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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How does everyone feel about p0rn?

632 replies

warmsummersday · 17/09/2007 19:58

Hi. Im feeling abit insecure at the mo, OH works away in the week and all I can think about for the past couple of weeks is porn and I don't like the idea of him looking at it. I don't know why. Obviuosly I know he looks at it, just like everyother tom dick and harry! I have some but for me to look at it is fine in my head. Can someone reasure me and make me feel better please?

OP posts:
Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 23:45

Elizabetth noone is suggesting that at all you are trying to make it appear so to make your point but you are, im afraid talking bollocks.

Elizabetth · 19/09/2007 23:47

You know one of the big words that is bandied about in these sort of conversations is CONSENT, like "consent" makes it OK for men to do whatever they feel like to a woman - as long as they can persuade her to "consent" it's OK.

Now Norma, I've told you I think anal sex is degrading and humiliating yet you and others keep badgering me that I should try it. Is that what happened to you? Did your no finally get persuaded into a "yes" under pressure?

I think if someone says they aren't interested in something you should respect that instead of hammering away at it. I'm certainly not telling you never to have anal sex again, just commenting on mine and society at large's opinion of it.

Just to add, this part of the conversation started out as a general discussion. It was some people who insisted that it get personal and to be honest, it's gone downhill since then.

kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 23:48

Ever so sorry it seem as though I do have it wrong about the womans g spot up th arse,I hold my hand up I am wrong.
But I don't take it up the arse so i really wouldn't know.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 23:50

Well Elizabetth I keep telling you that it was me who WANTED to have anal sex. I was not persuaded or coerced or nagged into doing it. Why do you feel the need to imply that because I partake in anal sex I must have been brainwashed or forced into it? I simply enjoy it. I've done it with a number of partners, I have never been forced to do it.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 19/09/2007 23:51

"Is that what happened to you? Did your no finally get persuaded into a "yes" under pressure?"

no, as you'll find in several posts, Norma suggested it to her DH.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 23:51

As for CONSENT, if a woman doesn't want to do something (or a man for that matter) she shouldn't do it, regardless of what their partner says.

Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 23:53

Elizabetth - why is it your view that it is always men doing things to women, women badgered into consent? You seem to view women as being very weak willed, vulnerable victims.

kneehighinnappies · 19/09/2007 23:53

You asked us about our porn. what we were watching etc.........

I don't take it up the arse but I don't see it as degrading, I don't see any part of sex degrading as Long as you are ENJOYING what you are doing, not being forced or MADE to do anything, like pesha said "Humiliation is something you feel"
It is not something other people think you should be feeling.

It all depends on the preson.

Elizabetth · 19/09/2007 23:55

Because we never hear about men "consenting" to women. That's not my framing that's how society at large (and porn) views it.

Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 23:55

And if a women is coerced into sying yes then that is not genuine consent is it? I think when we say consent you should take it as read that we mean actual genuine, willing consent.

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 23:56

Well, once again I will say it...I asked dh for anal sex...he consented...

Am feeling very repetative...

Peshasofeight · 19/09/2007 23:56

I'll ask again - Have you watched much porn?

nappynuttynormabutty · 19/09/2007 23:58

I often initiate sex. Usually by saying "dh, I'd like to fuck your brains out" or something along those lines...he says "yeah lets go for it" or something along those lines...I'd consider that being him giving me CONSENT

Lauriefairycake · 19/09/2007 23:58

I'm having a problem with the word ENJOYING here.

Just cos someone enjoys cigarettes doesn't mean its good for you.

Just becuase Thai prostitutes aged 10 smile and say "I love you long time" doesn't mean they are enjoying it.

Some people enjoy hurting other people doesn't make it right.

I query ENJOY as being a valid reason to do something sexually. For all I know I could get off on bestiality - doesn't mean I should do it

Elizabetth · 19/09/2007 23:59

Yup I have. That's why I know what it's like. It took me a while to wake up to its woman-hating content (because we are brainwashed into thinking that porn is sexy and liberating), but once you realise that's what it's about you can't go back.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 20/09/2007 00:00

If something is illegal then no, enjoying it does not make it ok

but yes, enjoying smoking is a valid reason for doing it (i am a non-smoker btw)

and porn is not illegal

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 00:00

"Just cos someone enjoys cigarettes doesn't mean its good for you"

Doesn't mean that them having a cigarett is degrading them either

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 00:00

Having sex with under aged children is not illegal in some parts of the world.

Still wrong IMO

Peshasofeight · 20/09/2007 00:01

I think its enjoy and consent. With beastiality and 10yo thai prostitutes there is no consent and probably no actual enjoyment on there part either.

PillockOfTheCommunity · 20/09/2007 00:02

we are not talking about some parts of the world. or underage sex.

we are talking about porn. please stop twisting this to your own experiences.

Peshasofeight · 20/09/2007 00:02

their

Elizabetth · 20/09/2007 00:02

And how many blokes have watched Animal Farm? Ask your nearest and dearest. I bet you'd be surprised.

nappynuttynormabutty · 20/09/2007 00:03

By Lauriefairycake on Wed 19-Sep-07 23:58:31
I'm having a problem with the word ENJOYING here.

Just cos someone enjoys cigarettes doesn't mean its good for you.

Just becuase Thai prostitutes aged 10 smile and say "I love you long time" doesn't mean they are enjoying it.

Some people enjoy hurting other people doesn't make it right.

I query ENJOY as being a valid reason to do something sexually. For all I know I could get off on bestiality - doesn't mean I should do it

Firstly enjoying something is a good reason for doing it. Many people smoke because they enjoy it, doesn't make it good for you...but then again I never claimed anal sex didn't have possible health implications. Secondly the Thai prostitutes are not enjoying it so that's irrelevant since we said "between consenting adults". Similarly I doubt the person being hurt enjoys it and hence would not be CONSENTING.

Lauriefairycake · 20/09/2007 00:04

Ok, I hear you.

Enjoy and Consent.

Trying to think of a less contentious example.

racking brains...

kneehighinnappies · 20/09/2007 00:05

So when exactly were we all supposedly Brainwahsed?

"because we are brainwashed into thinking that porn is sexy and liberating"

I don't remember my parents ever telling me that I had to like porn cause it is sexy and liberating!

I like watching other people have sex, so what it doesn't make me a sexual deviant.