Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@CheesecakeAddict here's a virtual hug. Maybe I should be glad I don't get any replies! could you ask for selfies on the pre vid chat?

I've just counted up and, in just over a week, I've sent 15 messages. 12 didn't reply, one petered out, one is sending one line replies when he clearly doesn't have any other options, and one turned into Mr twat ghost. I give up!

Right, OK new rule for me. My intuition must be telling me things. I'm going to go with my gut and it's telling me to cancel dates, then it just means I haven't found the right person. I am going to cancel the date with Mr French because he just bores me in conversation and I'm not wasting a few hours of my precious day off if there is no spark. Mr Sombrero I will keep chatting to and see if it develops, but if by Friday I still feel like I do, I'm unmatching.

@misty9 I know OLD is a numbers game, but don't focus on quantity but quality. I have about 53 matched so far and I massively cut down on Sunday too. Then loads that I've started conversations with. I might have a large number, but those conversations end up no where. They either end up catfishing or just boring. Those are the men I attract.

Fantasists online dating are really annoying

there was a ghastly period last year when I had a string of:

• Age liars. No “everyone says I look 15 years younger” doesn’t mean you do.
• Job liars. Guys who worked in call centre roles or temp support roles for big companies claiming they had completely different professional, senior jobs within the same organisation It’s like me claiming as I’ve worked as an nhs receptionist I’m actually a qualified doctor?

I think that’s when I started the “phone step before meeting” as its a lot easier to work out the fantasists then.

It’s disheartening but I think it happens to everyone - it’s getting that balance between being too paranoid and trying to check them out?

It’s like some guys I’ve been in contact with are clearly trying to access my social media/work info before we meet to “check up on me” and it’s like “nah”.

I just had a video call with Mr Unexpected. He did call normally first to see if I would like one. He looks better than his pictures but he really likes the sound of his own voice. I normally don't interrupt people when they are talking but I felt I had to several times to actually be able to say anything. We mostly stayed away from the topic of politics but he kept steering the conversation that way anyway. I think its just going to be a friend thing anyway as he isn't seeing anyone until lockdown is completely over. You don't even want to get him started on whats wrong with lockdown and what he would do instead. I feel like he isnt letting me have an opinion and is just telling me no, this is the correct thing and it's only that way. If that makes sense.

Mr Motorbike forgot about our call last night apparently. Not sure if that's true or not but will see again this week if he is up for one. If not then he will be going in the bin.

More chats happening on WhatsApp and the dating apps but haven't names any potential irons. Will update when I do.

I was a late bloomer when it comes to sex (I was 25) and since then this is the longest I have gone without. Pondering the idea of maybe getting a toy to see me through.

If someone forgets a scheduled chat I'd be binning them now! And I'd highly recommend a toy. Makes a man almost redundant (no offence intended to the males on this thread).

@CheesecakeAddict sadly there is neither quality or quantity! 😂

Dancer sounds like a typical online dating selection, you’re sorting through the chaff right now!

It’s good that you’re screening/chatting before meeting as it’s such a waste of time if you travel to meet and it’s awkward face to face....

Evening all. Just checking in to say hi through a bout of divorce-related insomnia. How is everybody? Any sanity or liver function left?

Just wondering about these social distancing dates people are having (as I can't sleep and am pondering the future of dating).....

How do you leave things/say goodbye - is it an awkward wave or something even if you want to jump them?

Loo breaks - I don't quite mind the idea of long walks etc but what about the fact that the loos are all closed!? Would you not drink a thing?

Weird thoughts.

You both sport a black mask topped off with a tricorn and a long frock coat. You leave things by jumping on your horses and galloping off into the night

And if you need a pee ...

So I had a really impromptu meet/date with Mr Music last night and oh my I'm going to have to reign myself in. Feel a bit hooked. He's hot and funny and charming.
I feel a little bad as we didn't distance but the kissing was out of this world.
We talked loads and he's an amazing character.
Our schedules are both crazy busy so this is going to be interesting but sod it we are going to try.

I've told myself I will keep chatting with others, just until I'm sure Mr Music and I have something continuing. I'm going to have to cull a few though.

And @Dancerinthemoonlight yes get a toy!

@cravingthelook I'm glad you had a lovely time!

@Eesha

We went to a park for 3 hours
Didn’t drink too much
Then air hi fived goodbye 😂

cravingthelook that sounds great. Have you arranged another date?

Eesha I found the socially distant dates to be quite awkward, especially at the end. But not much different to ending a date where you know you don't want to see them again.
Mine haven't lasted long enough to need a loo break, fortunately

But I'm meeting Mr Hair for date 3 this evening and we are having a picnic. So I will be careful about how much I drink.
He is really, really keen. I'm a bit meh about him. He's funny and interesting to talk to but too short and skinny for me.
I'm trying to tell myself that personality is more important.

cravingthelook sounds like you had a brilliant time. It's great when you just click. And if he maintains the effort when he is busy that's a good sign too

@HairyArsedMan

Nothing from the two I messaged late last night and what's worse is I can see they look at my profile and then don't reply 😭😂 ah well.

@EchoElephant if you're not feeling it already...?

I agree, you have to feel it @ EchoElephant and if he's not the right fit then maybe give it up. I have to say, though, the bloke I was seeing a few years ago, I didn't find him physically attractive in person when I first met him but we had got on so well on the phone before our first date, I wanted to give things a try. However, he was so witty and we just clicked. By date three I was swooning and fancied the pants off him. Honestly, I've never enjoyed sex so much - he was sexy and captivating. Here's hoping you feel like this after your picnic .

I'm chuckling at the thought of galloping off at the end of a date, @HairyArsedMan. The romance and sheer 'Wuthering Heights'--ness of that is very appealing.

Misty9 First date was great. We walked and talked and had a laugh. I think I was too busy making sure I didn't bump into anything or get too close, so I didn't really pay attention to his height.

Second date was good but when he walked away, I thought "he's a bit too short and skinny".
And now he's seems over keen which is putting me off.
It's supposed to just be fwb. And he ticks 90% of my boxes. But no chance of trying the benefits for a long time.
I'll see how I feel after this evening. I don't have any other irons to keep me distracted.

Hi all - quick check in from me, don't know if you remember but I was falling for Mr Beard quite heavily before lockdown, some spectacular sex which was the first I have had in years, then began getting anxious that he was less invested than me due to his lovebombing and seduction/attentiveness fading out, leaving me to lead on messaging. Anyway, finally got the courage to ask where I stood and found out I was basically just a shag, despite the fact we messaged daily and he used me as a shoulder to cry on for all his (many, many) issues and to me that felt like a relationship. He didn't phrase it like that but I knew. He was the archetypal Mr Unavailable and I was the Fallback Girl. Also found out that rather than being the innocent party in the divorce, thrown out by a randomly capricious and alcoholic wife, he had actually brought it on himself by shagging someone from work the same age as his eldest daughter when their youngest daughter was desperately ill. So there you go. I am an idoit and should not be allowed to date. Broken hearted

@UtterSocks Sorry to hear that. Don’t take it on yourself. You’re no idiot, you’ve reached for something in an open hearted way. That’s courageous and means you should totally be allowed to date. He’s the one with the issues, and from what you’ve written you’ve very little actual decent man to grieve for here, more the potential in yourself that you saw for a great relationship. You still have that

Uttersox sorry to hear you're still hurting. You know you can get in touch any time.

I am trying really hard to stay eyes open in this relationship but if someone wants to fool you then they will and that's on them, not you. I hope you can find a way past this dickhead, hopefully being able to get beasted by your PT is helping x

Oh and then he dumped the gold digging co worker he was having the affair with because she had a child and he couldn't be arsed .... and that isn't to mention the numerous shagging holidays to Ibiza, the younger female 'friends' ... but he didn't feel he should feel guilty for his mistakes or be made a Pariah. Just as he doesn't care about hurting me. I am SUCH a poor judge of character.

@UtterSocks I'm so sorry 🙁

It's an impossible balance when getting to know and dating someone to relax and enjoy someone whilst also being guarded and looking out for red flags 🤷🏻‍♀️