Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@TwinkleInYourEye, the 50 cut off point seems to be a common issue for both men and women. My male friend noticed a dip in responses when he hit 50 and I noticed a change too. I would say in your case saying 49 instead of 50 might be worth a shot, you can always fudge it if comes up in conversation. I don't bother as I am now 53. I'm not really interested in significantly younger guys.

@TwinkleInYourEye thanks I’ll do that and stay off tinder!
Re the 49 v 50 I think that’s an acceptable fudge esp given the experience of other users. I’m 46 and I have my range as 42 to 49 - I’ve had loads of messages from the younger end of that age range and with the exception of the 30 year old looking for a mom! They don’t seem at all phased by my age or want younger women.

@TwinkleInYourEye I look a bit above (54) and a bit below. (44) my age (49). The specific age within that range doesn't matter - it's the overall profile that will make me get in touch. I have no cut off at 50. Considering the few I've dated, a couple were older at 51 and a couple younger at 46 and 48, but that's looking back to when I was 47/48.

Morning all am long term lurker! I’ve been chatting to someone since lockdown and we are finally meeting up! It’s been over a year since I had a date and am so mixed part excited part already resigned to disaster as all previous dates have not been a success

@priddypuddycat, don’t be resigned to disaster. It May very well work out! Good luck and let us know how it went !

Meeting an iron I’ve been chatting with for a month now. He’s been very consistent, he’s admitted he fudged his age, sounds very lovely and seems to be geniuely interested in my work etc, I truly hope there is a spark, would be such a shame if there wasn’t..

Morning guys,

I finally took the plunge and joined match last night after 7 months on the free sites. Within 10 mins I got chatting to a new iron Mr Shift and we have agreed to meet tomorrow for a walk.

He lives a long way away but meeting in the middle ish. Not over excited but just glad to be getting out and meeting people. It seems others just want to chat and not meet, tired of penpals.

Met Mr Hair for date 3 yesterday. He is shorter than me and made me feel too tall.
But we sat and had a picnic and a good chat for a couple of hours. I like him so long as I don't have to stand next to him. Which makes me feel really shallow.

I also discovered that he had Covid back in March. And he made a comment about how he wasn't infectious any more so I couldn't catch anything from him. And he couldn't catch anything from me.
He didn't push it but I wondered whether he was suggesting that we didn't need to keep our distance.
Especially as this is supposed to be fwb, not friends with picnics.

What height is he, @EchoElephant? I guess if you only want a fwb from him, it's not necessarily a big deal.

Thanks for your help on my age, everyone x

@bangheadhere40 I might join match too.. will see how things go with my remaining potential Mr Cool. He seems pretty normal, has (or had pre-lockdown) an active life and is quite funny.
Might suggest a call if he doesn’t but don’t want to seem too keen as that’s when it seems to go south for me

His profile says 5ft 8. But I'm just over 5ft 7 and I was very definitely taller, even with flats on.
Although it's fwb, we both want to go out and doing things like meals, cinema etc together (when we're finally allowed). So I guess I won't be wearing heels.
And as my friends have pointed out - height doesn't matter if you're lying down.

His profile also says he's 51 but he's 55. I don't have a problem with that.
I've used to put myself as 49 instead of 50/51
Now I just use 52 because I'm not interested in someone aged 49/50+ who can't accept that a woman might be older than him.

Saying that I can't login to match today, think the server is down, frustrating

Yep, lying down means you won't be thinking about his height because hopefully he'll make up for it in more important ways... If you fancy him, that sounds great.

God, sorry that sounded very 'Carry on...'

What is pof like, I'm hearing very mixed things about it?

I've heard all the same height when you're lying down stuff but... I just can't do it. I'm tall and I can cope with same height just about, but not shorter. @ZoZoBo I don't think I am cut out for this! But what is the alternative?!

@CheesecakeAddict I'm on pof only at the moment and it has it's advantages: more info on the profile about kids etc, ability to hide your own profile and message ones you like (which is what I do), and disadvantages: there seem to be more sleazes, in my area at least, or maybe it's just more obvious because they have to give more info? I think they're all much of a muchness though

@CheesecakeAddict. I got a lot of ‘hi sexy’ messages, which I’m clearly not! Loads of men from miles away who didn’t mind traveling 😂.
I came off for a while and went back on it, same shit messages from the same shit men, who clearly just message anyone
I’ve had more luck on tinder personally

I'm so lucky I don't even have to go on the Apps anymore. Just had a private message to my mumsnet account telling me to email "largewun" - I won't be disappointed apparently.... Please tell me I'm speshul and I'm the only one who got it .. I'm so blessed 😂

@CheesecakeAddict

Worth having a go at pof, like pps say there’s a lot of weirdos but then again it’s free and of course you just need to meet one (or a few) people to make it worth it?

I think you sort of see all the weirdos in their full glory straight away, as they don’t need a mutual match to send a message so your inbox will be full of crimewatch mugshots most of the time

My theory is the weirdos/catfishes/desperate types will always be the most active people online as they rarely/can’t get to the stage where they meet someone to focus on IRL so they will live on the sites, send the most messages etc.

It’s like the vast majority of men who would approach women on the street would be odd or desperate.

@JeSuisPrest
What makes you so special to get a message from largewun....I feel left out

@JeSuisPrest that’s not fair you just have to sit and wait for the approaches from all quarters

@sortingitout Maybe my posts make me look particularly desperate for a large one... 😳😂

I have a potential iron who I will call Mr Needy. I have just had to send him a polite but firm message along the lines of - just because I'm not working at the moment doesn't mean that I don't have plans/things that need to me done. How about a phone call this evening and arranging a date for next week.

I had to do this because he just thinks I'm free at the drop of a hat. He is at home bored today so messaged me this morning 3 times to see if I was free to meet him today. I didn't respond after the first message because I have appointments today. I'm not here just to entertain him.

He might have got the message because as I'm trying it out I just received ' oh sorry was I disturbing' and 'ok no problem call me when you can'. I can hope he has got the message but I'm not entirely sure