Thoughts please..

[Peppercorn2020]

Thoughts please.

Met someone on OLD. He has been open and honest with me, had said he’s changed, grown up and I’m the woman he would like to be with.

His history/ track record - he’s had relationships with single mums with kids as well as single women.
He has cheated.
He has ended relationships and moved around to make a fresh start.
Works in a profession where he gets lots of chance to meet women.
He’s pleasant, helpful, friendly, flirty.
He has had a messy parenting, says he’s worked through it.

I’m a single mum (no ex around), independent and have a career.
Pretty settled in many ways.

Our relationship is less than 10days old, second date he asked me be his girlfriend. We are off the dating sites.
Said he loves me.
He’s keen to meet the kids.
Keen to come over for dinner.
Told me he’s told his family and friends about me.
He says the absolutely the right things.
Lives in rental despite being in a well paid job, have very minimal possession, down to few clothes.
Said he’d like to live a life that fits in a rucksack.

Our dates are socially distancing ones , walks in open areas. The chemistry is strong and nowhere to move forward.

I feel the same, our chemistry is great, I love the job he does, definitely a people person, great standing in the community.

My only concern is this -
Would he break my heart, would he get bored / decide to move again.
Not only breaking my heart but messing up the kids.

How do I make him (and me) take it slow?
I really like him but worry about the commitment issue / future.

I don’t have much experience in dating different types of men..

I don’t want to miss a chance to be happy, adored and loved.
But I need to be extra cautious due my kids.

How can I make sure he is committed?

Oh FGS.

No, if he's telling you he loves you after knowing you for ten days, then he has very much not 'grown up', much less 'changed' - so, look at the man he was before - that slightly lost but loveable rogue picture he's vrey effectively painting for you - and assume that's what you'd be getting.

Your whole post screams that your head is very much turned- you can tell by the slightly proud and flustered way you recount his 'lines' as if they mean something - 'I'm the woman he would like to be with' - I would advise that you keep your feet very firmly on the ground because he just sounds like any run of the mill player tbh.

What would be the signs of a 'grown-up' then - well, first easy one is that any person who is a functional adult probably wouldn't be telling someone they've known 'virtually' for ten days that they love them.

And op, 'he is being honest with me', yes op, he is telling you exactly who he is. What do you think he told all those other women he fucked over? Exactly what he is telling you now!

That they are his saviour, exactly what he has been looking for blah blah blah. Bullshit. Typical narcissist.

And when he does the same to you, he'll turn around and say 'well I told you what I was like'.

He loves you after ten days of limited interaction? And he’s keen to meet your children/insert himself into your home and your life?
He isn’t right, at all, and you should be very wary of him. He sounds immature at best and creepy at worst. Red flags everywhere.

You've seen him twice. He professes to love you already and wants to meet your children? He's had lots of relationships with single mothers? Is it the mothers or the children he's interested in?

I would be very wary.

My thoughts are:
He is bored during lockdown and playing games with you.
He thinks single mums are 'easy targets'.
He is a wannabe cocklodger/abusive.
He lives in cloud cuckoo land and is a bit of a fantasist.
Sorry, but I'd be running a mile. Definitely don't introduce him to your kids!

I take all your points, so many new words to look up.
I'm not desperate enough to fall for the wrong person.

He says he wants to this to be long term, he wants stay over when allowed.
Says all the right things..

Am I naive to think that he means it?

Yes, hopelessly. He doesn't know anything real about you except he wants to have sex and meet your children.

ALARM BELL.

His work persona / reputation is quite contrary to what you are saying.
Definitely a charmer, he's introduced me to one of his colleagues.
He says he's told his friends, family and other workmates about me.

Let me guess op, he is hot? xD

And he makes you feel good about yourself?

The later will change in a heartbeat, the second he thinks he has you. You'll be compared unfavorably to all his exs and nothing you do will ever be good enough. He will make you miserable.

Listen to the posters here op. They know these things from experience.

You have kids too so you really need to exercise more sense. You should have bern running for the hills the second he said the L word two dates in. That's a lunatic right there.

Ridiculous.

OP there are plenty of psycos in upstanding positions in society. Many gravitate towards management roles and volunteering work. Because they like to be seen as great men altogether.

Yeh he's telling them hes found his next victim......

Theyl be rolling their eyes i should imagine. Him telling friends/family is not a positive op, its weird.

Future faking big time. 'Oh all my family know about you, I cant wait to meet your kids'.

.... ...
Shudders.
Skin crawling.

You know nothing about him. Nothing. At the moment he is nothing more than an online avatar. And here you are already thinking about trusting him in your real.life with your children. Why are you so unwise, needy, desperate?

I'd run for the hills. Too much too soon. He's telling you exactly the person he is - believe him.

Why is this not striking you as really odd? I don’t want to sound horrible but don’t be that desperate to be with someone that you’re willing to overlook a festival of red flags at the cost of yourself and your children.

@Bunnymumy yes his role has an spent of volunteering

*Aspect of

Ok so no meeting the kids,

We go for a distancing walk almost every other day, and then on the phone just chatting.

Keep this going as long as it needs to? See if he shows the same level at the end of the lockdown end?

My ex was a paramedic. DBS clearance and working with vulnerable people every day. He was very abusive and I lived in fear if him and controlled by him for far too long. DBS/job means nothing

Had a feeling. One of the worst people I've ever met worked alongside me in cancer support. Everyone thought he was charming...until his mask fell of.

I have a saying: there are two types of ppl who work in charity - The first do it because they want to help people. The second sort do it, because they want to TELL people they help people.

How do I make him (and me) take it slow

You are presumably to some extent in control of your words and actions, even if you're really into the guy. So, act and speak in such a way that takes it slow. If he says anything that isn't sensible then just say 'It's only been X days/weeks.'

The telling you he loves you after 10 days is suspicious and/or not normal. You know his history so he probably charms women and then moves on- or that's a risk.

Lol op I dont think you are listening. This isn't a take it slow and see how it goes situation. It's a run for the hills and block all contact situation.

But I guess when we are young, we sometimes have to learn three things for ourselves. So, dont let him near your kids, dont let him move in and infact - dont even know where live. And obv if u sleep with him, be safe.

*don't let him know where you live

Yes, for the next few months at least.
How old are you/him op?