Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

HairyArsedMan I've lost count of the number of men who don't want to know, once they find out I have a teenager at home.
It is unusual for someone my age (52) to still have a child under 18. And also men, who still have childcare responsibilities, usually only do every other weekend.

Unfortunately it's not something I can do anything about.

Bunkbedpeople I think you're right about the carefully worded profiles. I've spent hours over the years, trying to get it right.
And I've come to the conclusion that short is best.
If someone thinks they're a good match, then they'll get in touch.

Anyone having problems with POF today?
I can get on the app but not the website. I want to change my settings but can't work out how to do it on the app

With the kids thing it's a funny one. I mention it on my tinder account because before men would just unmatch as soon as they found out anyway (I wanted to let them get to know me - I don't want to be judged straight off for being a single parent) so I just let people swipe left if it bothers them (and tbf I'm at an age where people are only just looking to settle down so I get they might not want to take on someone else's).

After several conversations with people who haven't excited me, Mr Sombrero has me captivated. Just chatting at the moment but he is interesting. I'm starting to remember how exciting it can be if I don't pressure myself and settle.

I usually get messages about my actual profile as I have a few bits on there that I now know will catch someone’s eye now so they have stayed the rest of time

Been on my date. It was so lovely. Relaxing day lying in the sun in the park chatting. We get on so well. I do fancy him, although it isn’t instant clothes ripping off levels, I would want to kiss him. We didn’t kiss we were very well behaved. We had a lot of fun. I hope he’s going to be ok with just going with the flow and not over thinking things

I haven’t found the teenagers thing too bad? A few unmatched but not that many

Well done *menorca” I’m jealous! How did you find the whole “walking around” thing worked? Did you pick a quiet spot and go from there?

I do think the children thing is significant so I would mention it - there’s quite a nice looking chap who I’ve seen on a few sites, and last time I saw him on tinder he’d added to his profile “I do have a child as that matters to some people.” Which I think is fair.

Some people may love the idea of a blended family or see parents as more “settled/responsible” people so it actually could be a plus point for some?

I don’t mind the idea of a blended family. I like children and don’t mind doing family things at all. I am nearly 40 and my DC are teenagers and I don’t feel all happy and relieved about them leaving home as I don’t really want to go off travelling the world. I like being at home with a family, pets, doing family things. I find good parenting really attractive and it’s one of the things I like about Mr Return. I think whereas before I went for men like my awful dad, I am now looking for someone completely opposite to him!
A lot of people think I am mad though. But I didn’t have a great family as a child, and I have raised my DC very happily alone in our little family so I really do have no problems with being in someone else’s family one day.

We just found a nice shady spot and had a picnic. Not much walking. Then we went to a shop before we went home and had a bit of a laugh in there too 😂

He’s not freaking out too much he just asked if I would like to go again and I said yes course I do!
I feel really relaxed with him

@Menora I'm so pleased it went well for you!!

I haven’t been on a picnic date in years but sounds lush!

Hopefully if I can get some meets in over the next month that will all change

Menora that sounds great. I'm glad it went well.

Bunkbedpeople Sat 30-May-20 15:09:25

Thank you very much for you reply. I really appreciate it and will take on board what you are saying. He says that he thinks I am the one for him and seems a serious type, however, then I have to instigate all the texting/contact so I find it a bit wearing after a while. If I am for him they why do I have to do all the contact/start conversations etc

@Menora Great update. Sounds like a lovely, fun date and you sound lovely too.

Thanks and good luck to all of you doing SD dating! It’s weird but doable!

Just had some feedback from the date

I said I was happy I got to wear my new dress he said he didn’t notice it as he could not stop looking at my face 😂
At least it wasn’t my boobs or something 😂
I don’t think I am like that facially amazing so I always feel weird when someone tells me that not bad weird but like... I don’t know what to say!

@Menora
Sounds like a lovely date.

When someone compliments your face you say Thanks!!

I said thanks 😂

Mr Muddle said the same about my face. He was really quite obsessed with it. So I think it may feel weird because of that?

He would always say I miss your beautiful face to me. Or I want to see your beautiful face. And stare at me and I would say why are you staring and he would say I can’t stop looking at your face. He went on about it a lot when I met him. I don’t think Mr Return will go on and on about it. I don’t like the idea if he is suggesting he thinks that I am like out of his league or anything. I don’t like the league thing. I also am more than a face!

Before this sounds like I am whinging about being called pretty 😂 I think that I maybe was more expecting him to say it was mentally and emotionally great (which is what I was thinking)
although I think he means it was when he said he had a lovely time, there is now focus on my face and I think from experience I find it a bit annoying sometimes. He hasn’t annoyed me. I just wished he had said something other than just about my face

I think generally with compliments it’s politest to keep them quite vague and positive (this applies to all genders and situations, not just dating).

“You look great.” “You look fantastic” . That kind of thing.

I think singling out any one feature can come across as a bit overly personal and patronising?

It’s also triggering for a lot of people - many women are used to having had random people make personal nosy unwanted comments on aspects of their appearance (not just men making these, plenty of women)

Things like “smiley face” or “unusual quirky dress sense” or “quiet gentle person” from people you hardly know can definitely come across as very passive-aggressive and controlling.

I got one random message on online dating which was “I like your quirky funky bangs”.

I don’t have “funky bangs”, I’m not aspiring to be very alternative looking in my dress sense...it just came across weird and didn’t create rapport at all.

Yeah I think if I had constant boobs comments I would find it sexually aggressive

Face not so much, I don’t find it sexual I am not sure I find it triggering as much as I feel that perhaps my face can almost be like a block to getting to know the inner me. I’m glad Mr Return had got to know me over the 6 weeks as I know it’s more than just my face he likes. So it can feel like you get defined by one thing

Had a 2 hour phone call with Mr Unexpected and he is certainly living up to his name. He has some very strong political and economical views. Although he says he doesn't like the sound of his voice it was mostly him talking and me listening. I hadn't got a clue what he was going on about for half of the time. I don't think a socially distanced will be on the cards because he doesn't like going out food shopping. I could see myself being friends with him but if he just wants to talk about politics all the time then I wouldn't want to date him.

Having a video call with Mr Motorbike tomorrow and have suggested a walk in a park or something if it goes well that he has said yes to. He hasnt thought about doing walks etc while not being able to go restaurants.

I have a few other potential irons on the cards so there will probably me more updates from me. The amount of chats I have going has toned down a little from last night's 20+

Lol @dancerinthemoonlight think that’s why the screening phone step is a good idea....sometimes you think “why is this eligible ok looking bloke single”....and then you find out

I guess with all the quantities of people you can afford to drop the ones you’re not interested in straight off.

Ladies how do you get so many conversations going?! I posted earlier in the thread but don’t think I had any replies!
But I have loads of matches but only a few message! Do you start the conversations??
If so what do u say?! X

I do message sometimes yes
I think if you make your profile kind of inviting and a bit mysterious/funny you tend to get more messages