A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

Is it an iPhone he has? Because the new ones have dual SIM capability, he wouldn't need to keep it anywhere, it would be in the phone.

Yes iPhone.

@copycopypaste I think I jumped too early on the iMessage. I noticed I was blocked and went straight in. In hindsight I should have waited a little I think.

He engineered a bit of a row with me. Said I was being an arse when I wasn't. Said he'd speak to me tomorrow....

He's gaslighting you.

I really wouldn't confront him yet. He will literally just deny it all and then cover his tracks better. Time to start getting your ducks in a row I'm afraid x

I've just been reading the WhatsApp FAQs. So if somebody uses the 'change number' feature, it'll migrate the account with the new telephone number, but it will notify each contact that the person has chatted with. The notifications can be turned off for individuals, but can't be turned off in group chats. This notification is a blue bubble within the chat and it's silent - it doesn't come up as a notification at all. It says something like 'John Smith has changed their number to 07xxxxxxxxx'. If a new WhatsApp account is set up with a new telephone number, there wouldn't be any notifications anywhere.

I can't say for sure if this would come up on your phone if you're blocked. See if you can see the blue bubble on your DC's phone in the group chat, around the time he blocks you?

May I ask, have you tried to call him on his mobile number (no FaceTime/Skype/Facebook Messenger - a good old fashioned telephone call) when you've been blocked on WhatsApp? That right there would prove that his main SIM card is in his phone, or a phone.

This whole process seems too long winded to me... It'd be much simpler to have a burner phone to hide infidelity. Saying that, a second SIM card is easier to conceal than a mobile phone. If I think of anything else I'll post.

Said he'd speak to me tomorrow

Giving him time to sort his admin out for sure.

To be fair I might have been an arse.

I'd had a couple of gins and had just realised I'd been blocked again so no doubt my tone was shite!

You can get a notification in groups that your number has changed in WhatsApp

OP - when you get him, try to go on battery - this shows every single app accessed. If he's turned screentime on even better, it shows the number of notifications received as well as every website, app etc used. It's impossible to delete too!

@Butteredtoastandcoffee I’m not through the whole thread yet, but if you can get to his phone the open WhatsApp > settings > WhatsApp web/desktop, you can scan the QR code on your phone and you can see his whatsapp in real time and won’t know you’ve done it either.

He can buy top-ups with cash = no trail. I've learnt loads of useful stuff on here.

Stay strong op. This week will feel long, I'm sure. He deserves a face to face comeuppance. Try and not give the game away. X

You're doing well OP. I don't have the self restraint and probably would have confronted him anyway.

What are the other issues in the marriage you alluded to? Any previous cheating episodes? If so I wouldn't even bother with all this detective stuff and just pack his bags.

Thing is, when he gets home and you confront him, he isn't likely to admit to anything.

He will no doubt lie, minimise, blame technology glitch blah blah blah Jackanory

You are unlikely to catch him in the act shagging, so unless he fesses up you are unlikely to get any kind of proof.

Assuming you get nowhere, I would try and think about what your plan will be at that point.

What are the other issues in the marriage you alluded to? Any previous cheating episodes? If so I wouldn't even bother with all this detective stuff and just pack his bags.

Agree with this. Tell the fucker not to bother coming home.

I'd say you have enough to confront him with anyway, also the children won't be around to witness it.

Like I said earlier, I'd block him myself then let him shit himself when he goes to block you and realises

@Butteredtoastandcoffee put your phone and your sons phone together and take a photo of them both at same time when you think you're blocked but not your son. To show him as evidence. Obviously you'd need a camera or someone else's phone to do this. Good luck x

Or just screen shot both phones, the time stamp will match x

The brass neck of these people fuck me off (and my “relationship” is no picnic so speaking from experience. I tend to manically laugh to myself and think if these blokes wanted to do it that be more likely to get away with it by doing it in plain fucking sight, it’s the dreadful attempts at a cover up that always give them away!

@MrJollyLivesNextDoor what a great name. I’m going to watch some Comic Strip now (sorry to derail...)

I recently got a new phone and it has space for 2 sim cards. I'm not really sure how this works - if you can have two WhatsApps set up on the same phone at the same time. I'm not really sure what the purpose is. My phone is a Samsung so I don't know if the newer iPhones have space for 2 sims but it might be worth checking inside the actual phone. If this is the case, it might account for why the imessages are still going through. I imagine in the settings you can have it set to receive from one or both sims, but whatsapp would only be one sim at a time.

I have a knot in my stomach reading this.

Hold your nerve OP, only people who've been in your position know how easily they can spin things to make you look paranoid. You will need proof for your own peace of mind.

so I don't know if the newer iPhones have space for 2 sims

I’ve got an iPhone 11 Pro so pretty much top of the current range and it’s not dual sim. iPhones never have been to my knowledge.

You can get virtual e sims. My dp has an iPhone11 and has 'normal' whatsapp on his number for work and a 'business' whatsapp on an esim for business (so 2 separate accounts with different numbers on the same phone).

You’ve had some excellent advice here OP.

Please listen to the posters who are telling you not to confront him until you have EVERYTHING lined up.

You are married and have children and ( I assume ) a home and other assets together - you need legal advice. Solicitors are still working, please contact a good one.

Remember his most likely reaction is to deny everything and say you are crazy and paranoid. Then you are left with no proof and all your suspicions and things are even worse between you. All he will do is hide things better. And he has a LOT of opportunity when he’s away from home to hide things better.

It’s a common MN fantasy “ just ask him, I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation” that cheaters will come clean the first time you ask them and end the affair right now, once they see how upset you are.

In reality it never happens. These men KNOW what they are doing is wrong and will devastate you - they just don’t care. They lie and lie and lie - that’s what they are experts at. They feel entitled to do what they are doing because reason.

That reason hasn’t changed just because you suspect about the cheating, it just means they have to be more clever to avoid you getting “proof “ .

Can I ask - when he’s working away , does he stay in a hotel or your second home somewhere he could be visiting OW? Or is he somewhere like an oil rig where it’s more likely to be online cheating ?

Do you think it’s an affair or is he abusing prostituted women ?

@WhoDrankMyGin how does he do that? Would love a separate WhatsApp for work and home but never thought it was possible

there is a business WhatsApp client you can download (looks similar to normal WhatsApp but has a B instead of the phone in the middle)

so if you get an eSim and activate it, you can download the Business WhatsApp app and set up Business WhatsApp to use that number :)