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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How does everyone feel about p0rn?

632 replies

warmsummersday · 17/09/2007 19:58

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

OP posts:
kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 22:03

If normas argument is becoming dull, then why do you keep contradicting yourself by saying

"just because you view certain acts in a certain way, doesn't mena your view is shared by others"

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:04

Perhaps SWC, as you don't seem to want to listen to my feelings on the subject, you could explain exactly what is humiliating about it. I'd love to actually here you explain it, since you don't seem to have any reasoning behind you're opinion. I'm saying that it's not humiliating because I don't feel humiliated when I take part in it or afterwards. Perhaps you can explain on what you base your opinion that it is humiliating.

smallwhitecat · 19/09/2007 22:05

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Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 22:06

SWC - can you please explain to me why it is humiliating to do something i want to and enjoy doing?

I'm genuinely interested cause I cannot understand the logic in that. And sorry if you already have but i just skimmed thread to catch up.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:06

Actually I don't think KHIN has ever said that you don't find it humiliating, she's just tried to explain to you that not all women see it that way.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:08

I don't speak for womankind as a whole...however some of you have done so.

kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 22:13

I was saying in YOUR words SWC, that just because you see bum fucking as "degrading" doesn' actually mean that it is!

The rest of the world outside mn land has different oppions on evething (including bumfucking porn or what ever) so we are neith right or wrong, and my dear that also includes you.

So you can preach till you are blue in the face that porn is degrading, wrong or just plain funny, but the truth of the matter is that prehaps it is to you but to us (and i am guessing alot of other men and women) it is a prefectly "normal".

BeenThereDoneItSeenIt · 19/09/2007 22:17

I have posed and been filmed in my past. I did it for the money at the time and so did lots of other girls. we were not ripped off and no body forced any of us to do it. Like most young women we had Uni bills etc to pay. you are wrong on that score. i just hope that any films of me never end up on here as it will be difficult to explain to any partners.

DrNortherner · 19/09/2007 22:17

I think the British can often have a strange reaction to women who enjoy sex and porn.

Sex does not have to be all lovey and romantic. Sex can be fast, hard, and down right dirty. Some people prefer that way, personally I love it that way. With my dh of course, not random men!

What annoys me is other women saying what is and what's not humiliating. Everyone is different, with different likes and dislikes.

My dh looks at porn and still manages to respect me. The 2 are not mutialy exclusive. And it's not because we have an ailing sex life - quite the opposite.

kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 22:18

So beenthere etc are you now ashamed of what you did?

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:20

That's my point DrN, that some people may find it humiliating but others don't.

By smallwhitecat on Wed 19-Sep-07 20:45:28
norma, I'm sorry, but just cos you like it doesn't mean it's not degrading. I think what you are really saying is that you like being degraded, let's be honest, and that's fine. But equally, for many women it's not, and many (like me) would have grave concerns about a man who wanted to behave in that way, or enjoyed watching women being treated in that way.

SWC refuses to accept that I am not degrading myself purely because she thinks what I do is humiliating and degrading.

smallwhitecat · 19/09/2007 22:20

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kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 22:24

HOW DOES IT HAVE A HUMILIATING NATURE????
to you it does, but we don't think it does, so I feel on this we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:24

"Note I am not saying that just because wider society views certain private acts in a certain way means you should be prevented from engaging in them. What i am saying is that it is nonsense to claim your enjoyment of those acts somehow eradicates the prevailing consensus as to their nature."

The above implies that you think wider society views anal sex as humiliating and degrading. You seem to be widely generalising now.

Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 22:26

But i dont think you would be being humiliated if someone spat in your face and you enjoyed it. Humiliation is something you feel, if you do not feel it then it does not exist in that situation surely

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:27

Indeed Pesha, good point.

DrNortherner · 19/09/2007 22:27

Surely you can only be humiliated if you don't consent to something (ie stranger spitting on you in the street) I would say if you consent to anal sex you have discussed it first.

kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 22:30

Well i think that at the moment on this thread the wider society thinks that it is alrigh and not degrading, hence the fact that LWC want to put this to bed.

A victory to all you filthy cow's out there

smallwhitecat · 19/09/2007 22:31

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octoandflash · 19/09/2007 22:32

LMAO

I think Nutty needs a new acronym FUTA to avoid shocking folk! Answers on a postcard ....

Is FUTA porn or just part of sex life? I think if your boundaries are wider (literally guffaw) then you will do a bit of FUTA - also the same goes for filming.

Have only ever seen a porn film away on a dirty weekend with dh and it wasn't that exciting tbh! I think you can get ideas to spice up your sex life - personally, I like wearing sexy underwear and boots etc Not weirdo stuff - just kinky!

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:33

What wider society thinks doesn't matter to me or my enjoyment of anal sex. However the fact that you presume this is the case and base most of your argument on that presumption interests me. If it were the "accepted norm" would you then not find it humiliating?

smallwhitecat · 19/09/2007 22:33

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nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 22:36

SWC, I'd really like to know on what you make your basis that it's humiliating. Is it just purely how you feel society views it?

smallwhitecat · 19/09/2007 22:38

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Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 22:39

Ok (and I'm sorry if this isnt the best way of making my point but I'm tired and should really be in bed!) say I'm that hypnotist bloke and I do the thing where I stop someone from feeling pain and I pass a needle through the back of their hand and they feel no pain. Now society would look at that and say no anaesthetic that MUST hurt. So by your rules he does feel pain, it must hurt. Even if he doesnt personally feel the pain he IS being hurt.