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Original poster

Where the hell did he go (a ghosting one)?

81 replies

GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 16:49

Typical ghosting story - we’ve been talking for a month via OLD & now WhatsApp. Usually text 3-4 times a week with long replies (think 10+ messages a time). We share pics of our hobbies, new decorating projects, selfies, etc. We’d been planning how our first date could look - lots of ‘I can’t wait to show you x when you come over’, etc. I’d been enjoying our chat and had considered asking him for a FaceTime date (I haven’t mentioned it yet).

He messaged me last Sunday night. I replied Monday. Nothing all week. So I sent a funny pic Friday evening of what I was up to. Still nothing.

The bizarre thing is he hasn’t even read any of it - it’s delivered but unread. I’m not blocked and still matched on OLD. He just completely vanished!

So where the hell did he go? I kind of get reading a message and then thinking, nah, don’t like the response/ can’t be bothered, etc (though still crap) but to have even opened the messages is weird, right?

Has this happened to you before? Did you ever find out why?

OP posts:
ahsan · 27/04/2020 16:52

Maybe he’s dropped dead, try keep yourself busy I’m sure he will respond in his own time

Glitterb · 27/04/2020 16:55

I wouldn’t give this a moment more if your time, you never met and he may possibly have decided to speak to other people.

He may have muted your conversations on whatsapp, hence why they have gone unread.

Yes it has happened to me in the past I never really found out why!

GoodUserName · 27/04/2020 17:03

I don't know much about online dating but he messaged you on Sunday and you replied on Monday, I personally couldn't be bothered with that, even when I was dating dh if I text him and he didn't reply (esp in a lockdown) I would have thought he was playing games but then again we dated over 20 years ago and I know things have changed so maybe this is my very out dated view.

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:06

I’m more bemused that anything else. I have been ghosted once before (but someone I’d been on several dates with to make matters worse), but he did read my messages and just didn’t ever respond. This just seems strange.

I’d love to hear from ‘ghosters’ on their reasons.

He lives too far away for me realistically anyway so it’s not a big deal. I think dating is going on the back-burner until I can arrange to meet within 2 weeks which is my normal preference.
I just don’t want to spent a month of my life talking to someone for them to just disappear before having an actual face to face conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:07

I don't know much about online dating but he messaged you on Sunday and you replied on Monday, I personally couldn't be bothered with that

Well it was at 11pm Sun evening and I was asleep so I’m not sure how I could have mitigated that tbh.

OP posts:
AskEvans · 27/04/2020 17:10

He might have just lost his phone and trying to get a new one. My boyfriend lost his phone when we were dating early on and it took him a few days to get a new one. I was sending messages that were left on unread.
Is there any other way he can contact you - email/landline? If there isn't it could be the above.

triedandtestedteacher · 27/04/2020 17:13

Anything before the face to face date is nonsense. I wouldn't waste time texting, calling and video chatting for a month even with the corona virus. Just leads to fantasy relationships

BackseatCookers · 27/04/2020 17:19

Anything before the face to face date is nonsense. I wouldn't waste time texting, calling and video chatting for a month even with the corona virus. Just leads to fantasy relationships

I agree with this I'm afraid. Also he may have seen you've messaged and been a coward about not wanting to progress anything with you so left it unread and is now just ignoring you.

A guy I used to work with would boast about his oh so clever technique of putting his phone in airplane mode then reading a message, then coming out of whatsapp and putting it back online. Somehow it didn't then show the message had been read. So he said. I couldn't be arsed to play those kind of games for anyone so hopefully the women he ghosted felt the same!

Onwards and upwards OP - I would take anything said on messaging before meeting with a massive pinch of salt, especially during lockdown when people are feeling lonely and bored and horny so are spending more time messaging than normal.

This is a case of thank you, next.

AvoidingRealHumans · 27/04/2020 17:23

This is shit and only he will know why he has done it.
As pp said, he could be using the airplane mode trick or could have switched off read receipts and read your message.
I would try and forget about him.

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:24

I am also lonely, bored and horny Blush so it was nice to have someone to talk to (though we never spoke about sex, interestingly).

Ah well, it’s a shame as he seemed nice and a good conversationalist but if he’s the type to ghost then he’s not really that great a person 🤷‍♀️

Dating on hold for now until there’s an end in sight for lockdown I think!

OP posts:
PiscesLady · 27/04/2020 17:28

That is odd. No wonder you are questioning this as I certainly would. Seems he has gone hot and cold.

Sorry OP. Maybe he has blocked you on WhatsApp? Is there 2 ticks or 1?

triedandtestedteacher · 27/04/2020 17:31

And they sense that you're lonely and horny... it's not appealing.
Busy, exciting women don't have time for endless chit chat online. Give them all a handful of exchanges spread out. If they're not asking to meet, move on. Meanwhile get busy with work, exercise, books, crafting, beauty... anything but investing lots of time on men online.

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:33

2 ticks. Definitely not blocked. I can see his photo and status. I don’t understand it - messages me Sun night with loads of questions, lots of chatting etc, I reply Mon lunch time - then nothing at all... It really is like he’s just combusted or something.

But I am in the camp of ‘not real until you’ve met in person’ so I’m not really cut up about it. Just more confused and a bit disappointed.

OP posts:
PiscesLady · 27/04/2020 17:33

I completely agree with @triedandtestedteacher

Keep yourself busy. Move on. It's hard but you will find someone else.

Keep us updated if you do hear.

PiscesLady · 27/04/2020 17:36

So you are not blocked. I agree with the posters who have said he may have muted you. It hurts but you are clearly not worth his time, don't make him a priority.

Viviennemary · 27/04/2020 17:36

I think he's already in a relationship and has got cold feet. But who knows.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/04/2020 17:40

dammit.. Hmm I wanna know where he's gone too... is that wrong Blush

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:43

I am quite busy thankfully. I’m working from home and have an exhausting toddler to contend with. Evenings I’ve picked up jigsaw puzzles, reading and playing some video games. I do have friends I talk to and I actually started a casual relationship before lockdown who I still talk to, but I’d been hoping to go into something new with a more ‘see what happens attitude’.

I will let you know if I do hear from him again. I’m still on the fence as to whether he’ll reappear in the next week or he has disappeared entirely.

OP posts:
Mikki2019 · 27/04/2020 17:47

Maybe he’s ill ? Maybe he’s in hospital w coronavirus ? Maybe his mum is poorly ? Who knows !

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 17:49

BumbleBeee69

Not at all! I want to know too!

I’ve consider a few things:
He’s now a Mormon
Has he had a horrible accident (he’s an electrician fixing his house - who knows what he’s done)
He’s a 5G conspiracist and has chucked his phone out
He’s married and has been found out
He’s travelled to some remote location in fear of the virus and no longer has signal to reply

Though reality - he’s not interested any longer and just can’t be bothered to let me know OR even read messages (still - 12 hours after sending 16 messages himself! WTF?).

OP posts:
DippingToes · 27/04/2020 17:53

OP, even if he does appear with an excuse, he's shown he's not a very nice person here. Even if he HAD by some chance lost his phone, he's had plenty of time to get a new one by now. And surely he has a computer? He could contact you through your dating app on there.

Sorry. You're worth much more than this. Thanks

MerryDeath · 27/04/2020 18:01

why do you care?!

Original poster
GhostsAreReal · 27/04/2020 18:07

DippingToes

Thank you - I think unfortunately the rise of online dating means that people are treated as commodities rather than other people human beings so respect is poor.

I would never ghost someone. The only time I’ve blocked and ignored is after some idiot I’d been speaking to for a weekend asked if I was ‘into chocking and being eaten out’ (our conversation hadn’t been sexual). Confused I didn’t even have a response for that.

I don’t care about him per say, but I think it’s always a confidence knock when someone feels really interested then suddenly just disappears - you can’t help thinking ‘what’s wrong with me’, even if realistically you know this is nothing about you. It’s just a bit crap.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 27/04/2020 18:07

Some strange people do this just for kicks or to massage their ego.
They reel some one in , making them feel special, then totally drop them in order to see how they respond / how long they try to keep contact up etc.
You may never know the reason, just try to put it behind you now.

savingherlife · 27/04/2020 18:11

Can you see his 'last seen' time? Was it before or after your messages? If after, he's seen them but not 'read' as he's ignoring you but doesn't want you to know that!