Meeting someone at 48

[Lazingonasunnyafternoon20]

Is it too late?

I don't think so but perhaps others think otherwise?

Am due to start a new job soon with plenty of potential to meet someone - moving to new area.

I still want a nice home and good lifestyle but at this age, broke and starting at the bottom again, today I am starting to wonder if its a dream rather than a realistic goal.

Gosh I hope not. I'm 50 this year. Divorced 10 years ago. Started a new job last year and moving house in the next few weeks. I'm still hopeful I will meet someone special one day.

@serenada you have to look at it as a numbers game. Many people, both male and female, will be sending out lots of likes and comments. They will most likely respond to someone who seems easy to engage with so if they only receive a 'hi' backdrop one and a chatty funny message from someone else, then they are more likely to respond to the chatty one. It's just the way it is.

I started chatting to someone who was fairly monosyllabic and didn't really initiate conversation so I have let him fade away in favour of a couple of other funny, chatty people. There should be effort but on both sides, imo.

I'd say just treat it as fun. Don't overthink. And chat to anyone, you can always say a polite no thanks later and block. I got tinder gold I think so you can match with who likes you ? Can't remember exactly. Keep the chat light and not too personal.

I meant your personal info, not that you'd ask them weird personal stuff 😂

Good advice girls - I'll take it onboard.

Just think it is the height of bad manners to not say hello when someone has gone to the bother of saying hi. Where are my pearls when I need them?

Sounds good!
Thanks, hope you will find someone decent too.

Serenada, just give it a few weeks, you will find yourself rolling your eyes and not even looking at profiles from people who only say “hi”.

For most people a single HI equates to saying “I’m not bothered to make an effort, you do it for me” Hence why most people do not reply and many find it offensive.

Ah! I see...

So, I did send a few more messages but honestly, it's hard! What are you up to in lockdown variations.

One has completely disappeared - deleted his account? and nothing from the rest.

I have to say, reading through the bios these guys have put in a lot of effort and they all just sound a little too good. As though a smart English grad has written what he thinks a woman wants to hear.

Ghost writing on ad sites - how sad is our world

Take it easy and don’t get excited about anyone until you meet them in person, I have not met any nasty one but you really need to meet them in person before you allow yourself to get excited as you may not like each other as a potential partner when you meet.

There will be people who may talk with you for days and then disappear, don’t take this personally, most talk to several people at any given time so either them or you may find someone and I can’t assure you no one comes back to say good bye 😁

@serenada I'd just say don't overanalyse, just have fun! Just message lots of people and don't think much about it or about the future.

Well, Guardian Soulmates announced they were shutting down today so ...

Another example of the Guardian DOOM we were taking about

You mean their general tone surrounding corona?

The thing is I reckon more people have signed up since lockdown - I'm surprised they've closed it down tbh

Yes. That's what I meant, sorry. And I'd have thought so too!

Go on tinder, it's much more fun

I met my DP online at 46 and had a few nice dates with other men before I met actually physically met him - but he was the first I actually responded to online because his pictures were smiley and he was active and he sounded funny, thoughtful and wasn't using corny chat up lines but sounded genuinely interested in ME. He found OLD much tougher than I did actually but tbf he also he'd been doing it for a few months longer.

I stayed away from the free sites and joined one my married friend recommended as she reckoned those paying the fee would be genuine and in that she was totally correct.

Hadn't a clue how to write a dating profile so had a look too at women's profiles to see which ones I responded to and which ones I'd gloss over; if I was a man.

The friend helped me sift the initial messages & dating profiles and she metaphorically had my back when out dating/we debriefed together! First meetings with dates were in the day, usually for coffee and cake.

I set myself a deadline of 3 months to at least try out my dating wings as the site was quite expensive and didn't want to waste my money or get too hurt if no dates materialised but as it turned out I could have been out every night of the week if I wanted, not because I'm beautiful, but simply because there are a lot of people out there looking for exactly what you are looking for OP.

@AngelGrinder

Well, I think that I am going to use it as a warm up for real life dating iyswim. See what I need to brush up on. There are men on there that I wouldn't normally meet and men I imagine I would like to meet so it is good for me to start talking with them (I probably wouldn't in real life).

I think, deep down I am very comfortable being on my own and some people are just like that. I love my independence and own company and have lots of projects and hobbies in mind. so, nothing really lost either way. I am amazed at how much work they put into their profile ads though. Kudos to them for putting so much out there.

@angelsgrindah which paid site did you join ?

Good idea Serenada. If you get a message just reply with a question about their day and also tell them something positive/upbeat or funny about yours, so they have something to work with, than just 'hi'.

If they respond in a similar vein, great! You can also then dip into their profile to dig deeper. And if they don't then nothing lost, you're practising! 😁

Practice makes perfect and the old adage of kissing frogs, eh?

We have to invent a new one for the digital age.

Having laughed with, commiserated with and been awed by friends using Tinder and PoF (and been a bit scared off!) I used Elite Singles. Dreadful name but friends said it hopefully would weed out more of the chancers, those wanting just a ONS (nothing wrong with that in itself but not what I was looking for) and more likely to find, like me, educated people wanting a LTR. And by and large it did do that. And I liked how the site worked- it felt very safe.

It''s not as populated as some sites and I don't live in a metropolis - my DP does live an hour away which for me isn't a problem, but might be for some. If Elite didn't work (I think I signed up for 3 months) I would have tried Match.

I am definitely more enthusiastic about it than I was initially. Not that I will meet someone specifically, more that it will get me used to the idea of dating and the nuances of that world.

I get what you mean though. It is strange that, in my mind, it seems wrong to actually put yourself out there like this. Yet, actually, it is more empowering to do so in many ways because you can assert the agenda and tone from the start.

Tinder makes me recoil in horror. Just the thought of it.

Most people in Match have profiles in POF. I used to get a lot of offers to match after free trials so I never paid the full amount that they asked for, at the end I didn’t bother with a match subscription, if I liked someone in Match I was mostly always able to find them in POF for free.

One word of warning about not so popular smaller OLD sites, the candidate pool is tiny and may be inexistent for your area. I was in Match Affinity for years and there were only three people there that were closer than 30 miles from me. Same with the Guardian Soulmates, I believe the people there sounded nicer and definitively more compatible with me BUT again, only 7 people and all of them considerably older than me, so maybe not worth the fee if you don’t live in a densely populated area.

yes, I saw that Guardian Soulmates are closing - they say they've become a very small fish in a very big pond.
serenada is that the site you wre trying? and if so which one will you be using now? I'm also scared on tinder, don't really know which site is good, with a range of people, but mostly after relationships.
Has anyone had success with the Encounters site (formerly owned by The Times)?

Bumble worked for me, you only get to talk to people if you both swipe right. Only women can initiate contact, which allows you to set up the way and type of conversation you want to have.