NABP
As someone whose DH had an 'emotional' affair last year, can I please encourage you to remain strong? I read the original post when you first wrote last year, and thought how courageous you were then.
I happen to think that any relationship outside the marriage which threatens to cause the unknowing (or knowing) partner pain, is an affair. But this is not the point. You made a decision last year and have been working hard to maintain that decision. You need to assess whether that decision was a right one.
Have you thought about counselling to help you work through your feelings about the OM? (I'm sorry i cannot remember if you mentioned having tried this option). It strikes me that the feelings may keep on recurring until you've had a chance to understand what the relationship offered you and what it truly meant to you. Only then will you be able to judge whether what you have is what you really want.
In my case, DH's admission about the affair made me assess what I want from my marriage (to stay with DH) and we have been working things through at Relate. I still don't know if we will stay together but we stand a better chance now that we are trying to do something about it.
Something I have come to realise though, is that despite wishing this hadn't happened, I have to accept the affair has happened and I have to assess my marriage on that basis. Might your DH not have the right to sit down with you and look at your relationship together? He's got choices too. At the moment, he's only getting part of the real you, I suspect.
Hope this isn't too emotive. I can really understand how hard it must be to sustain a decision like this.