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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

His mum is an issue?

348 replies

MamaOl · 14/05/2020 09:19

I’m 27 and my boyfriend is 42. We’ve been together officially for 5 months, been in each other’s lives for 7 months. We don’t live together, he lives with his mum and I live with my son in my own place.

I’m really conflicted, his Mum has never met me and she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to however I know no reasons as to why, as she doesn’t know me. My boyfriend can’t FaceTime me in the house, he has to go out to his car to FaceTime me, he doesn’t speak about me to her, he doesn’t love me even though I’ve told him I love him.
I’ve told him how much his actions about “hiding me away” about going out the house etc to call me but he doesn’t care.

Can I just get people's advice on what they think about this? I have my own opinion however I need outside perspective. Thanks x

OP posts:
BertiesLanding · 17/05/2020 11:16

Unless, of course, you are repeating a pattern of rejection that you can't break. In which case you will need therapy to address that.

Candyfloss99 · 17/05/2020 11:16

He’s just responded to my text. He said “you just spoke a load of crap”

And now you block him.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 17/05/2020 11:18

What a total wanker. Please block his number OP.

Arseit · 17/05/2020 11:25

Don’t rise to that message Op, you have the final confirmation of how he really feels about you / your relationship (as if you needed it).
Now, if you are really serious about moving on, do not respond and block him on everything, and delete his number. You do not need him in your life.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 17/05/2020 11:27

Who the hell does he think he is treating you like that. You need to get angry OP. He doesn't get to decide whether you are still a couple or not, that's your decision. You know you deserve much better. He is going to end up a sad and lonely old man with nobody once his dear Mother isn't there any more to pander to him. God, what an utter saddo he is.

Tell him to Fuck right off then block.

SueEllenMishke · 17/05/2020 11:28

Time to block!

Windyatthebeach · 17/05/2020 11:29

Block and delete his number.
He brings nothing positive to your life.
Lonely?
Get a cat.

Emmagen · 17/05/2020 11:38

Oh wow he sucks. Please keep being strong, tell him it's over and block him. You didn't tell him crap, you told him how you feel!

You have a son, imagine your son at 42 would you be happy if he turned out like this guy? I have a son as well and I'd feel like I failed him somehow. I hope we are always close but I hope he will be an independent person able to look after himself.

I wouldn't want this guy in my son's life as a potential step-father figure.

CandyLeBonBon · 17/05/2020 11:41

Ffs just block the idiot.

Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 11:42

@Emmagen Yeah, I told him how I feel, and he said that. That’s really hurt me 😪 I just don’t matter.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 17/05/2020 11:44

Right, that's it now. You've told him how you feel, he isn't listening, he wants to deny your feelings (because only his matter) and tell you that you don't think what you do think, you don't feel what you do feel - basically he's going to try to argue with you that you don't know your own mind (and he's probably going to use the word 'mental' at some point).

Now is when you block him. For that last message, if nothing else (and there is PLENTY else to block him for). He doesn't deserve a reply. He doesn't deserve YOU.

In fact, he doesn't deserve anyone. He's an emotionally stunted mummy-prioritising love sponge. I bet he's got a tiny dick too.

sniffysnuffler · 17/05/2020 11:47

Ok I read the OP and thought 'whatever it is, it's bad'. Skipped to the last page. Don't know what's happened in between but I do know that this man is going to bring you nothing but stress. As others have said: run.

harriethoyle · 17/05/2020 11:48

Ugh. Block him. It's definitely him not you! He's not worth the headspace...

0DETTE · 17/05/2020 11:48

I’m sorry you are so upset. But you know you need to block him.

He’s never going to agree with your reasons for ending it. He doesn’t have the ability or the willingness to see things from your point of view, you are wasting your time trying to get him to understand.

Please consider carefully the questions that @AttilaTheMeerkat asked you. Then go for some counselling before you even think about dating again.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 17/05/2020 11:51

You don’t owe this horrible man anything.

Block and delete.

And then read up on ‘negging’.

SunshineDays2019 · 17/05/2020 11:56

Of you won't do it for you, you owe it to your son to remove this loser from your lives. Please!

LannieDuck · 17/05/2020 11:58

I agree with the others - you don't need to continue engaging in back-and-forth with him. It'll go nowhere and just upset you more. Block him.

Raaaa · 17/05/2020 12:06

It seems odd he has to go in the car, surely he has his own room and he's 42 Confused

Maybe his mum has separation issues and sees the other women as her losing her son I have no clue.

Or it's the opposite and she thinks he's gunna fuck up again

Windmillwhirl · 17/05/2020 12:06

He knows your reasons are valid but will never acknowledge them.

The concern is your fear of being alone because you are going to continue to put up with this sort of loser. Until you build up your self worth and are happy on your own you are going to fall for the types of men other women would run a mile from.

Cam you afford some therapy?

Sunbird24 · 17/05/2020 12:10

You only don’t matter to HIM, and he’s an idiot so his opinion really shouldn’t be that important.
I’m sure there are a lot of people that really do care about you, but the most important of those should be you. Don’t let yourself accept behaviour like this just for the sake of being in a relationship - it’s worse for your self-esteem than being single...

Apple1029 · 17/05/2020 12:11

I have to wonder what is wrong with you that you would accept such a situation??

BemidjiMinnesota · 17/05/2020 12:23

Please block him. Don't get drawn into a long conversation with him where you try to find the exact combination of words that will magically get through to him and make him suddenly feel emotions. It's never going to happen; he's a 42 year old manbaby who lives with his overbearing mum.

Please get therapy, and read some self help books about increasing self esteem and self worth. You seem like a lovely, caring person but you tolerate too much bad treatment from men and this means you'll end up with dickheads taking advantage of you again and again. You need to love your boyfriends less and love yourself more.

ohlookthisisjustdaftnow · 17/05/2020 12:30

Wow, he's horrible. You sound lovely and absolutely do not deserve to be treated like that. The only response to his message is:

"Consider yourself dumped."

Then just block him.

Original poster
MamaOl · 17/05/2020 12:35

Thanks everybody for your lovely messages and supportiveness towards me, it’s really appreciated x

OP posts:
chinam · 17/05/2020 12:42

Have you blocked him yet? Seriously if your "relationship" is this shit at only 7 months you need to cut him out of your life.