Thread 2 ow/emotional affair/pregnant

[Cupcakesaregood]

Hi @Bunnyfuller I'm a way I could almost forgive a physical affair more? If it has just been emotional (for the moment) then that just shows the pull she has on him.

I always wanted two children. So did my H at some point when he was happy. I know this new addition isn't going to fix anything. I think part of me just thought well maybe he's going along with it because he does want me. But I'm thinking now it's more because I went on and on about wanting another. Which explains that message I found saying to her that there are things going on that mean trouble for him.

Do I want to call her? Yes. Because I know if I tell her I'm pregnant it will hurt her and she will go. I'm stopping myself though because what I've learnt is I have forced my hand too much in this situation. He needs to make these steps not me. He obviously cares very much about losing her. It's almost like he's protecting her more

Did you end up contacting the OW?

Hi OP I hope you are ok, you don't have to come back to update us on anything you don't want to. Just give us a hello when you get the chance

Thinking of you

Hope you're ok @crispysausagerolls

Sorry @crispysausagerolls wrong tag 🙈

@Wowthisisreal

No problem - I am indeed ok 😁 thanks for asking!

Am also hoping @Cupcakesaregood is ok!

Hi @Wowthisisreal @crispysausagerolls @Dozycuntlaters just wanted to say a huge thank you for checking up on me, it was so nice to see. Had a rubbish couple of weeks, ds1 poorly (not covid) but was a scary time.

No update on situation, number still in phone

Hope you are all safe and well xxx

No update on situation, number still in phone
I thought it was deleted from his phone and he's moved to twitter.

Take care of yourself and the little one.

On another note, the last few posts seem out of sync.

Hi @SandyY2K hope you're well, maybe my posts are out of sync..I checked his phone a few weeks ago and the number is there

But he deleted it?!? Has he re added?!

maybe my posts are out of sync..

I think it was a technical issue.

I checked his phone a few weeks ago and the number is there

He must have added it again then.

Like I've said before....focus on yourself for now, or you'll become unduly stressed and that's not good for the baby.

Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. I thought I'd stay off here and not update anyone until I actually had something to update with. Before I say it though I want to thank everyone again. Your honesty, straight forwardness etc has really helped. So here's what's been happening:

We've been keeping it together for our son, but I've been able to tell his mind has been somewherelse. I checked his phone again 2 weeks ago and he tried to call her. The call only lasted a couple of seconds so was it to just hear her voice? I'm not sure.

Over the past week I confided in a techy friend, and she told me how to sync my iPad so I can get his WhatsApp messages. So I did it. There had been nothing for a week..until today.
He sends her a photo with the caption 'Happy Memories'. The photo is of their team when they worked together.
He apologised for not being in contact for a few months. (Remember we guessed that was the case) she seemed happy to hear from him. He said he had tried to call her a couple of times. Their convo was mundane, but you could tell she was happy he contacted her. He then left the convo without saying night/bye, so quite abruptly. He still hasn't told her I'm pregnant. (Please don't respond with you need to tell her, I'm trying to keep my stress as low as poss) will he contact her again?
Sorry for the long read but you've all been so helpful, thought you should know

Hello, it’s so disappointing to hear this. Honestly I don’t know how you are managing/coping with all of this. How have things been between you and him?
To answer your question on do I think he will contact her again - yes I do. Whether that is by WhatsApp, twitter, phone calls I just don’t know. You deserve better than all of this.

Hi @Artandlove so nice to hear from you. Honestly, we've just been going through the motions. But something clicked in me and I wanted to find out whereas before I've been trying to pretend the fact he has her number etc didn't exist.

I synced about a week ago now and there had been nothing and that was confirmed in one of the first messages he sent her today apologising for the no contact for so long.

I thought maybe he was never going to contact her again but then because he had her number I knew deep down he always was.

He left the convo very abruptly, I text my friend because I got paranoid that he knew I had done this but my friend said there was no way he'd know. I'm not sure why he left so abruptly because they were in the middle of a convo. There was nothing untoward in the convo..apart from that picture that he sent. 'Happy Memories' IE when he was happy because she was in his life!

Hi... I hope you're keeping safe and well above all else. I was wondering how you've been.

Not much has happened really as far as your relationship is concerned with the update.

I guess you now know for sure he's not been in touch with her for a while and that she doesn't know you're pregnant.

Him contacting her is the very reason OWs are advised to block the MM ...because this rekindled contact just sets back their healing. It gives the OW false hope that he may be leaving the marriage.

He needs to leave her alone, so she can get on with her life. What he's doing isn't good.

It's not that my sympathy particularly lies with her, but your H is making it hard for her and it's no way to behave. Would he like it if a daughter of his was treated how he's treating either of you? I'm sure he wouldn't.

My previous views and advice haven't changed in relation to your marriage.

Take care

Hi @SandyY2K so good to hear from you. It didn't bring me any sort of joy that he hadn't been in contact with her as it seems now he was just biding his time. He should have blocked her for my and our families sake so the fact he didn't, tells me everything.

Just the fact that he sent her something saying 'Happy Memories' just shows me that he cares about her.

I have a lot of thinking to do

I was actually just thinking of you this morning

I think this make things extremely clear. I’m sorry x

Did he not promise to cut contact? If he did he’s let you down once again, and will certainly continue to do so. I’m so sorry. When are you due

Just the fact that he sent her something saying 'Happy Memories' just shows me that he cares about her.

I think deep down you always knew this was the case, but possibly hoped his feeling for had faded.

If he didn't care about her, he wouldn't have still had her number and created the Twitter account after you made him delete the number.

He should have blocked her for my and our families sake so the fact he didn't, tells me everything

Once again, his actions have long since shown that sadly your feelings aren't so high for him. In his mind, he can continue to have his 'family' because in spite of his affair and continued actions, he doesn't see that you'll be going anywhere.

Hi @SandyY2K @Girlsjustwanna @crispysausagerolls so nice to hear from you all. There have been more messages this morning. She asked him outright if he still had feelings for her and he said that 'all he knows is he wants her in his life' - he obviously does have feelings for her why is he being coy with the response? Because he hasn't told her about the pregnancy yet?

Possibly. But it really doesn't matter. You are torturing yourself second guessing him.

He said he would break contact. He has not and in fact is now putting out feelers for an affair. Whilst you are carrying his child.

You need to find a way to face this, and make decisions about what you do.

Hi Cupcakesaregood I hope you are ok. I have read both of your threads. I just want to say that I hope you find the strength to leave him, you deserve so much more and to be the centre of his attention. I also hope the OW also moves on into a normal, happy relationship and he is left without either of you. I think that is what someone as spineless and pathetic as him needs as he also needs to take an active role in his own life and get you both out of this terrible limbo you are in. Walk away and give him the kick up the arse he needs. Hard I know x

I've followed both your threads and I just want to echo what others have said.

This can't be the life that you settle for. He's shown you who he is. Even if he never saw or spoke to her again then he's not happy is he? Neither are you.

In time the children will know too.

I know the pain and agony that affairs bring but honestly it won't get better from here.

I hope you're ok

She asked him outright if he still had feelings for her and he said that 'all he knows is he wants her in his life'

He's messing about with her feelings and it's not right. Giving her a wishy-washy non committal response like that.

It's a shame she hasn't moved on and blocked him on every angle.

He's treating you with no regard and it's not right. Regardless of his feelings fir her...he doesn't have those feelings for you.

Is this the role model of a father you want? Of course he'll always be their father, but all this will just erode your self esteem and turn you into something you or nobody else will like. You shouldn't have to put up with it.

Even if there was no OW... and say you saw messages where he had told a male friend of his, that he didn't love you..he's just there for the kids etc . ... wouldn't that be enough for you to make a decision about the future of your marriage?

I really encourage you to get some individual counselling.
Talking with a professional can be really helpful.