Do lots of men do this thing my husband does?

[Dudududodu]

I’ll keep this brief.

My husband has sexted people for basically all of our relationship. I have caught him two or three times in the 20odd years of our relationship. Before apps it was chat rooms. I’ve just found out the true(ish) extent of this behaviour spanning the first 15 years of our relationship. He has met at least one that I know of for casual sex and I stayed with him because I believed he had gone temporarily crazy (I was young/naive).

He claims to not know when the last time he did this was. I have proof of 2014, so that best case scenario. He claims to have suddenly grown up since then. He’s now late 30s.

Is this a normal thing that men do when they are young? I’m not okay with it but can’t get away from the boggle that I’m Overreacting (what he claims)

He’s not going to stop overnight, right? I mean, that’s just unrealistic isn’t it. Why suddenly grow up a few years ago for no reason?

(He’s also had three known affairs)

Please reassure me I’m not crazy. I’m in the process of moving out but I’m wavering.

Op, it’s one thing to decide you will stay with a man who cheats on you and has no respect for you or your marriage. That’s your choice.

But for gods sake own it and don’t pretend you think all men cheat. Because they don’t, no more than all women cheat. Simply your husband cheats on you.

You’re in an open relationship and have been from the start, stay if you wish but at least own it, you know it’s not normal.

He's still cheating.
He's just got better at hiding it.

This is who he is, he will never change. He doesn't respect you and never will. He'll probably never be faithful to anyone. Get away from him.

I feel awful for you. You are better than this op!

He has so ground down Your self esteem and made you feel unattractive by his behaviour.
He is not a catch , and I bet you don’t feel you can be yourself around him but have to try and project the way he likes you to be.
I was there in my 20s with a serially cheating man. If he’d told me 2+2=6 I would have seriously considered it, such was his control over me. It took a long time to get over it but eventually I met someone who was not into playing games. The relief was huge. Leave him, he won’t change. Take the initiative and that will make it easier in the long run, rather than waiting for him to dump you.

sexting to you (if you like it of course) - normal,
sexting to others whilst being with you not normal at all.
Not a overreaction, he is knob and perv.

I don’t want to hurt him

Pity he doesn't feel the same way about you.

How do you feel about your children growing up learning to follow this model of male behaviour and female acquiescence?

And not, its not remotely normal, nor is tolerating this behaviour. Its not an open relationship either as open relationships are based on mutual agreement.

No this is not what loving husbands normally do; this is just what cheating knobheads do.

And he is definitely not "a catch." He is a complete sleazebag and you deserve better. Stop wavering and move out.

And if the twat did remarry further down the line, he would treat the new wife with exactly the same contempt as he treats you.

good god. He probably turns on the charm for the others which is why there is allegedly a queue. You now know the truth - he's a filthy cheating skank who will never change. That's no catch.

don't subject yourself and your kids to this a moment longer than you have to. There are plenty of decent men out there. And no, the decent ones don't do this even when they are teenagers.

good luck.

My DH and I got married when he was 27 and I was 29. That was 8 years ago and he's never been through a phase of sexting etc. I have the pattern code to his phone and he has a fingerprint unlock on my phone. I think that's normal. Your DH sounds unpleasant and disrespectful. I think you may be so used to this behaviour that you've normalised it, like the famous boiled frog.

He wouldn’t sleep with any because the one time he did, he couldn’t finish and gated every minute.

LOL
This is what my exH said too.

How I wish I had ended it the first time I found he had used sex chat lines (wayyyyy back in the time of 900 numbers). It is not at all normal. It is actually deviant. Somewhere deep down this man has a huge well of hostility to you and to the family.

Please, please get therapy for yourself and find out why you are allowing misguided pride (the dread that he will be someone else's catch, the feeling that you can't publicly upset the apple cart, and the feeling that you are responsible for his happiness) to get in the way of honouring your own self.

You need to start rebuilding your self esteem.

Go and get a STD test for yourself.

Get rid.

You deserve better than this lying, cheating scumbag. He has no respect for you at all - years and years of lying behind your back. Three affairs that you know of. He has put you at risk of STI's, and his response is you are overreacting.

Why are you wavering? He is not treating you with any respect at all. Respect yourself and move out and love yourself first.

You must leave this vile, cheating man! Don’t waver or look back, just think about how much better your and your children’s lives will be once you have rid yourself of him.

And it is NOT normal.

Fuck me - no, it’s not normal to cheat.

It is not normal to disrespect your spouse but texting.

Out to fuck.

No they really don’t
.
Get a grip sweetheart. 💐

@Dudududodu have a read of this, repeated infidelity is a form of domestic abuse

www.restoredrelationships.org/news/2016/10/14/infidelity-or-domestic-abuse/

If he is this uncaring in this one part of your relationship he will be uncaring. coercive and abusive in other parts of it too. I agree with the previous posters that advised that you need counseling, you have been living in a toxic relationship that will have affected you more than you know. I have been there OP, please take care of yourself and start working to get away from this man before he causes you irreparable harm.

Him tellling you you're over reacting is gaslighting and it's not okay.

I understand the emotional torment you must be going through... but ultimately you deserve better and to have written your OP I think if you're honest you know this behaviour isn't normal. I hope you're okay and have good friend and family you can talk to xx

After 3 affaires and no recourse he’s hardly going to stop there is he? He’s going to keep on doing it because he can. I know it’s a massive cliche but you are worth so much more. Do not put up with someone who doesn’t love and respect you,

Oh good God no. I’d so much rather be alone. I absolutely trust my DH, he’s a kind and decent person and I can’t for a moment see him doing this. Likewise he’d be devastated if I did anything like it. It’s not normal.

Please. Run for the hills.

You could do so much better. On paper and real life are often very different.

I can’t explain but I bet lots of you get it

Nope. Stay if you wish but do not tar all men with the same brush. You are staying because you are a mug, not because you couldn't do better.

You can be so much more than this persons wife. Be brave, and try for the life you deserve.

Jesus, you’ve let him walk all over you, I feel so sorry for you if you can’t see what crap morals he has plus absolutely no respect for you, your relationship and your family unit
It’s as low as a man can get, totally not normal behaviour in a marriage

You KNOW it’s not normal op