I suspect she got tired of his bullshit!

@CheeryCherry

Oh fuck he is saying he is going to end it all today as he can’t cope without me

This is such typical abusive behaviour. They always go the ‘I’m going to kill myself without you’ route when their initial begging and pleading doesn’t work.

DO NOT engage. Even when he ramps it up to he’s taken tablets or whatever he says. If you’re genuinely concerned ask for a police welfare check.