A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

Yup my ex did the same, denied everything and blamed me for being paranoid, sensitive etc etc. Then he slipped up and left a WhatsApp FaceTime call in his log. I contacted her and she sent me all the messages. He’d met her on Fab Swingers, but she was a decent person, he’d lied to her too the cock. I had great fun sending him messages with snippets of hers inserted. I could ruin him with what I now know about him & the photographic evidence of his degenerate lifestyle. She wasn’t the only one.

I did wonder - he'll be super sensitive to any strange behaviour from you and I bet he has picked up on you contacting him via FaceTime etc. Has he said something?

Not surprised he's not blocked you this weeks he knows you are suspicious so is doing nothing

Yes, I think he's probably hyper aware of me and my reactions and I've been up and down all week and quite emotional. I could d plain that away as hormones as Im a nightmare at the moment (peri).

He definitely went to his phone to see if I had been on it. It was in the kitchen while I was cooking.

He also was on his iPad in bed one morning and went to some settings page and looked at the Bluetooth. To see if there was another phone on anywhere?

I quickly had to scramble and turn off the Bluetooth on my second phone. Which luckily for me was named the same as my daughters current phone so don't think that did much.

Crafty twat is definitely very smart. I definitely can't blame me looking at his phone and second phones in the house as hormones

Killing Eve and Gin worked and I didn't confront.

I know he is into me so I'm going to have to be even smarter. He hasn't blocked me again as he has likely picked up weirdness from me (despite best efforts) and then noticed me messing with his phone.

He will not confess. This bit I know. There have been issues in the past. Yes, Im contemplating what that means for the future.

I would like to know though. For those that haven't been through it, that part is unexplainable to most. I know I don't need it from the outside, but I feel like I do.

Seriously do post on reddit. They will know.

I think you know in your heart if he is leaving his phone around for you to 'check' he has covered his tracks this week and that can only be bad news.

Something like fabswingers would make sense wouldn't it?

He works away, can meet anyone down there, WhatsApp video calls on evenings if he can't meet etc. Easy set up really

I've never posted on reddit before. I had a quick look yesterday and can see there is a tech section. I'm assuming I just put in a question in there?

Do I explain why? Not sure of the 'rules'

OP you'll drive yourself crazy with wondering all sorts. You know he's up to something. I suppose it depends are willing to accept certain things or is it a case of it depends what he's doing. For me if a guy is cheating be it emotional affair a physical affair or on something like fab I'm done. I couldn't live like that. You might never know the truth but you know there's something.

It’s possible. It’s easy to get an account on Fab Swingers, you can hide your profile and search quite specifically using different postcodes/areas. If you do find him or someone you think is him you won’t see some details unless you join which isn’t expensive and you can get refund easily. He may hide/unhide his profile though, so save a search in his work postcode and check it regularly. Fab don’t send emails only when you first join. Also he’ll probably lie about his age so put a few years younger in the search. Generally people don’t video chat a lot on there, but in Covid they will be much more. He may be sexting though.
Another thing to check is to see if he has a hidden photo storing app. My ex had one disguised as a calculator. Look first on App Store to see what the icons look like.

Steel yourself though OP, if you do look on there, it’s quite grim.

Oh God. Will do that.

He does have Dropbox I noticed.

How does FS appear on bank statements?

Can't help with the tech stuff, but is Illict Encounters another possibility? That's the site I found my ex on, pretending to be 6yrs younger - idiot!!... You do have to pay for that, and get emails, but finding his 'secret' email address gave me all the answers I needed. I know you don't 'need' proof, but for me, I needed to prove just a little bit of what I thought to stop myself thinking I was going mad!!!

Hi OP I’ve read the thread and your partner is definitely tech savvy. I think at this stage I would go down the route of private investigator! Do you know where he stays when he is away?

@Butteredtoastandcoffee Dropbox..... he could be storing photos on there?

Does he gave any other messaging apps?

I have also heard of the photo album which is a calculator.

I'm on Fab Swingers and you dont have to pay to search.

You can pay by card, text or phone so would be easy to top up on text and get it added to your phone bill. Its £5 so most partners woukdnt get suspicious as it's not much.

If you want me to do some searching I'd be happy to help. Just PM from the website and not the app as messages dont work on the app.

Whilst I understand you want firm evidence if he is onto you there will be no more firm evidence. You are no longer able to go onto his phone because he knows.

In addition have you checked if he had or now has screen time turned on. According to Apple if screen time is on 'Apple’s Screen Time feature is meant to do exactly what its name implies: provide a report for everything you do when the screen is on' - if he leaves his phone on the side for a set period of time and you touch it and go through things when he takes it back he can look at exactly what apps were used etc. I wouldn't be surprised if their is a reddit from him asking how he can make sure he knows if you're looking or not.

I really don't understand what more you think you will find. He obviously knows you know something and is setting you a trap which you are walking straight into.

The whole point of this thread seems to be that you were being blocked and unblocked and how could you find out. You've found out and have the proof so why not confront him?

I know what you mean about having to know, my husband had emotional affairs for years and I put up with it as he threatened suicide each time I caught him.

It was almost like a cat and mouse game trying to catch him out, sometimes he wasnt up to no good and eventually I'd stop checking his phone and then my spidey senses would go off and I'd check and lo and behold he would be doing it again.

I kept thinking that if it was physical and I could get some proof then it would definitely be the end and I could walk away but I never had proof but it was like an itch that needed to be scratched.

In the end I left 2 years ago after finding texts to a woman asking her on a date, prior to this I hadnt checked his phone for years as I was making plans to leave when our DD was 18 but one night I checked his phone and that was the end for me.

I know you want proof but you can end your marriage without having a reason.

I think I would pretend your teenage daughter is doing it and you want help as you have suspicions she is being led into dealing or something. Men are more likely to help you then!

Another site is socasual where you say what availability you have to meet for an hour or more of sex. He would need another email but WA or kik also link to it.

@SortingItOut completely agree. If you aren't happy and have doubts that enough for the relationships to be over.

You deserve better than this.
You shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel like this.

I've been following your thread and I agree with some of the PP. He is definitely up to something, and he knows you know. I think it is time to stop with the covert stuff and just have it out with him. This relationship is for all intents and purposes, over. Time to draw the line and move forward. Carrying on with the secret squirrel stuff is just going to add to more torment and stress.

He will just lie. He will not confess. So she will be no further forward. Although everyone is right you can leave without any proof at all, OP needs more than this to be able to move on.

@pinkandstripey agree!

@Butteredtoastandcoffee, if your DH is away again now until the weekend then I would use the next few days to get my head straight. What do you want ? What practical issues do you need to address before you can go your separate ways if that's what you decide is best for you? This is never easy or straightforward and ultimately it's your life and marriage. But truthfully making do and staying in a relationship where the trust has gone isn't going to be much of a happy life going forward is it ?

@Friendsofmine but she has proof he blocked her?

Wasn't this what it was all about?