A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

It seems weird to me that he has blocked, as most people know it’s pretty easy to detect if you’ve been blocked? But I can’t think of any other explanation. Whatever you do next is a huge decision - people state LTB and divorce on here very readily in my opinion. Explore all options, and what’s right for you and your family. Good luck xx

It's difficult to confront only with a hunch

He will then minimise/deny etc

There's a reason he's blocking at night - it's not because he doesn't want you to see him chatting to his nan now is it!

Hopefully the sim will arrive before he does next weekend...but what will this tell you? That he's online late at night after he's blocked you? You already know this. He won't suddenly admit to whatever he's up to, he'll blame WA or his phone or whatever

It’s not always a case of asking your OH what’s going on, I found out my OH was cheating through what’s app. I needed evidence as he was saying there was nothing going on, they are just friends all the usual things to make it seem I was being stupid for even questioning him! There is a way you can see what he is messaging but you will need to get his phone and you need to have WhatsApp downloaded on a laptop. If needed let me know and I can explain how to do it!

It does sound like blocking. When you think he’s blocked you and his picture disappears on your phone and it goes to one tick. Message him of your kids phone as see if it goes through two ticks from the kids phone to see if he’s blocked you

I don't think he's blocking you to stop you seeing when he's last online - he could turn this off easily in his settings. I'm really sorry but I think he's spending time with someone else and has told them that he's single. I think he is blocking you when they're together so that no calls or messages come through from you, so that she doesn't get suspicious that he isn't really single 😔

@left OP had already said they don't use WhatsApp to text each other and she can call/iMessage him even when she's blocked on WhatsApp

You're being blocked or muted - not sure if the pic disappears when you're muted though - I think that's only when you're blocked.
He clearly doesn't want you to see when he's online. So yes, he's up to something. And that something will be another woman.

Only consolation is that he's only whatsapping her too. Otherwise he wouldn't need to block you if she was there with him. He staying in a hotel while working away? Anyway that you could check hotel receipts or something?

You can buy SIM cards at supermarket tills. No need to order one, just pick on up with your milk.

OP had already said they don't use WhatsApp to text each other and she can call/iMessage him even when she's blocked on WhatsApp

He's being careful and leaving nothing to chance, just in case.

Havent rtft but very quickly - I had all this bollox with a lying partner before. A quick suggestion would be that if you do manage to get into his phone...

1. Have YOUR phone ready to video what you see as you scroll through his phone. Its easy to forget things with the adrenaline that goes through your veins plus you can miss things. Its better than taking pictures.

1. Install Whatspad (I think its called) on YOUR Ipad. If you do nothing else, open DH Whatsapp, go to Settings>Whatsapp Web/Desktop>Scan QR code.

If you hold the Ipad over his phone, it acts as a second version running at exactly the same time on your Ipad. Even when he goes back to work, you’ll be able to see what he messages - and deletes - in real time. Note that it wont show videocalls or whatsapp calls but its something. It will also show you the list of Blocked contacts as that changes. If you do manage this (maybe worth practicing on your own Iphone first as time will be of the essence?) I would then video his chats on your phone. If he deletes conversations you cant restore them.

I also highly doubt he’d twig you’ve done a clone of his whatsapp.

It's the block list and his phone on airplane mode that you need to also pay attention to.

And I only just notice that my son has managed to keep hiding my apps. So they are still there but you can not see them unless you touch them. Not sure how he does it, he's two so can't really ask 🤣

Charging on airplane mode, I think, just speeds up charging. So may not indicate anything

Whilst I sympathise I do feel you need to think carefully OP.

Cloning WhatsApp etc could be an absolute recipe for disaster. If you find something and confront him he's going to want to know how you know. How do you address that question and can you be sure he wouldn't take things to the next level physically if he found out. Especially as you have young children.

In addition what if he catches you doing it? Or realised somethings not quite right. Again do you trust him that things wouldn't escalate.

Is there a reason you couldn't bring it up casually. Say oh my iMessage wasn't working and I tried to WhatsApp you and it wouldn't go through. Be casual but let him know you think that something is amiss. If he then says oh I don't know say oh I could see it on DC group. This is much safer in my honest opinion.

Maybe I've just had different experiences than you though

Say oh my iMessage wasn't working and I tried to WhatsApp you and it wouldn't go through. Be casual but let him know you think that something is amiss. If he then says oh I don't know say oh I could see it on DC group. This is much safer in my honest opinion.

And he could just say he doesn't know what's going on, technology can be temperamental...then he can just unblock her, get a second phone and carries on doing what he's doing.

People who want to hide things will do whatever it takes....by asking casual questions, you tip them off and remain none the wiser.

@SandyY2K if still be very cautious cloning it 🤷🏼‍♀️

If you turn off "last seen" others can see when you're "online". If you block them, they can't.

All sounds very suspicious, sorry Op. Hope you get to the bottom of it before it completely wrecks your head.

Not sure if this has been pointed out already, but when u log into WhatsApp from a browser, there is a security alert in WhatsApp and they can see where it has been logged into (i. Decide and location) So if you do try it you will need to have his phone long enough to delete the alert and hope he doesn't look at the settings (which would show you logged in)

My guess would be that he’s with someone while he’s blocking you ...

So he seen someone in the morning .. left (went to work) and then was with them on the evening again and blocked you and so on...

He doesn’t need to block his son as it’s his son so presuming another women would know about him.

Family chats he can mute and reply back to later also so nothing pops up.

I would also do what Cannotcope4223 suggested and clone his whats app onto an iPad etc.

Try doing it with you account first so you know what does and doesn’t pop up.

He's not working away OP. I would say he's blocking you at night cos that's when he's up to no good.

@princesstwinkle

@SandyY2K if still be very cautious cloning it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would never agree with cloning.

For me, I would look at the current state of the marriage, my feelings for him and not just staying for financial reasons or marital status and combined with this dodgy behaviour, I'd make my decision with all these in mind.

That decision doesn't necessarily mean ending the marriage immediately, but it would most likely involve emotionally detaching from him and preparing for a future without him.

I think the difficult thing for OP is all the speculation about what his actions mean and where it leaves the marriage. I am not sure I would want to stay married to someone though if I found out he was having an affair. For me once the trust and commitment have gone things would never be the same again.

@SandyY2K I have to say. I'm shocked that just last week there was a thread of a woman who was scared that her DH might be cloning her WhatsApp and phone messages. MN was in outrage saying it was a red flag for a husband to do that and she should get out of there ASAP as he was being controlling etc. Then this thread OP is actively being encouraged to do it!

Madness