Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@JeSuisPrest lucky you 😂

@Bunkbedpeople that's a good point about all the weirdos being the most active. OK, I will give pof a try and hopefully it doesn't break me.

@Dancerinthemoonlight are you sure about him? he sounds a bit of a nutter. Has he got redeeming qualities in conversation?

@CheesecakeAddict I have just re-read through our messages, no redeeming qualities. Never realised how much he messaged. It's like he is waiting for me to come online then a minute or 2 later I get a hello message. Then if I don't answer I get at least one more message. Think this one is going in the bin along with the others.

I'm trying not to be picky and swipe right more but it's really not doing it for me. The chats I do have seem to be going no where quickly. Mr right is out there I just need to weed out the pen pals, time wasters and nutters first.

@Dancerinthemoonlight that's what I'm doing too (and I think our last big irons ended about the same time right? So it's still very early days with everyone at the moment) but be picky because otherwise you will just end up unhappy and you deserve way more than that

I agree, it's too easy to settle and make do, I'm not willing to do that.

Bin the bad ones quickly.

@CheesecakeAddict they ended about a week or so apart. I have a list of things I'm not willing to compromise on like height, being a non smoker, not wanting casual or fwb.

Some of these men are just meh. I know I have larger than average boobs but I don't want a man to point it out and think that 'you have big tits' or 'your tits are huge, what size are they' is an appropriate compliment or question to ask

I am in a really weird mood this week
I have no motivation (for anything) and although Mr Return is really putting in the effort I’m finding everything hard work to keep going. I really hope I am not hitting depression again

This does seem to be a particularly tough week, motivation wise.

Mr rough diamond has been nothing but lovely and I adore him but I just don't have the energy this week. Not for him. Not for my mum. Not for my kids. Not even for myself.

I'm also really struggling this week. AF has also made an appearance too so that explains lot. But in general, my mood has been getting lower. I struggle with eating too and today hit the binge stage so I think it's just going to get worse from here because I know I'll hit extreme dieting and exercise from tomorrow onwards. My therapist finally has sessions available for me so 🤞🤞.

It does feel like a “slog week” doesn’t it

Low energy, bad economy, everything in limbo....no prospect of a weekend or a night away....

OK, this is it. I'm officially single and looking to date.

Help!!!

On POF and it's a bit overwhelming, the number of messages? I'm choosing on basis of height and an initial does he look attractive, but you could spend all day replying to messages. Any quick fire ways of narrowing it down?, useful questions to ask to work out whether to invest the time?

Welcome daisyy

I used pof a bit last year.

I think the main thing is chat online for a bit, chat on phone, then look to arrange a brief meet quickly to see if there is any chemistry

I’m not sure if it’s just the age range I am (30’s-40’s) or if I didn’t have enough time there, but I found quite a few fantasists there - age, job, etc.

Hard to say how to screen out without seeming paranoid really - I did the usual googling which caught some out.

Yes, I'm speaking to a few so will try that approach.

Ok, so spoken to Mr Music everyday. Even when he's working he finds a few seconds to message, so that's nice.

I'm enjoying it and just trying to be cool.

Another nice guy at today's coffee date but no immediate spark

I'm doing a video call with Mr Tea tonight. If been reflecting how much in common Mr Music and Mr Tea have 😁 guess I have a type after all.

Congrats on becoming single @Oopsiedaisyy I would highly recommend hiding your profile and perusing search results at your leisure

I am having much better luck on match, would recommend paying.

Touch wood 😅

I'm on match too, but getting few people on there I want to chat to?

Welcom daisyy I agree with misty on hiding pof profile. It’s crazy otherwise and I initially deleted all the unwanted messages but in hindsight I wish I’d blocked as some came back with quite aggressive messages about me not replying.

bunkbed would you ask for their full name before meeting and google them or do you image search their profile pic?

Mr Tall has asked for a SD coffee date which I’m quite happy about.

Actually not Mr Tall (he turned out to be the moaner - had high hopes for him but I’ve now deleted).

It’s Mr Cool 😎

So far on my pof venture, I've had lots of messages from men in their late 40 to early 50s messaging me. I'm in my 20s.

Ihavenicelegs I don’t ask for their full name as I certainly wouldn’t do mine if asked before meeting in person.

I think for checking up on people sometimes the best thing is to just communicate normally in a chilled out fashion

(but privately register any anomalies and discrepancies in what they say?).

if you google given first name, a few job details, location, phone number....you’ll probably find something? Or get a second name.

It’s not really the “nicest” thing to do and I’m not 100% comfortable doing it. But as a single woman meeting a stranger I’m vulnerable so I’m going to do what I can.

I mean sure we’re all entitled to post more flattering photos, or not mention our hobbies include binge eating crisps, but there are some predators/weirdos out there for sure!

I’ve (reasonably recently) caught out two married guys, and a 15 years older guy before meeting.

Oh, and the consultant doctor seconded to the civil service who was actually a healthcare advisor working on people’s benefit claims

Oh. More importantly. I blocked someone on pof as he was just too pushy (though he looked good in his photos).

I googled his name afterwards and he’d been cautioned for stalking a woman (ex partner)

Also, he was a salesman who moonlighted as a DJ not a “professional technical job he claimed he had”.

There are some genuine people too of course!

bunkbed that sounds fair enough and you’re absolutely right regarding the vulnerability of being a woman. I had a conversation with a male friend recently about how many routine decisions a woman makes that need to factor in the “will I be safe?” Question which guys almost never consider.

(I sold something on eBay the other day and got a male neighbour to come round to the garden to “be there.”)

That rubbish about the married guys and terrible about the stalker. It’s true as pp have mentioned that weirdos have a lot of time on their hands right now.

I’d say “stay safe out there” but that’s probably showing my age 🤣🤣 (Hill Street Blues for you young things) great them tune though x

So after having my bubble well and truly burst by Mr Irish (my Match iron who gave spectacular banter for a month and then said he didn't want to be friends anymore before we had even met ) I have plucked up the courage to message a couple of others that have popped up. I am chatting with one, Mr Nice. He is great, looks good in pix and secure job etc etc. BUT he just seems too nice! Haha. That's terrible isn't it. I so miss the edgy, sarcastic chat of Mr Irish. That felt buzzy but this feels a bit grey... maybe things will improve? It started well but now he's a bit overly keen and seems to have too much time on his hands. Probably (and ironically) exactly how I appeared to Mr Irish. There must be a man in the middle somewhere!!

@CheesecakeAddict I find that. Men far older than I'd consider dating messaging me. I'm also in my 20s.

Oh god, mumto I think we’ve all been there! Makes you think doesn’t it?

However, with regards Mr Nice... could you turn the conversation so it’s a bit more playful/sarcastic and see how that goes?

Such a cliché but dating needs a bit of intrigue. Is he being polite or needy?