So upset about this but DH doesn't see the issue

[DJTanner]

I have known I have an onion and garlic intolerance for a few years now. I get lots of horrible symptoms if I eat either of them and over the years the intolerance has got worse. DH doesn't seem to 'get' it and thinks I'm being fussy or awkward. He often says 'oh yeah you don't like onion or garlic do you?' if I check, for example, a menu in a restaurant to see if something is suitable for me to eat.

About a week ago he decided to do a bbq one night and went and bought burgers and sausages for it. He assured me that he'd chosen burgers that had no onion or garlic in and would be fine for me and said he'd checked the ingredients. Just before he cooked I asked to double check the ingredients and he got annoyed with me and said 'I've already TOLD you there's no onion or garlic in them and I double checked before I cooked them and there is no onion or garlic in them'. He also said he'd already put the packaging in the outside bin.

He did the BBQ and, thinking I could trust my husband, I ate a burger. Cue the next day feeling absolutely awful with an upset tummy, aching, tiredness, and other symptoms. I got the packaging out of the bin and saw that the burgers did indeed have onion in them. I told him that I'd checked and that was why I was feeling ill and he was completely un-sorry and didn't really seem bothered at all and just kept saying he'd made a mistake and I should just accept it.

I've now had a week of symptoms and feeling really unwell, including feeling really down as this is also a side effect of the intolerance. He has been totally unsympathetic and if anything seems to think it's funny, even when I've had diarrhoea or stomach cramps.

Would you be upset or am I in the wrong? Like I said, the intolerance affects how I feel mentally for a few days so I feel really down and tearful about it all.

I have various allergies, and I would genuinely leave someone who did this to me. He either didn't care that it would make you ill, or he did it on purpose. Either way, I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone who was so careless about my heath.

instead of faffing about searching through 20 different types of burger and sausage?

^

Or a packet of mince, salt, pepper, splash of bovril? It's that simple, it really is

He has been totally unsympathetic and if anything seems to think it's funny, even when I've had diarrhoea or stomach cramps.

This is deeply worrying.

Oh thank god! I thought I was the only person with this! I'm fed up of people thinking I'm fussy, when I just don't want to feel ill ffs!

I'd be upset with this too OP, I had an ex who did exactly the same - that's why he's now an ex 😡

This is rubbish OP

I don’t know what the solution is but I’d be having serious words and/or leave for a bit to think about how this person feels about me to act like this

He did it on purpose. He thinks it's all in your head or you're exaggerating, and did it on purpose.

Agree. He thinks you are a fussy eater. I'd be furious with him to be honest.

He is a disgusting low life to do that to you - I feel like he almost did it to "test" you with a blind trial - like if you didn't get ill from it, he could be like "HA! it's all in your head - you just don't like them. You're not allergic to them".

I would be fuming. It would be different if he'd bought the burgers without checking properly, you'd forgot to ask and the next day you both found out it had onions in it - as everyone makes mistakes and that is forgivable if it doesn't happen too often but to get irritated at you for even dare ask to double check, and be unapologetic the next day is unforgivable to me. Unless he usually routinely puts meat packaging straight in the outside bin, I'd find that suspicious as well.

Gastric discomfort after eating onions & garlic - this is well established.

Look into FODMAP diet researched by Monash University.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FODMAP

www.monashfodmap.com/

The FODMAP regime is clinically sound & now is a NICE/NHS treatment pathway for IBS.

DH’s Gastroenterologist put him on FODMAP regime & Dieticians at local NHS Trust introduces patients to the changes required for the exclusion phase & how best to test & reintroduce FODMAP foods into everyday eating.

DH’s wellbeing & digestion much improved by changes made, I joined in to support the period of change. I now cook without onions & garlic - it can be done - & have better digestion as well.

M&S do premium type burgers with no O& G. Some HECK sausages are also O&G free.

Have you sat him down and told him directly you feel he doesn’t take your intolerances seriously? Ie he insisted he double checked the ingredients before cooking and you’ve been sick for a week. You’ve felt really awful. It wasn’t a mistake because you asked him several times if he’d checked and he said he had. I’d ask him if he believes you have an intolerance or that you “just don’t like onion and garlic”. My family have never taken my gluten intolerance seriously and it deeply offends me. Making me feel like I’m being intentionally fussy. Luckily my partner always remembers and double checks.
Your husband is being an twat and if he doesn’t adjust his behaviour I’d leave him if I was you

People like him are one of my greatest fears, my eldest DS is seriously allergic to nuts, as in, he has an epipen on him at all times and is anaphylactic, he is very careful to ask but so many people are cavalier about this and will answer "yes, it's fine", when they don't know or haven't checked. I suspect a lot of these people are like this because they think allergies and intolerance are not "real" or anyway exaggerated. It is not just idiotic, but a nasty and dangerous attitude.

To the PP defending the OP's husband, you can fancy something nice to eat and can't be bothered to check, sure, but don't fucking reassure somebody food is fine for them when you have no idea! in my son's case, this could kill him. And yes, if my son ended up marrying somebody like the OP's husband I would advice hum to LTB!

Frankly he's not going to stop so reconsider your marriage. He is clearly a piece of shit. I'd be throwing him out.

Never heard of a food intolerance affecting your mental health. Ultimately you may have to prepare all your food yourself. A colleague of mine has a nut intolerance and this is the only way she ensure she doesn’t end up in A&E.

What's he like the rest of the time OP? Does he normally show zero respect or care towards you?

Is he always this cruel?

You realise that onion and/or garlic is in most foods? I don't think he did it deliberately maybe he just didn't read the labels properly considering most of the time the ingredients are in small print and maybe he fancied something nice to eat instead of faffing about searching through 20 different types of burger and sausage?

Oh really? So "maybe he just didn't read the labels properly" is an acceptable way to behave with someone who has a known allergic reaction that causes pain? Taking care of someone's wellbeing is now "faffing about" is it?

Give your head a wobble.

@DJTanner I have first hand experience of how bad I feel if I eat garlic and how it affects me for several days if I mistakenly eat it. My DH takes the matter so seriously that any restaurant we go to, he rings up in advance to make sure they know I have a serious issue and can cater for me. And he checks all labels although we tend to cook from scratch to be on the safe side, because garlic is in so many foods. But better than, than me be in bad pain for days.

Your DH clearly lacks empathy and doesn't have your best interests at heart. I'm sad for you, it shouldn't be like that. Don't rely on him to look out for you, check everything from now on.

Do you really need someone like that in your life, OP?

I have allergies and my partner is always so careful about any food we eat, even if it's highly highly unlikely to contain those things. He does this because he loves me and cares about me. Your Dh is being a dickhead. It's not fair to dismiss you like that and I'd be fuming that he'd lied about checking the packaging.

This pricks next meal would be getting heavily laced with laxatives, see how he likes it 😡

babyt2020 Sat 23-May-20 05:13:14
This pricks next meal would be getting heavily laced with laxatives, see how he likes it 😡
.........
That.

Probably accidentally bought them and noticed later, hiding packaging in the outside bin so it's harder to check - then hoped you would be ok ( it's just all in your head anyway mentality) -was found out because it's a real issue you have so became ill and is now dismissing responsibilities that it's his fault!

He doesn't believe you. Unfortunately, my 'D'H has the same attitude (I react to dairy and gluten...) and has spent years proposing a cheese sandwich as an idea for a quick lunch, cooking meals with gluten or dairy in them etc....

He is a prick.

I suspect those saying it isn't surprising beause there is garlic/onion everywhere or it's written in small prints are:

• not believing the OP and her intolerances (the 'it's not an allergy, it's all in your head' gang that the OP's DH seems to be part of)
• couldn't be bothered to make the effort to read the labels to ensure their partner isn't in pain (personally I read that as not loving or caring for that person)
• generally have no respect for that person. Because I am sure they would be more careful if the person was vegetarian (and want to be sure that the food is indeed vegetarian - see sweets for example) or if it was for a religious reason. Basically there is an element of choice.

Not normal behaviour at all, OP. How does he treat you otherwise?

He was testing your claims.
Quite a nasty thing to do but I doubt it would happen again. You've proved your case.
You've got a problem if it does happen again.

The other thing is, even if it didn’t make you ill, even if you just disliked onions or garlic why would he buy products For you to eat with them in it anyway? My DP doesn’t like cauliflower so I would never try to sneak cauliflower into his dinner. In your case it’s much more serious because it actually makes to ill. It’s incredibly disrespectful and harmful to you and it is not normal to give people food that will hurt them. It’s very weird behaviour.

Never heard of a food intolerance affecting your mental health.

Neither had I @PrimeroseHillAnnie, until I read www.amazon.co.uk/Gut-inside-story-bodys-under-rated/dp/1922247960/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 which explains the strong link between gut bacteria and mental health. I think she has a TedTalk too if you’re interested.