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Dating Thread 189 - The One Where We Date Without Meeting or Leaving Home

998 replies

JeSuisPrest · 12/05/2020 12:46

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
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CheesecakeAddict · 27/05/2020 12:13

Ooh @dancemom do tell! Which iron is this?
I agree with the numbers thing.
I have quite a lot of matches and I'm just going to keep going through them and be ruthless and unmatch if I change my mind. My problem is, before Mr Vegan I had a definite type, and he wasn't it. Now I don't know what my type is. I'll message first if I'm keen, otherwise they can stay in the matched bar and get deleted after a certain period of time, and anyone that doesn't respond within a week (because maybe people aren't checking the app), I'm also going to unmatch.

Menora · 27/05/2020 12:14

I thought I had a type too. God knows what my type really is

SimonJT · 27/05/2020 12:15

@dancemom Oh?!

@Dancerinthemoonlight The third one sounds okay, but please find the confidence to end any calls/chats that you don’t like.

I hope everyone is generally okay, not too bored, not too grumpy and managing to enjoy the weather.

EchoElephant · 27/05/2020 12:20

I have a second date tomorrow evening. This is a potential FWB but obviously there will be no testing the benefits for quite a while. Frustrating as I actually wanted to snog him on the first date, which is almost unheard of for me ☺
And I know he felt the same.
So it's just a walk and talk, for now. But we have discussed ideas of things to do in the future, so it all seems ok. I'm sure my doubts will start creeping in soon

Dancerinthemoonlight · 27/05/2020 12:25

I can see that I definitely had a type even though I didn't think I did. I'm trying to be more open minded with my swipes.

Notcoolmum · 27/05/2020 12:28

Ooh @dancemom do tell us more. I think I'm on the smitten bench. Or perhaps I'm on the Dull relationship bench!! Not sure who is there currently 😂

dancemom · 27/05/2020 12:29

It's Mr Farmer. It's only been about 10 or 11 weeks but we have broken lockdown multiple times and he's just so nice! I'm desperately trying not to over invest as I've been burnt before (haven't we all!) but I'm actually doing things like smiling at my phone, staying up till the early hours messaging and getting butterflies when I go to see him 🙈

I'll just look at the smitten bench from a social distance, I won't sit on it or anything for now ...

Menora · 27/05/2020 12:45

Ah that’s so nice!

I’m excited about meeting Mr Return. I have even planned my outfit 😂

Myfabby · 27/05/2020 12:51

@dancemom yay for smitten.. long may it continue
@menora- what are you planning to wear? Where is the date?
@EchoElephant, I hope walk goes good. How are you going to resist kissing???

Bunkbedpeople · 27/05/2020 12:52

@Dancerinthemoonlight

First Dates is one of my guilty pleasures tv viewing and the OAP dates are often the most magical Smile 101 year old bloke is the oldest I’ve seen.

CheesecakeAddict · 27/05/2020 12:54

@dancemom and @Menora that's so exciting!

I've been chatting to one guy who seems super interested but I can't decide if I find him attractive. I don't think I do. He also has the same name as Mr Vegan.

And apologies in advance for all the messages today, I'm writing here instead of messaging Mr Vegan which for some mad reason, I really want to do!

Menora · 27/05/2020 12:54

We are going on a walk. I am wearing a black and white polka dot summer dress but haven’t decided on the shoes yet 😂

dancemom · 27/05/2020 13:06

Thank you everyone... but keep me grounded please!

@CheesecakeAddict keep posting here, we will distract you!

CheesecakeAddict · 27/05/2020 14:34

Right talk me through the dreaded SM question. I don't want to add people straight away on insta/WhatsApp but some say hi and ask if I want to move over to that. I'm guessing it's so they know they are not being catfished, but how do you politely tell them not yet?

dancemom · 27/05/2020 14:44

I don't add anyone to SM at all prior to dating, I don't tend to move to WhatsApp until I've messaged on the site for several days

Menora · 27/05/2020 15:06

WA is ok if you have a chat going for a while. Sadly it is because they worry about catfishing!

But no IG or FB. No no no. Untangling that is awful. Also for me it’s full of lovely memories of my DC and friends and may be identifying!

StealthNinjaMum · 27/05/2020 15:39

@CheesecakeAddict I’m not on insta but whenever a man asked to move to wa too soon I just said I didn’t feel ready or wanted to get to know him better. Any decent man won’t push it.

ZoZoBo · 27/05/2020 16:49

I’m not adding anyone to SM but I’m happy with WhatsApp if you are ready to move - it’s easier than going in and out of an app for me as I dont tend to keep notifications on and forget to check.

ZoZoBo · 27/05/2020 16:54

I’m still chatting to two irons who are like polar opposites of each other! So no type for me either. One pops up intermittently but I feel a good connection with the other..,we’ve had loads of funny chats and getting more flirty all the time. I worry it won’t be possible to sustain until we can meet (2 months probably!) but I’m enjoying it for now. We ended up having a very sexy chat Monday night which left me very hot and bothered after Blush I have never had such a conversation in my life!!! I’m really enjoying this new me Wink

Menora · 27/05/2020 17:08

Do you ever wonder if any of us are talking to each other’s old irons or exes

Bunkbedpeople · 27/05/2020 17:20

I’ve not had much chance to “do” online dating since I got WhatsApp.

So I’m still a baby at it really. Same with tinder.

I certainly wouldn’t give someone access to identifying social media (actually I’m not on it that much anyway).

I’ve offered WhatsApp connection quite soon after messaging someone on tinder .

However, I’m reviewing this strategy as I go along.

I think:

  • Phone step is good and a must before meeting - voice is important.
  • I genuinely do look as good as (or better) than my photos and have nothing to hide.

Tbh someone who demands I “prove” who I am before meeting by providing them with ways to check up on me would give me the creeps.

I also think it indicates they are a bit of a drama llama with poor social boundaries - it’s like they don’t mind their ex or their friends seeing they’re adding lots of attractive new women....

We’ve all been there - sat opposite someone who isn’t as attractive as their photos. You drink your coffee and you make pleasant conversation for 40 minutes then you make an excuse and either don’t message them or if they message say “no spark”. It’s not like they’ve robbed you or something!

  • I find constant use of WhatsApp a bit draining (the guy I’m loosely in touch with who I had cracking chemistry with last year isn’t really a verbose type but is genuinely very intelligent and personable irl).

So I may have people on but just leave answering messages for a while, or phone them back in a day.

I also don’t really like the whole sending millions of messages when they’re bored at work then making zero effort for the date/meet itself - it’s like they think they’ve done the “work” already? Hmm

That makes me sound very intense and grumpy! Grin

StealthNinjaMum · 27/05/2020 17:20

menora about a year ago someone described someone who sounded ridiculously like my stbexh. I was feeling quite anxious especially when she moaned about his lack of bedroom performance Grin but further details came out and it was clear it wasn't him.

I have no type although have realised that Mr R is the complete opposite of my stbexh in every respect and I have had doubts about whether Mr R is as amazing as I thought or whether I just like him because he's not like my ex. I'm going to have a socially distanced walk with a friend on Saturday to discuss. It's been over a year with Mr R.

Dancerinthemoonlight · 27/05/2020 17:39

@Menora I have often wondered that. I wonder what they would say about us and how they would remember the relationship/dates. Probably a lot more in favour of them than it actually was

Dancerinthemoonlight · 27/05/2020 17:49

I have decided to call last night's iron Mr Paramedic. Been texting throughout today.
New iron I will call Mr Bodybuilder. We are arranging a walk in a local park for a first meet/date.

EchoElephant · 27/05/2020 18:35

Just catching up

Myfabby How will I resist the urge to snog my date? Same way as I did last time. By concentrating on walking and talking while trying not to crash into lamp-posts or other people. But it won't be easy Smile

Menora Hope the date with Mr Return goes well. I'm excited for you. You've been chatting for a long time

CheesecakeAddict I'll add people on WA but nothing else. And at the moment, I'm saying that I'm keeping WA for friends and family contact only.
Also my WA profile pic isn't me and I don't have my name on my profile.

Dancerinthemoonlight good to see you're finding new irons and arranging dates. Hope it goes well