I saw him in bed with someone else.

[DuckingHeckers]

My husband.
We broke up for 18 months and have got back together.
He saw someone a few times.

Once I went to his and saw them together.

I have really, really low self confidence. Have had kids. Am very, very overweight due to emotional eating and medication

She... well, was the complete opposite of me. Very slim, blonde, younger, no kids so no sagging or stretchmarks.

I find it hard when we have sex to relax. I keep seeing his hands on her tiny waist.

We've talked and he's reassured me but the image is there. Burned into my mind.

I've always felt like I'm not good enough. And now I think he's had a proper woman and he has to go back to me.

I'm trying to lose weight but I'll still have stretched out skin, sagging breasts, extreme overhang (not a cut pooch. A full apron of skin)

I just feel so shit.

I know not many people will have seen their husband with another woman so probably not asking for experiences but maybe a way to build my confidence? :(

Oooompa.

Wow well done. That's amazing.

And Thankyou for the lovely message.

Thank you, such a cliche but really, if I can do it anyone can 😅

Just say what you mean & don't be getting annoyed with us for not reading between the lines.

Anyway best of luck!

So when I said I slept with someone else you mean I should have said I slept with a woman? Why would that be relevant? Why is 'someone' not enough information?

Reading between the lines?
How much clearer could it be? Unless you're someone who believes in 27 genders invlusing fairy unicorn. For the record I've never slept with a fairy unicorn 😁

Oooompa I hear that so much.

I love to be the one to say it one day!

@walksonthebeach the eye roll was a bit much.... if you assumed she could only possibly have slept with a Male then that's based your assumptions and nothing to do with OP.
OP you know this is your stuff and nothing to do with your hubby. You don't have to lose X amount of stones.... you just have to like yourself again.
I have suffered with eating disorders in the past so I try to follow accounts on Instagram that only promote body positivity and unfollowed anyone who made me feel bad (these ppl aren't doing anything bad it's just how they made ME feel). I consciously don't read any gossip columns that shame women for cellulite or weight gain or those that gush about a women for weight loss. EG the recent conversations around Adele have been quite damaging to some ppl.
Try to think of all the amazing things your body has done for you (eg growing beautiful babies) and do what you can to shut out the negative thoughts and eventually you will see the version of yourself that your husband sees. Which is beautiful, kind, funny, sexy etc.

You're so right yecats.

I need to switch my thinking around.

I can't make positive changes if I'm so negative about what I am able to achieve.

I follow lots of weightloss pages but I guess they could just be adding to the pressure and expectations, even subconsciously.

I might restart a new insta with just body positive pages.

OP,I’ve just read this thread and your latest posts and I wonder if your sexuality is the issue here.

you say you had a relationship with another woman while you were separated from your H. Was this part of the reason for you splitting because you wanted to explore those feelings and attractions to women?

As someone who is attracted to women you would then look at another woman in a different light because to you she wouldn’t only be the husband’s gf but would potentially have sexual assets to you as well. So perhaps you’re not only thinking that your husband must not find you attractive but that other women wouldn’t either?

Thankyou everyone for all the positive tips btw.

No that's nothing to do with why we split.

I fancy women but not skinny ones. I like women bigger than me, ironically so she was never someone I would be attracted to at all.

On a side note this is why I said someone instead of woman because I knew they're would be some derailing over the fact I slept with a woman. If it was a man there wouldn't be an eye blink.

But because it's a woman people think I don't want my husband etc...

People can be bi and be happily married :)

Yes definitely unfollow the weight loss/fitness pages for some people they can be really inspirational but for others (like me) they just feed negative self image and since most photos are facetuned to within an inch of their existance it's just promoting an unrealistic goal.

I am Irish so a lot of Irish accounts but i really like the journalist Louise ONeill, Dj and author Louise McSharry, Lizzo (of course) and This Mama Doodles (she's an awesome artist and mum).
There are loads of others that might resonate more with you but just follow those who make you feel good and unfollow anyone who makes you feel inferior or less than.

I can relate to the putting on loads of weight due to medication and depression then not being the woman that I know my dh desires but is basically stuck with me. I have basically given up even if I did lose the weight I still would feel not good enough. I just have learned to live with it as well as my illness and side effects of the medication which is hard enough.
It's easy to tell someone who has a medical condition to just go and do excercise as it releases the feel good hormone. It's not as easy as that. Do slimming world , it costs a fortune. I've done weight watchers in the past and it did work but if my head isn't in the right place mentally then it just isn't going to work.
Its hard to feel motivated when we have so much on our plate all the time.
I'm sorry I have no answers for you as I'm struggling myself.
As for people telling you not to sit around in PJ's all the time you do you, I have taking to sitting round in leggings and comfy pants, because of my illness everything else I wear is just uncomfortable.
I know it's not much help but my husband has told me and someone else I confided in told me that my husband is with me because he loves me and he could of been with other woman etc he obviously doesn't mind you in your PJ's and has seen you at your worst and is still beside you. I find it hard to believe when I'm told this but deep down I know it's true and you know it's true, it just where our mind is at over takes the rational thoughts.
I know you said you slept with another person which wasn't a man.
Does your husband know this ? As I think despite us being split up if my dh slept with someone of the same sex , this would make me feel insecure because then I would think do they want the best of both worlds do they want a relationship more with a man / woman or me And even though you would reassure me that you want the relationship with me , I would have doubts about this. Just like you have doubts that your dh wants you instead of another woman who you think looks better than you.

I hope eventually you get to where you want to be and in a better place .

Yes. She was my girlfriend for 6 months.
They got along great.

It doesn't phase him. We've had plenty of in depth, soul baring discussions and not once has he ever brought up the fact it was a woman rather than a man.

I've always been openly bisexual. From 14 years old.

When primark opens I might get some leggings and tops, just so I have something to change into

Hi OP can I ask how much you want to loose?
I'm currently looking at about 2 stone which might be less or more than you so I know it might not be relatable but I've been watching the Pick Up Limes channel on YouTube.
I love Sadia and the way she talks about food and the relationship with food. It's been keeping me motivated and revising my approach to eating and I've even made a couple of her recipes (hello homemade Nutella!) and they're brilliant.

She talks about how there's no "bad" foods just "more often and less often" foods. You've had lots of advice on here so I didn't want to write an essay but I generally like some of the content on YouTube and thought I'd recommend something you might find useful for a bit of distraction and inspiration maybe.

6 stone :(

I'll check it out. Thanks

Have ordered The Binge Code from Amazon. It has really good reviews

@duckingheckers
be kind to yourself.

you are overweight - so what. thinness in woman is overrated anyway - it is our societies measurement of women's obedience.
thin-ness is a full time job, its so much effort. fuck it.

and funny - thinness it is expected of the 50% of humankind that has the biggest hormonal changes over their lifetime, builds entire human beings in their bodies.

just look at your weight as an act of revolution against bullshit expectations.

focus on getting on top of your depression. challenge your self believes. don't focus on your weight. that will come after you changed your self believes.

Tiger there's a difference between societies perception of over weight (a size 12 woman getting stick in a paper for example) and someone who is a size 22.

Im not only fat but I'm dangerously unhealthy.

Letting myself slowly die or diatebetes in the future or some other weight related illness is not rebellion. It's selfish.

I appreciate the sentiment and I don't want to be a size 8.

A 14 would be amazing.

But this, what I am now, is not how I want to live my life. Or have my kids think is acceptable. It really isn't.

I get out of breath climbing the stairs at 33 years old fgs.

@DuckingHeckers sure you are right. definitely look after your health.

but I just think fixing your weight and your depression all in one is a such a challenging undertaking that i would focus in my mental health first.

To overcome depression thats such a hard path, it's not easy. I spent pretty much a year lying on a sofa because i couldn't get up for depression. that was SO hard to get out of.

thats why i'm suggesting to tackle one thing after the other. there is no point to beat yourself up about your weight whilst you depend on pills that make you gain weight.

oh and you said you are selfish, again - such hard words.

ah sorry you said the behaviour is selfish - thats different of course.

*as in, the behaviour, not you as a person