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Original poster

How does everyone feel about p0rn?

632 replies

warmsummersday · 17/09/2007 19:58

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

OP posts:
nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:13

Actually I think more women that you realise would do porn. I'd happily get paid to fuck a bloke on camera.

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:13

"If my dh looked at porn my opinion of him would plummet. In fact I don't think I could love him if he did - it's just so pathetic."

Well let's hope you never find out that your dh is a "normal" man with "normal" urges.

And why is it pathetic exactly?

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:14

So why don't you?

And if all these women are so willing, why is it the pornographers have to use coercive and manipulative tactics?

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:15

Blousy, you may not like porn. Your dh might not like porn either. You both may feel it's pathetic...fine, don't watch it. I enjoy it and my dh is fine with me watching it. I don't think it's pathetic but that's my opinion.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:16

Well I would do porn if anyone was interested. Perhaps if there are any producers out there who are interested in hiring me they could get in touch????

So, Elizabetth, you didn't answer me...does your dh coerce you into having sex with him?

cestlavie · 20/09/2007 17:17

Elizabett: you are (I hope) willfully misunderstanding 'consensual' and 'consent'. The facts that they may not enjoy it or indeed may feel pressure to do it does not mean they do not consent. There is a large body of case law on this, in particular on sexual consent.

If you are suggesting that there is criminal coercion which negates this consent (e.g. if you don't do this I'll shoot you) then that is clearly a criminal offence, however, as you know this is rare in the legitimate porn industry.

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:18

"Porn wouldn't exist without coercion"

So your telling me that only porn comes up with the sexual acts that go on nowdays? there would always be porn because people have sex in different ways, some film it maybe even show it to thier friend or various lovers and maybe even put it on the net for other people to see, so it would always be there without coercion.
There are people out there who choose to become porn stars and like doing what they do hey don't HAVE to be coerced into anything.

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:25

"The facts that they may not enjoy it or indeed may feel pressure to do it does not mean they do not consent."

Oh well at least we're getting down the reality of what it's like for women in the porn industry - allowing things to be done to them and pretending that they like it in order that the audience can get off, with a goodly bit of pressure from the pimpographers thrown in to make sure they do it.

Could someone remind me what this has to do with healthy sexuality again? Because like I said already it sounds a whole lot more like the Victorian "lie back and think of England" approach than anything liberating for women.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:27

Like I've said, I'd be willing to do those things. I wouldn't need to be coerced. I also think many women out there wouldn't need to be coerced. Including many of those working in the porn industry.

So does your dh coerce you into having sex?

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:29

"lie back and think of England"

more like lie back and think of the money

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:29

"So your telling me that only porn comes up with the sexual acts that go on nowdays?"

No I didn't say that. I said that pornographers need to use coercion or they wouldn't be able to get most of the women in porn to do what they want on film. Although now you mention it, things like double penetration, anal sex, facials etc have definitely increased because men have seen them in porn and wanted to try it out on their partners (monkey see, monkey do).

"there would always be porn because people have sex in different ways, some film it maybe even show it to thier friend or various lovers and maybe even put it on the net for other people to see, so it would always be there without coercion."

Yeah, if you actually read what I wrote, you'll see I said that pornography probably wouldn't disappear without coercion, it just wouldn't be the huge industry it is at the moment.

"There are people out there who choose to become porn stars and like doing what they do hey don't HAVE to be coerced into anything."

You keep telling yourself that. I'm sure it'll make it easier for you to view porn with a clear conscience.

cestlavie · 20/09/2007 17:29

Elizabetth: actually, no, I was summarising your rationale for what you wrongly term "coercion". There is an entirely different debate to have on whether they enjoy it/ why women are in the industry but I was choosing to simply correct you on your misunderstanding of what you call "coercion".

blousy · 20/09/2007 17:31

nappynuttynormabutty - I see your point. I don't really have a problem with porn but I have to confess that I look down my nose at blokes that are into it. And kneehigh, my dh is a normal man but he's got depth and intelligence and wouldn't get off looking at a picture of a complete stranger with her legs splayed.
I'm sorry I think I'm sounding uptight and I'm really not, but in my marriage it just doesn't play a part.

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:31

I didn't misunderstand coercion. You take a very legalistic narrow view of coercion - basically if it can't be proved in court a woman wasn't coerced. As it's almost impossible to prove rape in court, your concept of coercion is useless to women and doesn't actually reflect their experiences.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:33

"Although now you mention it, things like double penetration, anal sex, facials etc have definitely increased because men have seen them in porn and wanted to try it out on their partners (monkey see, monkey do)."

That's very insulting to MEN. Do you have a problem with men Elizabetth?

Personally I'd do any of those things. I'd ask dh to do those things. I'd love to do them, not because that's what is in porn but because I'd like them. I don't get all my ideas from porn. I had anal sex before I'd watched porn. Some men do get ideas from porn, not a crime to get ideas from 2 consenting adults to use with your consenting partner.

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:33

Blousy I wasn't trying to imply that your dh was not normal, personally I don't think there is such a thing as NORAML it is mearly other peoples point of view.

minorityrules · 20/09/2007 17:34

"double penetration, anal sex, facials etc "

you think porn invented these things?

We get you don't like it but come on, you can't generalise about all porn

There are bad bits and good bits, just like every other industry out there

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:35

Blousy, that is fair enough. I have said earlier (I appreciate it's a long thread!) that if that's what suits a couple then that's fine.

cestlavie · 20/09/2007 17:42

Elizabetth: "my" view of coercion is not entirely unique, being shared by most European governments and judiciaries and actually even the European Court on Human Rights, which, believe it or not, does have a fleeting interest in women's rights.

Your view, on the other hand, seems to be based on very personal and subjective outlook.

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:43

"you think porn invented these things?"

Well if it didn't invent them it certainly popularised them and is promoting them to people who would have never heard of or even imagined such a thing.

Porn isn't like any other industry. There is no other industry apart from prostitution (and they are so closely intertwined, it's difficult to separate them) that uses women's bodies as commodities.

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 17:45

You just named a whole lot of legal institutions cestlavie. Like I said, yours is a narrow legalistic outlook.

The law does not protect women when it comes to coercion in sex so why you are using it as an authority is beyond me.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:45

the film industry, tv shows, fashion, magazines....

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:46

advertising

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 17:48

You seem to be ignoring my questions. Do you have a problem with MEN, you seem to have insulted them rather a lot on this thread. Does your dh coerce you?

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 17:48

"Well if it didn't invent them it certainly popularised them "

So your telling me that no one has had an original thought about anything sexual with out seeing it in porn?

It is only more popular now becasue it is more widly avalible (thanks to the net) and obviously not in your world but it is not so much of a taboo now to talk about sex and experiment.