I saw him in bed with someone else.

[DuckingHeckers]

My husband.
We broke up for 18 months and have got back together.
He saw someone a few times.

Once I went to his and saw them together.

I have really, really low self confidence. Have had kids. Am very, very overweight due to emotional eating and medication

She... well, was the complete opposite of me. Very slim, blonde, younger, no kids so no sagging or stretchmarks.

I find it hard when we have sex to relax. I keep seeing his hands on her tiny waist.

We've talked and he's reassured me but the image is there. Burned into my mind.

I've always felt like I'm not good enough. And now I think he's had a proper woman and he has to go back to me.

I'm trying to lose weight but I'll still have stretched out skin, sagging breasts, extreme overhang (not a cut pooch. A full apron of skin)

I just feel so shit.

I know not many people will have seen their husband with another woman so probably not asking for experiences but maybe a way to build my confidence? :(

You would be happier single. This relationship isnt bringing you happiness.

How so Goddess?

It's my perception of myself that's not bringing me happiness.

Not my wonderful, supportive husband

Well, if you werent in a couple, you wouldnt be tormented by all these thoughts.

Being single is often much easier.

Do you have an anxious / insecure attachment style?
Check out brianna mcwilliams on youtube. Also alan robarge. They are both very good. I have listened to a lot of their clips and it helps to be more relaxed when you are in a relationship

OP it’s really sad that you compare yourself to this woman. It must have been devastating to see what you saw.
Let me tell you I’m single right now but I have a couple of ex’s I can relate to your situation (kind of).
Ex 1 - together only a few weeks, a lot older than me and looked it. Shorter than me, slimmer than me. I felt like a giant next to him frankly. BUT funny, kind, generous and still one of my best friends.
Ex 2 - Together a year. Very very very good looking (I’d fancied him at school, met back up in my 40s. Tall, muscular, fit. Vain, drained every ounce of my emotional energy with his ‘issues’, uses people, thinks he’s gods gift and his opinion overrules everyone else’s.

One of these 2 I haven’t spoken to in nearly 3 years. The other I speak to every week and always look forward to that.

What I’m saying is that love (in my opinion) is nothing to do with the classic perception of who is and who is not ‘good looking’. It’s not to do with height, weight etc. It’s so much more than that. My ex 2 had model looks but looking back, inside he was ugly. Your OH and you came back together because you love each other. He’s absolutely not thinking about sex with that woman so why should you. I know that’s easy for me to say but I hope it can help

Yeah being a single mum to 4 kids with health issues is going to be easier than having a loving partner. Just Becaus ei have self esteem issues.

Crazy

OP ignore the idiots telling you to break up with him. Classic Mumsnet full of man hating women telling you to end your marriage because your husbands a dick despite doing nothing wrong.

It’s easy for us to sit here and say “forget that image” because it’s easier said than done. Nobody wants to see their partner with somebody else!

I don’t have much advice I’m afraid. Your husband doesn’t sound bad at all, he clearly loves you and finds you attractive. He doesn’t have to be with you, he clearly had the opportunity to be with a slimmer woman (your words) yet he’s still chosen to be with you. It’s not just because you’re the mother to his kids, it’s because he loves you and wants to be with you.

If you aren’t happy with your weight then start to lose it. Do it for yourself, for your own self esteem. I can’t comment on the other woman because I don’t know her nor has she done anything wrong, but there’s far more to keeping a man/woman than being slim and toned.

If you aren’t happy with your weight then start to lose it. Do it for yourself, for your own self esteem.

This. OP, I'm weighing in again as you are clearly distressed and beating up on yourself, even tho you have a good bod that just needs a little shaking.
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Marriages in RL are much more complicated than are depicted in fantasy, movie, literary or otherwise. Your DH has chosen to be with you. It's up to you to choose the sort of woman you want to be, and this ideal needs to be what you decide. If you want to be athletic, you know what you have to do.

BTW, I want to get back to ballet classes again. I don't need to be an Olympian, but I do want to boogie. Join me?

Agh! Sorry, dunno how all that code got mixed in.

Ballet? 😭😂

Or do you mean exercise in general

You have a lot of very negative and self-critical voices going in in your head; you need to address these before you can allow yourself to believe that your husband wants you and loves you for who you are, irrespective of your weight. Start paying attention to them, when they arise, what they say, how they make you feel, where they originated and then you need to challenge them and keep challenging them. Your distorted thinking is limiting the joy you might otherwise be feeling. It sounds as if your self-destructive voices kick in strongly at the point of sex i.e. when we are most intimate with our partners so that is a good starting point in coming to a greater awareness of your relationship with yourself. I've seen plenty of men who are tender and loving to larger women and plenty of men who are horrible to slim women.

I've just had a massive binge and purge
I was doing so well. I don't even know why
I'm trying to figure it out and I just don't know why I self sabotage

You're overeating in order to stuff down your emotions. Dieting won't work because you have an unhealthy relationship with food. The 'binge purge' cycle is a sign of an eating disorder and eating disorders aren't cured by 'diets'.

You need therapy and emotional support, not diet books.

There's an organisation called Beat that you might find helpful.

However you choose to go about this, I wish you all the best.