His mum is an issue?

[MamaOl]

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

@chinam I haven’t blocked him but I also haven’t replied to what he said

You don’t need to reply.

It’s not like the police will come round and arrest you. You have choices.

@MamaOl you are worth do much more than this guy is willing to give. Maybe look into getting some councilling for yourself. Take care.

Why on Earth are you letting him treat you like this? For the sake of your son and you, forget about him! He's a 42 year old man living with his mother, treating you like shit and you are letting him!

But you just dont reply. Thats it. End of. Stop engaging with him, stop replying. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you. He is hardly a catch, huge age difference and has never committed to a relationship, and still lives with his mother. Just leave it there now and walk away. And block and delete his number. Dont waste another day overthinking this relationship because he certaintly isnt. Put yourself first. This is not a meaningful relationship with this man. He has told you what he thinks you have wanted to hear to reel you in. Like someone else has already said, he is already in a relationship with his mother.

oh boy, @MamaOl you might feel sad and confused but you can do better, you will do better.

If he decides to say that he loves you now, it's a dollar short and a day too late.

Have you heard of Brianna McWilliams, youtuber whose subject is attachment styles. A lot of useful info about why some of us perversely feel more comfortable with somebody who isn't that into us.

Agree with smartiecake

You will feel stronger if you drop the rope now.

I’ve had a lengthy chat with my sister about everything that’s happened and been said today from him, and she’s said everything you guys have on here -

• that he clearly doesn’t care
• he’s immature
• he didn’t follow up the message
• he’s in denial about his age and thinks he’s got loads of time for things
• he’s wrapped up in his mum too much
• I’m better off out of it

I haven’t replied to him and I don’t think I will now either. My feelings have been disregarded and dismissed by his message so there’s nothing else to say!

Good, stick by that.

He's married

You deserve way more than this man can give you. He's emotionally stunted, selfish and is quite happy tied to his mother's apron strings. Any time you give this sorry excuse for a relationship is time wasted that you could be investing in being open to a relationship with someone who can offer you what you want. Although I do think you should do some work on your boundaries and your self esteem before embarking on another relationship. You sound lovely and have a lot to offer the right man. Realise your worth, and set your bar much much higher next time.

Learn from this, op. You need to hold out for a better calibre of man. This guy was well below par.

He could not be any clearer about the fact that he doesn’t not care, he’s literally told you this, and shown you this by his words and actions, repeatedly. Believe him.

You need to block him.

He knows you’ll break down and respond eventually.

I don’t know you (obviously) and even I know you’ll break down and contact him.

Block him because you’re not strong enough to ignore him and you’re not confident enough in your self-worth to really, truly know that you deserve so much better.

Aside from the creepy fact that he’s 42 living with mummy, he’s shown you repeatedly that he doesn’t give a shit about you.

He told you he doesn’t love you and you still stuck around for sneaky FaceTimes when mummy wasn’t listening???

That’s so gross and weird.

I really think you’d benefit from some therapy. A relationship shouldn’t be so important that you’ll put up with literally anything just so you can be in one, no matter how utterly crap it is.

You need to learn that you deserve more. You need to believe that you deserve more.

I think if you’re 100% capable of not texting him or replying to anything else he may send in the future then don’t block him. It will be even more annoying to him than blocking him.

May your next boyfriend be a million times more mature and may he appreciate you.

Thank you @Honeyroar 💛

I sympathise, OP. It's tough saying goodbye to a 'partner' who deep down you still love, even when you know they're a dead loss and completely the wrong person for you.

Each small step makes the next one easier. Take it one day at a time. The future you will look back on this time and she'll thank you, believe me.

How about if you find yourself caving in and wanting to text him, you post here instead?

@MarielVanArkleStinks thank you, I’m not gonna lie that it’s not hard because I can’t just stop loving him like that - so thank you for understanding that. I’ve been keeping myself busy today and haven’t messaged him but now it’s the evening where I’d usually hear from him most, and I’m not doing anything, it’s hard not talking to him. I haven’t messaged him though and trying not to, I don’t think there’s anything to say anyway given what he said this morning! X

He sounds terrified of his mother.

A bit different, but my lodger/friend was being abused by his mother’s girlfriend when he was staying at theirs for a period of time. She took great exception to him speaking on his phone, to women especially, and she broke his phone charger and threw it at his face, leaving nasty bruises where the pins hit him. She also broke his phone later. She used to hit him as a child (he left home at 16) and she felt she could get away with it still. I had to drive down to rescue him because he refused to bloody leave.

I just wondered if he was in a similar situation with his mother? He sounds scared of her, or at least scared to upset her.

It sounds like you’d be well rid of him if he can’t give you what you want.

Well done for staying strong. You can do this, and move on to relationship where the other person actually values you. You have a part to play in this though- you really need to work on your self-esteem. Perhaps some (online) counselling, or investing in some books?

Block him and spend your evenings getting online counselling.
It is worrying what you will put up with for a 'relationship'. He told you plainly he didn't love you. That should have been the end there. Why are you surprised now that he does not care if you break up with him?
You prob haven't even seen him for 2 months due to lockdown.
Please get counselling before your next relationship as you are heading towards abusive relationships with the level of crap you are willing to take.

Block him and take the power back. You are currently desperately waiting for him to send you a heartfelt message - you know it and he knows it. You need to just block him everywhere and not contact him ever again. Honestly, 5/7 months is no time at all and you certainly don't need to spend the rest of your life with someone who sounds truly awful because you don't want to look bad.

There are some great men out there and you are young, with your life ahead of you. If you take everyone's advice you will be looking back at this episode and thanking your lucky stars you did. If you don't take the advice, you will be stuck in this miserable cycle forever, possibly doing everything by yourself for a child or two, playing second fiddle to his mother and accepting whatever crumbs he throws at you.

God, is this still rumbling on?

OP, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t listen to you and he doesn’t respect you.

You’re refusing to block him because deep down you’re looking for a happy ending. Don’t deny it, it’s obvious, otherwise this prick would have been dumped long ago.

There is no happy ending with this man, there’s only hanging around, being strung along and hurt and disrespected, or there’s blocking him and forgetting about him. Those are your choices here.

Block the loser and go spend time with your son. Do you think a mum who’s tying herself in knots over some disrespectful loser who doesn’t care about her willl do your son any good? While you’re worrying and chasing this arsehole your son is not getting the best of you, he doesn’t get a choice about that, you do, so stop chasing fantasy relationships with imaginary knights in shining armour and do the right thing by your son.

“While you’re worrying and chasing this arsehole your son is not getting the best of you,”

That’s hardly fair, and you’ve made a lot of assumptions there. Are single parents not allowed to date for fear of being distracted from their children?

OP you sound nice. I hope you can stay away from this mummy’s boy, he’ll add nothing to your life.

Thanks all for your comments! Since he responded with his last message yesterday morning, I haven’t spoken to him and vice versa. I’ve told everyone it’s over and removed any trace of our relationship. There is nothing for me to say to him anymore and I have accepted it, I actually feel okay!

@AtaMarie thank you honey, I agree too that single parents should be able to date without facing criticism. We are still human, not just parents. X