Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Dancerinthemoonlight I am the same height as you. And when they tell you their height is 5.3 or something how do you react? I guess it's good to be honest isn't it.

@Bother7 I've had my best friend's brother pop up and I'm pretty sure he has swiped right because he keeps popping up and he was also in my feed when I changed it to 1k. We just don't speak of it. I think OLD is becoming more and more normalised, there's less of a taboo around it.

@Menora can you plan your walk to go next to a supermarket so you can go in and change at some point? I'd double up on products and wear some lycra shorts underneath

I don’t know if it will be any better tomorrow today I am emptying the womb every hour or so down the toilet!
The only toilet I will be near is my office so will take some keys 😂
I am already in tena and they aren’t controlling it though

@Bother7 I have had a couple of men that are he same hight as me but no one has said they are shorter. I have also learnt to take what they say their height is with a pinch of salt. I went on a date last year with a man who was supposedly 6ft and I was taller than his in heels so he much have been around 5'9. Honesty is always the best policy if it is an issue for you.

@cheesecakeaddict oh well at least you know he's not married. hopefully your friend had good things to say about him.

@bother7 I have to swipe past my cousin 🙈 luckily he doesnt go to many family gatherings. I do think it's more normal now to use dating apps.

Those of you that have gone on a socially distance date/walk how have you found it. is it a bit awkward?

I think I have a new iron, haven't figured out what hes really looking for yet but chat is good and fun. I have a terrible habit if not chatting to others if I find a good chat tho and tbh his is the best chat I've had in a while.

@Menora
postpone the walk? I drip through tampons and pads sorry tmi on my heaviest day so I wouldnt risk it plus I would be anxious anyways so not on best form for a date...

I’ve gone and bought like tena pants 😂 and will pack with tena and maybe not move around too much 😂

@Menora I agree with myfabby . If you’re postponing do it sooner and with a lot of notice/alternative suggestion so you’re not just cancelling on the day.

@Bother7

@Dancerinthemoonlight I think a lot of military guys think their job is going to put women off (plus security and all that) so “stretch the truth” when it comes to job descriptions.

It’s tough because my own MrMilitary has really good masculine energy and I think the chemistry is cracking , but then part of me is like if all I’m getting is last minute contact then it’s too “up and down” for me emotionally?

We randomly thought about going exclusive/steady start of this year and I think it’s shifted to dating others and meet if we can - I want to look forward to a date and plan and chill out, not have to rearrange my own plans because Iran is being threatening and he’s now going away for three months

@bother7 I agree everyone is on them, just ignore.

Unfortunately a couple of times I have been contacted by guys who are like “I know you IRL” as if that’s going to “force” me to say yes (and that’s creeped me out especially as I’m not attracted to them).

but that’s just the hurly burly of everyday life, desperate/creepy/rude people are everywhere! Just ignore if you don’t want to be in touch.

Hello everyone else 😊 hope you’re enjoying the warmth and slight lockdown lifting

@bunkbedpeople I don't think people are put off by men in the military because of allure of the uniform. The military men I have dated have all been upfront about it and there are men on tinder that put it in their bio. I always think it's better to be upfront about things than be slightly underhanded.
I don't think it's just the slight change in job description that is bothering me about him though.

I haven’t seen mine in uniform yet just out of .

I know there’s quite a lot of formal social stuff associated with the job (I’ve been invited to some by friends before) but tbh at my grumpy old age I just want to do my own thing not navigate the social politics of someone else’s workplace!

If your instinct is off I’d just politely cancel/block and focus on new ones. Don’t let this one take up too much headspace or time.

I find the trouble with one weird/shite date is it sends me quite “down” emotionally so best to avoid in advance.

I really don’t want to cancel. This guy has waited since January basically to meet up with me (and daily talking for the last 6 weeks). I know he would accept a cancellation very graciously and politely I just do really want to go. All I would be doing is sitting at home in a bad mood!

double pants and thick opaque tights under black trousers to hold it all in?

Also mention that I was a
bit ill and might have to cut things short - give him a chance to be a gentleman and also so he isn’t surprised if you have to scoot to the bathroom for a while or leave early. Adult mature men know women have menstruation issues.

(God it’s going to be crazy when I start attempting SD dates )

I will take office keys with me and just have to be honest about it 😂 I think he would rather i legged it to the loo than not go!

Menora Why do periods always arrive at the most inconvenient time??
Good luck with your date. Remember, no snogging, no matter how much you fancy him

crazycatlady20 I've had a couple of socially distanced dates and found them quite awkward. First dates are generally awkward anyway but now you have to talk a bit louder, watch where you're walking and if you fancy them, there's nothing you can do.

Sitting on benches seems to be acceptable now. This makes things a bit easier.
I think we're doing a little picnic for date 3 with my iron (now called Mr Hair)

Just been taking selfies in my pretty summer dress like a demented teenage Instagram influencer

Feel a bit immature doing this as 35 year old but I think for online dating I do have to “play the game” and initially I think it is people making snap judgements based on looks?

But I know I come across well in person (normally get second dates, if anything I don’t aim high enough in terms of men! It’s just increasing the chance of the “first swipe”

He is so sweet he offered today if I did want to reschedule I only mentioned being tired and hormones but I am just going to try to not bleed all over everything. I will basically be completely padded out at every angle and no sudden movements

I cannot wait to put on a nice dress. I have been saving this one - it’s 100% a first date dress

No snogging no! I don’t think he would in broad daylight in a park anyway 😂

@Bother7 I think it’s because I had no filters so anyone could message me.
As far as profiles go I keep mine mainly about me/my interests rather than my family situation. I don’t know what the best policy is. What do the guys on here think?
@menora how are you feeling about the date? Do you think you’ll be able to relax? I’ve had some awful periods like that when I was on the implant and it was always on my mind that any minute I could be soaked through. Hopefully by tomorrow things will start to ease up.

Have fun @Menora!!

Mr Politics (the previously nameless iron I was talking to) got a name because I was enjoying our chats but all evening he's just been banging on about Brexit and whilst we both agree on the same thing, it's just exhausting reading it all. Plus, I've figured out that he's into a bit of reverse snobbism, and I've tried to drop subtle hints like sending photos of me in the home spa (I don't want to show off, but I am who I am and I have worked damned hard to get here so I don't want it thrown in face as an insult either). I don't know. I miss Mr Vegan after this because he got me and didn't make me feel ashamed of being who I was.

Hmmmm....I’m on the fence now about having a lot of details in my profile? Not sure what others do.

I used to have a lot on (not on tinder though).

The guy it tended to draw was a bit too over cerebral and geeky and I wasn’t attracted to them or thought I could “force it”?

I kind of think that it’s more modern to just keep it minimal, stick to pics. and leave it to chat to find out?

Basically ... see if they’re attractive and you get on and forget the obscure films and interests I like?

Also it’s hard to say what you’re looking for without putting off people? I mean I like opera and all the arty shit but I don’t need a date to go with me there.

It’s better to screen the matches than put lists and details (which might put the right guy off - like say I said “intelligent”, a guy who is smart but doesn’t see himself as a geeky type might not reply?)

My bio is fairly long actually, I've listed my hobbies but in sentences rather than bullets

I feel like I'm going to have to get a little black book or something to keep up with all the conversations I'm having.
Mr Paramedic and Mr Bodybuilder are in the bin.

Current confirmed irons are Mr Unexpected and a new one I will call Mr Motorbike.

Mr Unexpected is rather lovely on the phone. Had an hour's call last night. Been texting this evening but no mention of a date yet.
Mr Motorbike i have it texted so far but will ask for a call over the weekend. He seems to want to see me but I think is more bothered about the lockdown and social distancing than I am.

Potentially other irons to come.

cheesecake I know what you mean about inverse snobbery?

I’m kind of a mix in that I’m into meditation, yoga, alternative stuff, but also I don’t necessarily have all the “standard left wing views” on everything?

Guys who drone on and on about how they’re the best person in the world because they’re into socially good causes or don’t earn much money or are a vegan are intolerant and boring.

Plus the irony is that, despite the fact that they see themselves as “deep and principled ” because they don’t have a car or foam at the mouth when Trump is mentioned, when it comes to dating they’re as shallow and superficial as the next bloke.

Seems like tinder is pretty fast paced for you dancer - I’m bracing myself

more men = more chance of meeting someone awesome

@bunkbedpeople I currently have 24 matches I'm talking to. A whole load who haven't messaged me back either to begin with of since yesterday. I have none on bumble and 4 on pof.
That's not including my 2 current irons and 2 on WhatsApp I haven't made up my mind about.

It's a bit difficult keeping everything straight and is slightly overwhelming with my phone going off all the time. I'm sure some of the chats will dwindle off to nothing and won't become irons.

I did get unmatched by a man yesterday because I told him that 'you have big tits' isn't a compliment and more of an observation