Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@themuminator I'm not sure in what dating situation I'd even need to say hubris?!

I wouldn't rule out men who didn't go to uni, the same as I wouldn't assume that a degree confers any decency or common sense, but I've had men say they're intimidated by my educational background in the past and as you can use it to filter on pof I wondered if it was worth it.

Vaguely intelligent vibe is almost none of the profiles I see @Bunkbedpeople!! I live in a quite a cut off part of the country which doesn't help. I'm pondering tinder again but haven't had much luck in the past. There's got to be a better way than all this?!

@themuminator, I am bigger than you and not overly tall. I lost quite a bit of weight last year but spent a lot of time worrying about what men might think of me physically. I have a couple of full length shots on my profile because I felt it was easier to make sure they knew my dimensions.Without sounding conceited I have never struggled to get attention, even at my heaviest. Physical attraction is entirely subjective. It won't be an issue with the right person.

@Misty9 like you, I'm really not bothered about qualifications etc. I'd just like to meet nice people who aren't arses!!

@Onesmallstep67 I just have to find a full length shot I actually like of myself. Thank you for the vote of confidence though, it really helps. And as you say, attraction is totally subjective. I need to be able to be myself with whoever I date.

Misty that’s a shame about location. Are you tied to where you live?

I didn’t specifically move to where I live for dating reasons but the fact that there’s constantly that “big city” turnover of people is great. I sometimes feel the pull towards quiet green spaces .

But as a thirty something single woman having a few universities, loads of big employers, lots of other commuter towns nearby means there’s always new diverse faces.

Hub-rice ?
Hu-brie ?
Hu-breeze ?
Hub-riz ?

I did have education on my profile but once received a carefully argued message on how we were meant to be on account of our intellectual equivalence. I know we all have preferences but that to me, as a well educated inverted snob, rubbed me up the wrong way.

@shitwithsugaron That all sounds pretty splendid. Chuffed for you

Hoo-bris

(Often referred to in case of Agamemnon’s sense of arrogance in coming back from sacking Troy and walking on ....was it red carpets.....which are only reserved for the gods? Before being murdered by his wife Clytaemnestra setting off the events of the Oresteia trilogy)

Thing is I do know a lot of that useless middle class shit (or maybe nerdy stuff 😂).

But I don’t think it’s the be-all and end-all of compatibility.

I mean it’s quite “niche” in a lot of ways.

I think the kind of bloke who tries to insist they’re an “intellectual type” on online dating probably is more Toby Young lookalike argumentative pub quiz bore type than anyone genuinely successful and intelligent.

@shitwithsugaron glad to hear it and fingers crossed for you the grin stays in place

I'm fine thank you, nothing particularly to update. I am still in contact with MissH just as friends and she's been round a couple of times for drinks in the garden in the last week or so, but that's all.

@Bunkbedpeople yep, completely tied with dc and whole life really. Ah well. Single life for the foreseeable!

And for those worrying about weight, I'm size 10 and tall and get very little interest, so being slimmer doesn't necessarily make any difference! I hate that online dating is so focused on looks - I take a terrible selfie and can't tell just from a photo of someone whether I like them

I do go for educated but wouldn't automatically rule out someone who wasn't if their profile looked interesting. Like was the case with Mr Politics, I live in a very rural part of the North West and reverse snobbery is rife. I've had several conversations end on tinder because the other guy thinks I'm "too posh" (I'm really not - a year ago I was properly homeless). I've gathered from speaking to some men (and I know it's not all) they seem a bit put off that I am doing a masters or that I am quite career focused. I've found those in higher-end careers (again, not always) have a much bigger understanding of my work pressures and the hours I have to put in past what I get paid for.

So we now have Mr Sombrero who is very chatty and seems like a nice guy, but I have a feeling he will turn into more of a pen pal.

Now we also have Mr French who is not at all what I'd call my type and I'm a bit nervous that he's older than he says he is or if he is just unlucky in the hair department 😳. But he seems really sweet and is fun to talk to and wants to meet up for a SD walk so I think I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Lovely news @shitwithsugaron !!

Normal chat with Mr R today thankfully
I am feeling super bloated and gross today so have done basically nothing 😂

I feel like all my chats have gone off the boil today. I have been busy doing DIY so didn't respond to many over the day but have this evening. I keep wondering if I should bite the bullet and pay for a month or so of tinder and bumble or wait until lockdown eases up a bit more as some are still hesitant to meet because of it. The 1 mile trick doesn't seem to working anymore.
Glad to hear your date went really well @menora

It's like we are all super busy on this chat.

I had a walk on the beach with Mr nice and funny today - lovely guy but I just don't think I fancy him, even if he is clearly keen on me.

Chatting to a Mr Music and oh my he gets me a little giddy so I'm hoping I meet him soon

Hello! Please can I join? I've been on MN for years but have name changed because I don't want to hurt my (recent) ex man as he knows I come on here. I am quite newly single after - most recently - a 2 1/2 year relationship. Beginning to wonder if it's not them but me 😬.

Anyhow, I haven't started dating again yet but have kind of watched this thread from afar and I wanted to join in as I need all the bloody help I can get!

I haven't properly joined any OLD sites yet but I have just put up a very brief profile (with no photos) on Match and POF and so far I've been 'looked at' by a man with a canary on his face and a man who is looking for a 'sexy laydee to join him and his wifein some fun'. Hmmmm, it's not looking great 😂.

I'm fifty and do wonder if I will ever meet a man who I really click with. I am an upbeat, optimistic person with happy kids and bloody brilliant friends so I think I will do OLD but try not to take it too seriously. I do question though whether I am actually too late, realistically at 50. Can I ask your view? I'm pretty lively and fun (don't mean to sound conceited, I've got plenty of faults as well!) But I do struggle to meet a man who I fancy that also have a real laugh with. Anyway, yikes, I'm rambling now! Is the reality that I'm going to have to date a 78 year old with a dodgy hip?

Welcome @twinkleinyoureye. Read the rules on the OP and welcome to the wonderful world of online dating 😂.
When I got started I tried out a few different sites and then I found the one that I preferred and kept to that. So that could be an idea? It is a numbers game

@cravingthelook what do you think your next move will be with Mr nice and funny then? I worry that that will be what it will be like with Mr French.

@TwinkleInYourEye There’s loads of hope, and you sound great, but if you have a profile with no pics and little information you’re going to be overlooked I’m afraid. You’ve got to be in it to win it

Thank you, Cheese and Hairy (that is one very visual username...). I def agree - I'm only going in gnito on the sites initially to get my bearings. I have actually done OLD before for few years. Even recgnised a lot of the men on there , which was a bit depressing (there again they might recognise my face when I reappear so I shouldn't be hypocritical). I think I was asking that question about my age because I was just reading that age Gap thread (younger women older men) and it rings true for OLD. I've seen so many mens profiles where the man will only consider younger women. I could get all cross and feminist about it (and I do 😂 ) but the pessimist I me then wonders if that's just how it is.

Welcome twinkle

I've just recently joined OLD too and I'm 46 so similar to you. I have seen somewhere (maybe here) that some women will put 49 rather than 50 as there can be a cut off for men searching but not entirely sure.

I joined just over a week ago and been chatting to a few potential irons. Had a facetime date today and wasn't feeling it unfortunately which is a shame because I liked him and I wanted to fancy him. Just shows you.

Another, will call Mr Tall, seems very nice too and chats quite easily. In the same line of work as me which is good, but only matched with him yesterday so no dates mentioned yet. A third, was Mr Cool, and just matched with him yesterday too. Seems very much on my wavelength and has good chat.

I've realised I either play it too cool and come accross uninterested or get too carried away so trying to find a happy medium.

@twinkleinyoureye there are men out there (I've just swiped left on someone who must be in his 60s if not later who has his age down as 30 🙄) but they're not the sort of guys you want to attract anyway. Get yourself a nice profile and then see what is out there for real.

We are adding Mr Camping to the list. I can't go to bed, I'm loving our chats too much. This is enjoyable, it feels exactly what being in my 20s and scoping the field post-divorce should feel like.

Welcome twinkle

Everyone’s doing lots, I can’t do much till my exam is over but am focussing on physically glamming out for when I am able to meet people.

Was thinking of setting up an account and meeting after exam but I live in a city and am childfree so quite like the whole “let’s go out tomorrow” thing. Plus chatting is quite time consuming so I’m sticking to Mumsnet.

(I bet as I’m really quite physically confident and feeling pretty right now the only dates I get will be creepy old 59 year olds pretending to be 29 and I’ll be like all summer feeling awkward in my cute dresses )

I've been chatting to someone on POF all weekend. Lots of interesting chat about music, books, art. And then I discovered last night that he is a bin man.

So I wouldn't rule someone out on the basis of their education. But I've ended lots of chats with men who claim to be intellectual but can't string a sentence together.

TwinkleInYourEye I'm 52 and I noticed a big drop in interest when I turned 50.
But there are decent men out there, it just takes time to find them. Good photos and an interesting profile are what you need to get noticed.

Twinkle - your post made me laugh as I've seen the man with a canary on his head on pof! I seriously doubt there are 2 of them 😆

I’m struggling to fancy anyone my age. Anyone else? I’m mid 40s 😬

Yes, @bangheadhere40 - it's quite amazing what you can find on pof, isn't it? Although this one has a canary kind of sitting on his cheek so there may be two!! I also see there is a man with a close-up of his bulging y-fronts today. He's not smiling and there are no words on his profile so presumably that package is enough to woo the women. Anyhow, I am sure there are lots of normal, funny men on there too (grimacing face emoji). And I did read on one of the threads on here that women do ridiculous things on their profiles, too, but I always find it amazing that so many men look p*ssed off on their profile photo. I mean, come on, make an effort, matey!