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Original poster

Would it bother you if your partner can't 'finish'?

142 replies

inamechange · 03/05/2020 21:41

If you have a male partner that is. And By finish, I mean ejaculate.

My husband very very rarely can. In fact I think he only has done it 2 or maybe 3 times in three years. Sex always finishes as he's either too tired or gone soft. It lasts maybe 10- 15 minutes before this point. We are both in our late 20s so it can't be due to age.

Taking out issues TTC (Which is obviously a worry) I wondered if others would care in this situation. Because I do care - I feel sort of inadequate that he never finishes as it's not difficult for the majority of men is it? I feel a man finishing is a signal he enjoyed it at least. But I have not had much sexual experience. I know logically I shouldn't blame myself and it is probably a medical issue, but he refuses to consider he may have an issue in this regard.

He says it shouldn't bother me and other women wouldn't care as long as they enjoy it. I can't ask my friends about this so I'm asking anonymously on the internet if it's normal for me to bothered by this?

OP posts:
Inferiorbeing · 03/05/2020 21:42

It would bother me, I'm not really sure why but it definitely would

pallisers · 03/05/2020 21:43

Yes it would bother me a lot if it was the norm rather than an exception. The two of us enjoying sex is important to me.

How about you? Do you enjoy sex with him? do you orgasm?

bigchris · 03/05/2020 21:44

It would bother me
A female friend is with someone who has never finished , he had psychological reasons for it but it also meant they never had children, she loves him and has sacrificed a lot but he wouldnt get help

BacklashStarts · 03/05/2020 21:45

Yes that would bother me. I’m would feel like he wasn’t really enjoying it.

MondeoFan · 03/05/2020 21:45

It would be a deal breaker for me unfortunately. Is probably take it personally and presume there was something wrong with me and I was unfanciable etc
I dunno. I just wouldn't like it

Doingitaloneandproud · 03/05/2020 21:46

My partners the same and if I'm honest it really bothers me. I just find it strange and it makes me wonder if he does enjoy sex with me but he says he does and we have it a lot, it's just a strange one that I've never experienced before! Mine said he's always been like it...

mistermagpie · 03/05/2020 21:47

It would bother me. I did go out with a guy who had this problem and he would be banging away for ages trying to 'finish' til I got sore and, frankly, bored. He also wouldn't admit he had a problem.

Does he ejaculate by himself? Have you asked?

Incrediblytired · 03/05/2020 21:47

So, yes but sometimes I find it happens. Like generally it’s all fine but my hubs does this thing where if he’s over excited early in the game, he goes into a different headspace and then sometimes he just can’t... like I’ll be virtually dead and have tried everything and it just doesn’t happen. This is especially annoying if I’m only semi up for it in the first place and think it’ll be nice to have a quickie..not a bloody marathon!

It’s not the best. Is your partner doing this?

koffeetoast · 03/05/2020 21:47

Finishing is one of the best bits. I would worry about having children but also be concerned that there is a physical or psychological reason why he cant finish. I know it's not always about finishing but surely he wants to ejaculate and isnt satisfied either

EggysMom · 03/05/2020 21:48

My DH sometimes 'finishes' and sometimes doesn't. He doesn't like me getting wound up about it, and says that he doesn't mind, he's more bothered about me. I've learnt to accept it.

Babooshkar · 03/05/2020 21:51

Does he ‘finish’ when he masturbates?

Justathinslice · 03/05/2020 21:52

I had an ex ( male) who never orgasmed through intercourse.
He could only orgasm with his own hand.

It was tip of the iceberg of all our problems. I think he had a porn/ death grip problem, which in turn was a symptom of his inability to get close to anyone.
I hope this doesn't apply to you. I found the lack of intimacy sould destroying after awhile 🥴

zippyswife · 03/05/2020 21:52

It’s a big deal. I pretended to myself it wasn’t but it is. 15 years down the line I can’t face it at all. No one needs to put up with crap sex.

okiedokieme · 03/05/2020 21:52

Depends on age, in my 20's it would have upset me but now it's not an issue, you learn with age that there's far more important things in a relationship. Medication means it can be hard for men, antidepressants are the issue here. You need to talk about it as it's worrying you but your overall relationship needs to be looked at rather than one aspect, if it's good we'll ...

Palavah · 03/05/2020 21:53

Yes, it's hard not to take it personally. Plus part of the joy of sex, especially someone you care about, is seeing/feeling the climax of their pleasure, even if it's not exactly the same time as yours.

This situation is often blamed on the 'death grip' - too much wanking over porn.

Have you asked yourself what it is that bothers you about it?

I get that it must be hard to talk to your partner about how you feel without him feeling under attack for something that is hard for him to control?

CodenameVillanelle · 03/05/2020 21:53

Yes I'd hate it
The odd occasion doesn't matter but every time? Nope. It would put me off having sex tbh.

Healthyandhappy · 03/05/2020 21:53

Does he take anti depressants when my hubby took citalopram he was same fine in fluoxetine

Original poster
inamechange · 03/05/2020 21:55

He doesn't like talking about masturbation - he says he can but we've been inside together 24/7 during lockdown for over a month and I haven't seen him do it at all so I don't think he's interested in even doing that.

OP posts:
rvby · 03/05/2020 21:55

It would bother me. If I was early dating someone like this, I'd finish the relationship for sure, especially if I were only in my 20s! If it were a problem that developed in his old age after many years together, that would be easier.

Its slightly bizarre that he is telling you "other women" wouldn't care? Who cares about what other women would think. It matters what YOU think.

"Other men" can usually finish, especially at his age, so by his logic he has a problem then...

Original poster
inamechange · 03/05/2020 21:58

He's not on antidepressants

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 03/05/2020 22:02

Yes, because it means you can't have kids. And it's weird and depressing.

SimplySteveRedux · 03/05/2020 22:02

Death grip wanking is usually the number one cause - it's not tight enough vaginally to replicate.

However, prostate issues can manifest in the same way, an enlarged gland can put pressure on the urethra making finishing impossible, and needs checking pronto.

fia101 · 03/05/2020 22:03

What about ttc? I assume because you've mentioned it you want children

Rtmhwales · 03/05/2020 22:03

Yeah, I ended a relationship over this exact reason.

Hedgehog44 · 03/05/2020 22:06

I couldn't cope with that, I am too insecure. It's probably a psychological thing which could be helped but I know I would take it personally.

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