A little suspicious - any knowledgeable WhatsApp users around?

[Butteredtoastandcoffee]

Changed username for this.

I think DH might be blocking and unblocking me on WhatsApp.

He works away midweek. I noticed randomly a while ago that his profile pic on WhatsApp had changed to nothing. Before it had been a pic of us all.

Then noticed on sons phone a while later (he was showing me messages) it was a pic of the kids.

I didn't think much of it. Then I was whatsapping someone and his pic was of the kids on mine too. Basically thought I must have been mistaken and promptly forgot all about it. We very rarely WhatsApp each other, we mainly use iMessage but he uses WhatsApp with the kids and other family/friends. I use it for the kids and workmates mainly.

Fast forward to last night. Was on WhatsApp and saw the picture of the kids. He is quite high up on my chats list.

For some reason I screenshot it. Then this morning, went to WhatsApp my sister and the pic is back to nothing again. It's of the kids on my sons!

I WhatsApped a message and it's just got one tick and has for ages. But on a group kids chat we are on it went to two straight away for him when I messaged this morning.

This is just weird!

It can't be that he wants to hide his last online as he has that set so nobody sees that anyway. He wouldn't need to block me for that.

Any ideas as to why?

I know the right thing to do is ask. I don't really want to do that right now.

@copycopypaste that is a good suggestion. I had started writing a reply saying when you confront him ask him to show you his phone, but then I realised that if there is another sim that is pointless.

If he won't show you, that tells you everything

I am so sorry OP, you must be feeling horrific.

Ok, you said the marriage is not good overall. In what way? Tbh it seems so clear that he is cheating, that I think if the background is that he has form for cheating in any way, you can say it's game over and he's at it again. But maybe there is another angle which would shed light - is he financially controlling, an angry person, likes confusing you/shutting you out of stuff in general?

That Q is relevant also in terms of what to do now. You must be consumed by this but please, before he gets home, take this time to try and think very calmly about 'ducks in a row'. If you confronted him tomorrow, what might you kick yourself that you had not done first, if a splitting up situation was then on the cards?

Do you have access to all finances?
Do you have originals or copies of all official stuff - his pension, bank account details, his NI number, anything and everything you can think of?

Even down to little things like, are there any precious family photos or anything you might want which are stored on his laptop/Dropbox/iCloud - if so, get them accessed and copied now.

This might seem OTT and hopefully it is, but concentrating on these things might help distract you too.

I think it's obvious that he is cheating. I would also think as hard as you can about what outcome you would want in all possible scenarios. How things are LIKELY to progress from his LIKELY response when/if you confront him, and what comebacks you need for the responses you know - from knowing him - that he will have.

I so nearly rang and asked him this morning.

Thankyou for keeping me on the right path.

The suggestion below about monitoring when home and confronting is what I intend to do.

Lots to think about. No he isn't abusive.

He takes his phone to bed and we often sleep at different times. I think the sim is about the phone. So between the case and phone

Yes , when I go back to Uk , I take my sim out and sellotape it to the back of my phone, then return it to the case . That way never worried about losing it

You know that confrontation is just a step that leads to denial, obfuscation, frustration, lies, cover up etc.....and this gives him time to manoeuvre. You will NOT get what you want - an explanation or the truth. It is futile
and will leave you much worse off in every way than before you spoke.

So you need to see any confrontation as just a single necessary step and you need to be well prepared for what happens immediately after the confrontation - so tell him your decision, have all of your ducks in a row - know if you want him out of the house there and then etc.

Don’t pull the trigger until you have this all set up.

At this point you are the most powerful you can ever be - so play this hand v well - knowing what steps 2, 3, 4 and 5 will be.

Is there any chance it is “just” porn, or online sex with strangers or an emotional affair? In your head are either of these possibilities and are they the same red card as a physical affair?

Also what are the timings? Could it be someone in a different time zone?

Or could it be something entirely different - online gambling?

I admire you, OP. I couldn't hold off until Friday. For me, it wouldn't be worth the anxiety it'd cause me for the rest of the week. I hope you're okay.

I’m so sorry this is where your at what a twat 😡
When you say he is working away ,how far away is he ?

Do you know. We've had a bit of an issue for around a week or so, on and off with double message threads on iMessage.

So I will randomly get two message threads but each saying different things. Confused the life out of me but thought it was a glitch.

Just done some research as it's happened again this morning.

It can happen when you get a new phone, updates etc but it also says it can happen with new sims etc.

Twat.

Hours away.

Apparently when it's a new sim, it reverts to Apple ids settings.

He could be blocking you so you don't get a notification that his number changes in Whatsapp when he swaps SIMs. But then again, that message would still appear in the group chats, so I'm not really sure.

Could he be up to something else? E.g. selling drugs

If you confront him over the phone you won't have a hope of getting the answers you need - so yes it's worth the anxiety to wait - you've a better hope of putting the anxiety to bed when you do get to confront.

Even to see his face in real time. Even that, alone, will probably be the equivalent of a thousand words, so to speak.

But do think on what outcome you would want because it will help you to stay on your feet in any ensuing conversation. Would you want to try and work it out, if he is cheating? Would it be an instant 'it's over'? If you have taken time to think it through and KNOW what you'd ultimately want, it will keep you calmer and more focused.

But then again, that message would still appear in the group chats, so I'm not really sure.

But wouldn't it be the number that is on the group chat, not the physical phone? When he swaps SIMs and goes to the new number, that number isn't 'in' the group chats surely?

Yes the group chat number wouldn't change, I don't think anyway.

Do you get a message from WhatsApp when someone you know used a different number?

My aim is to wait till Friday. I've got this far.

Do you get a message from WhatsApp when someone you know used a different number?

No, the only way WhatsApp knows that you 'know' a person is because you have their number in your phone, surely it wouldn't know that two different numbers are actually the same person?

Really hope you get answers OP

Regarding duplicate iMessages, if you go into Settings>Messages>Send and Receive, you can see where you will send iMessages from. Usually, it's your mobile phone number and your e-mail address that is linked with your Apple ID.

This may be useful to you:

The Messages app on iOS divided conversations based on the sender’s address, without regard to contact entries. So an iMessage conversation with somebody’s phone number will be separated from an iMessage conversation from that person’s email address, even if both share the same contact record in your iOS address book. You can determine which address is being used for an iMessage conversation by tapping the “Details” button in the top right corner and then tapping the “i” button beside the user’s name. This will bring up a contact card for that user, with the iMessage address highlighted in blue.

Chances are that if you look at the two conversation threads with your fiance, you’ll discover that they’re both using different addresses. If your fiance has recently upgraded to a new iPhone, changed carriers, or even simply switched to a new SIM card, this can cause iOS to revert back to using his email address by default while the phone number is being re-registered with Apple’s servers. Sadly, while there’s no way to merge the two threads, you can basically determine which one to keep using by matching the “from” address in your Messages app with the “Start New Conversations from” setting on his iPhone — just ensure that you’re both using a conversation with his phone number, or that you’re both using a conversation with his e-mail address. This will keep you in the same conversation thread, and the old one will simply lay dormant.

www.ilounge.com/index.php/articles/comments/why-do-i-have-two-separate-conversations-with-the-same-person-in-messages

@nepptune

Thank you. I've literally just bookmarked that thread.

It's too much of a coincidence that all this is going on and that has been happening over the last week or so.

Still don't get why he would block me, then change sim. I first thought it was to stop me seeing him online but it can only be potentially the security thing I mentioned earlier.

Honestly, the lengths my brain is having to go to is ridiculous.

One thing I wouldn't do is attempt to log in to his Apple ID to utilise Find My iPhone (I've read it's been suggested). Apple ALWAYS use two factor authentication to log in, which will ping his phone with the credentials to log in.

I just thought, if I needed to hide a SIM card, I'd put it behind my phone case, or in a storage compartment in my car. Those are worth checking if possible.

Definitely. I think it's his phone case.

Surely this sim needs paying for though. May have to check the bank accounts.

Dc has a sim with EE doesn't even have to be topped up if used on WiFi so there probably will be no bills or links to bank

If he's using a different sim then how is he imessagjng the op?