Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How does everyone feel about p0rn?

632 replies

warmsummersday · 17/09/2007 19:58

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

OP posts:
nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:49

Lots of people get ideas about what they'd like from masturbating, do you do that Elizabetth?

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:52

"There is no other industry apart from prostitution (and they are so closely intertwined, it's difficult to separate them) that uses women's bodies as commodities. "
Are you kidding me!
There are so many industrys where womens bodies are used as commodities

cestlavie · 20/09/2007 17:58

Elizabetth: actually, it does, and there's plenty of cases if you bothered checking. But given your sensibilities about discussing things based on fact, let me re-phrase it for you.

Coercion does NOT mean people doing they don't like to do. People feel obliged to do things they'd rather not do for many reasons. A woman might be in a porn film to put food on the table for her kid. She might in a porn film because her agent has told her it's the only way she'll ever get into proper films. A woman might even be in a porn film because her bloke has said that he'll leave her if she doesn't do it because they need the money. (Not be very nice, but hardly coercion). Hell, she might even do it cos she enjoys it but I imagine that's a pointless discussion to have with you.

I suspect your view is based on the very personal and subjective view that "I cannot imagine how I would do these things without someone making me" rather than a slightly more objective one.

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 18:01

I actually have a problem with people doing things they would rather not do if they were :

  1. given enough money to live on
  2. decent rehab programes to get them off addictive drugs

I realise this is not the strictly legal definition of coercion (thanks for making that legally clear) - I do think there is a BIG GAP (grey area) between coercion and informed consent.

cestlavie · 20/09/2007 18:04

LFC: yes, that's a pretty fair point but is, I think, a broader reflection on the failings of society which means people have to do things that they either don't want to do or are illegal.

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 18:19

It definitely is reflected in society - totally agree.

I was only reading the other day about the pay gap between men and women not going to be closed til 2080 !

Porn has just exploded in the last 30 years (massively in the last 10 cos of the internet). Totally unregulated and the porn itself gets more......(can't use the word the degraded).....harder??

I worked in Family Protection Team for the police authority once - hardest thing I ever did. We kept track of how much and how hard the stuff was that is available.

One statistic - wish i could forget it (and apologies for it being graphic) is that we internet searched on how many references there were to double anal penetration (in about 1999) - by the time I left in 2001 references increased by 1500%

So what I am saying is that I guess in the 1970's when I was a kid and came across my parents porn collection - it was really fucking tame compared to the stuff out there now.

And I don't think that's a good thing - it desensitises us this continuous exposure to harder stuff.

Forgive me, I've not seen anything for years - there really isn't a lot of stuff anymore (like the 70's) where it was just a couple having sex and grinning into camera.

madamez · 20/09/2007 18:24

I have probably watched more porn than the rest of you put together and can assert from a position of actually knowing what I am talking about that:
There is not one monolithic model or 'message' of porn: there is straight porn, gay porn, romantic porn, fetish porn, stuff with a storyline, stuff that's just a collection of scenes, films made by members of swingers' clubs, films made by people who want to make some kind of political statement about sexuality. SOme films feature women submitting to men, some films feature men submitting to women. Some scenarios involve several women with one man, some several men with one women, some involve an individual performing alone, perhaps with the aid of sex toys. Hardly 'all the same'.

ALso, the suggestion that all men'ssexuality is a 'monkey see, monkey do' behavioural pattern is not only insulting but utter nonsense.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 18:29

Ah Madamez, you seem to have forgotten "I gave birth a few months ago and still have a bit of a baby belly" porn...is there amarket for that too???

I'm still trying to get Elizabetth to explain why she insists on insulting MEN so much.

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 19:22

I'm not insulting men. Not all men use pornography, although I'm sure it makes it easier to accept your partners' use of it if you pretend that they do.

"Coercion does NOT mean people doing they don't like to do. People feel obliged to do things they'd rather not do for many reasons. A woman might be in a porn film to put food on the table for her kid. She might in a porn film because her agent has told her it's the only way she'll ever get into proper films. A woman might even be in a porn film because her bloke has said that he'll leave her if she doesn't do it because they need the money. (Not be very nice, but hardly coercion). Hell, she might even do it cos she enjoys it but I imagine that's a pointless discussion to have with you.

I suspect your view is based on the very personal and subjective view that "I cannot imagine how I would do these things without someone making me" rather than a slightly more objective one."

Hah, you just describe a whole lot of coercive practices and then tell me coercion doesn't exist. Do you actually read what you write?

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 19:26

"Although now you mention it, things like double penetration, anal sex, facials etc have definitely increased because men have seen them in porn and wanted to try it out on their partners (monkey see, monkey do).
" is insulting to men.

DrNortherner · 20/09/2007 19:27

Why do we have to believ all men look at porn to accept our men looking at it?

It's not hard for me to accept. We have a fab sex life, love each other and are faithful.

OK, some men may not use porn, but they might go out with the boys and see other women and fatasise and joke with their mates.

Men who don't look at porn will say they don't because their partners don't like it.

Policing peoples thoughts and fantasies? I don't think that's right.

I'm always curious how the anti porn women would deal with finding a stash belonginging to their teenage son, cause it's bound to happen....

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 19:27

Some people work in crappy minimum wage jobs to put food on the table for their kids...would you call that coersion too??? I'm sure they'd love to stay at home.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 19:29

I don't for one minute think ALL men use porn. I think there's a wide variety of preferences out there. It's a shame you have to suggest that because I have a different preference to you that I'm being degraded.

madamez · 20/09/2007 20:41

Perhaps pertinent to include this on here: a petition to improve the safety of sex workers, have a look at this

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 20:57

Signed it

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 20:58

signed it

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:10

hmmm.
i look at porn myself, a lot.
i really like it and dh really likes that i look at it.
it doesn't mean he isn't my number 1 person who i want to shag, it just means, i don't know, i like looking at other people have sex? i don't know. i just like it. don't worry about it.

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:12

laurie fairy cake - double anal penetrattion?????
as in two willys up the bum at the same time?????
ouch .,

DrNortherner · 20/09/2007 22:07

I think it's anal and vaginal at the same time....

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 20/09/2007 22:23

Porn does nothing for me.Most of it is too graphic for me and anything anal just makes me feel sick.

I would not watch it with dh as it would prob turn me off or make me laugh but I dont have a problem if he wants to watch it.

I would have a problem if he brought stuff into the house in case dd came across it or if I thought he was watching anything dodgy which in my mind covers most things some people find normal? (anal and so on)

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 20/09/2007 22:25

ps

whats a facial?

12lbnaturally · 20/09/2007 22:30

I would rather my OH look at porn and have a good tug on his todger then go off for a night out and shag some bird outside the pub.
I don't think there is anything wrong with it, as long as it is in private, and away from kids.

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 23:05

Nope, that's double entry.

I really did mean double anal.

Do a search on google you'll see what I mean (actually I don't mean 'see', for goodness sake don't look)

It's just got harder and harder pornography - it's only going one way people......

off to bed, have to get up at six to listen to men wanking (not joking), got a Samaritans shift, more than half are sex calls

Lovely jubbly.

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 23:08

I realise my last post sounded jaded. Just realistic unfortunately.

10 years ago it was people in distress, now it's wankers.

And I think this focus on sex in society (shown in the calls to a suicide/distress call service) is unhealthy and that the availablility of pornography has contributed to just such a sex obsession.

madamez · 20/09/2007 23:26

LFC do you really think that society as a whole was better when sex was a forbidden topic? You know, those days when people used to kill themselves because they were gay, or pregnant outside of marriage, and women submitted to penetration without foreplay, gritting their teeth and thinking of England becasue any suggestion that something might be done to help them enjoy marital sex was a sure sign that they were insane nymphomaniacs who needed to have their clitorises burned off with hot wires?