Meeting someone at 48

[Lazingonasunnyafternoon20]

Is it too late?

I don't think so but perhaps others think otherwise?

Am due to start a new job soon with plenty of potential to meet someone - moving to new area.

I still want a nice home and good lifestyle but at this age, broke and starting at the bottom again, today I am starting to wonder if its a dream rather than a realistic goal.

Do you put your real name and photo up on these sites? I am really nervous about doing this. I appreciate that the men have put themselves out there but I just feel putting a photo up is too revealing.

Avoid a site called Zoosk...absolutely awful, Match.com or Direct Dating are very good! Without a photo there's little point really, you can join and be a non paying member without much of a profile. Then study other peoples photos and profile information. It will help to build a profile and see how it all works.

@Raidblunner - well I put a pic up on GS - we'll have to see how it goes. My stomach is on the floor.

Noooo upwards & onwards, it's the way to go

Of course you are not too old.
Perhap's lower your expectation of OLD, yes, you will be new blood and get lots of attention at first...but it may lead somewhere and maybe it wont. Good luck and keep us updated.

I'm 58 and absolutely do not want another relationship. The menopause caused a severe allergy to men.

Never too old.

Met last year, I was 47, him 49.

What’s your relationship history / pattern OP?

What have you learnt about yourself?
What have you decided you that you need and want from a relationship?

@Gutterton

Nothing of significance, that's the thing. Very shy. Lots of male friends but no real relationships due to studying/working/caring/health problems. I bury myself in whatever I am doing.

What have I learnt about myself?

Well, going on friendships I know I am loyal and honest. Easy going but have very unrealistic expectations of myself which I am working on.

What have I decided I need and want from a relationship?

I need honesty, and faithfulness - no games or drama.
I want trust, companionship - real friendship - I want to really like the person for who they are. To build a future together, I suppose.

Am I ready?!

At 48 if you are not ready now you never will be.
I find it unusual that you have reached the age you have without a significant relationship ever being had?

I think you are ready, possibly a bit naive about relationship and men, but unless you try, you won;t learn. Just be careful as many on OLD aree not truthful - while honesty is you main criteria. Don't just go by what they say in profiles - meet up as son as poss and learn for yourself, also photos aer not always 'truthful'.

There are definitely good, hinest guys out there, but whether that's a majority - possibly not. I'd say give those a chance with non-insiriong photos but who yo get on in messaging, lots of honest men just seem to put aym old photo of themselves whether flattering or not as they don't want to deceive anyine in bigging tmemselves up (ditto profile descriptons might be too modest/brief). Just see how they aer in messages, and especially on dates asap.

@Raidblunner cool name, great story would love to hear more about how you bounced back, particularly the mortgage free bit in such a short space of time. If you would rather not share that's OK. Just interested!

sorry for typos, OP! was in a rush.

@crimsonlake

@CatAndHisKit I was overweight for a lot of my teens/20s and I think that knocked my confidence. I lost weight and then felt I had lost myself and didn't really know how to navigate my way so reverted to throwing myself into work.Come from quite a conservative, strict background, too. None of it a major problem as am always very happy with myself and own company but also shy and do think I should try now.

Yes, I'm aware I'm naive - perhaps too much for OLD so I will be guarded.

I was in a relationship of sorts someone who I think bedazzled me a bit. It took me a while to realise that I didn't actually like him as a person - he was charismatic, dynamic, blah blah but actually it was all too much. That was enough to keep me off anyone for a good 15 years. I am very happy in my own company, I have to say. Perhaps too much.

I’m 47 divorced with a little girl of 10 and live in London and find it easy to meet guys .😩
However, I’m 20 years over one night stands and not a push over or easily taken in so it’s very difficult to meet a genuine guy .lol

Actually, I'm going to rephrase that - I'm not naive - I just always had a good bullshit detector and I was very focused on my career. So, the decent ones were already taken or could sense I wasn't interested.

That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

I met my bloke in a pub when I was 48.
He is significantly younger than me though...no ex wife, no kids. All all going swimmingly. I am now 50.

How much younger? Go on, give us hope!

Is it eck! Or maybe just get lots of cats dogs and dressing gowns! Sorry I'm being distasteful haha go for it

Lazing that's great that you genuinely like your own company, it means there will be no desperation in meeting a man and that in inteslf should give you confidence (many women are desperate as just hate being single - recipe for disaster!). So in way you've noting to lose by trying but hope yo've learned not to get 'bedazzled' fast (haha) and actually listen carefully to the real person. My issue with OLD is that eerything is rushed and there is no usual gradual process of getting to know someone.

Many (most?) expect some 'action' after a few dates if there is any chemistry, and it becomes an awkward dance if you don't want to sleep with them yet (they then assume you don't fancy them - argh) - so be upfront in our profile and say you are not one to rush into things, and that you aer a loyal person, that would put off all the 'sweet shop' guys. There will be someone like you out there, hopefully won't take long to find him! you do need a bit of luck.

saw you update re being naive - but sounds like it' more work-related, you were a bit naive to get bedazzled, and also if you think there is a lot of honesty on OLD, but as I said, have learned, I'm sure and now will be careful.

@CatAndHisKit

Yes, that is always a bit of an elephant in the room with me as I am not interested in something casual. I am quite straight about saying that and not prepared to compromise as I really find it all a huge effort when I could be chilling at home with my own thoughts, reading, with friends and family. I don't perceive anything is missing as such. I also have a best friend in the same boat and quite a few close friends who are single.

I think that's a good position to be going in at - in a way I 'm not really looking for something intense and serious now - rather something that might just grow into the kind of loyalty and love that you would have for someone you care for.

I met the love of my life on Guardian soulmates at 48 - I was only on there a day!- still together (I'm 50 in a few weeks) and we're both talking about marriage. I was widowed in my mid-40s and had given up on finding my 'soulmate' - but there he was!