Where the hell did he go (a ghosting one)?

[GhostsAreReal]

Typical ghosting story - we’ve been talking for a month via OLD & now WhatsApp. Usually text 3-4 times a week with long replies (think 10+ messages a time). We share pics of our hobbies, new decorating projects, selfies, etc. We’d been planning how our first date could look - lots of ‘I can’t wait to show you x when you come over’, etc. I’d been enjoying our chat and had considered asking him for a FaceTime date (I haven’t mentioned it yet).

He messaged me last Sunday night. I replied Monday. Nothing all week. So I sent a funny pic Friday evening of what I was up to. Still nothing.

The bizarre thing is he hasn’t even read any of it - it’s delivered but unread. I’m not blocked and still matched on OLD. He just completely vanished!

So where the hell did he go? I kind of get reading a message and then thinking, nah, don’t like the response/ can’t be bothered, etc (though still crap) but to have even opened the messages is weird, right?

Has this happened to you before? Did you ever find out why?

[Umnoway]

Probably muted you and archived or deleted the chat so he doesn’t see it anymore. Who knows, it’s not worth wasting time wondering really. Maybe he’s married and his wife found out? Maybe he just got bored or found other options? Maybe he’s really sick and hasn’t checked his phone? Doesn’t really matter though, you’ve never even met so at least you haven’t wasted any real time on him.

[Riv]

it's just possible that he might be ill like Mikki suggests? This virus that has caused us all to isolate can come on very quickly, can be really serious and the symptoms and take an age to go.

[Eesha]

Op, I was ghosted a week ago after a month of chatting. He actually contacted me today, no explanation. My suspicions with these things are they have found a new distraction or had a partner already. I told him that in my response today, and he replied he felt I was overreacting but that he was sorry. Still no explanation though. I deleted. It's horrible but it happens. You'll get over it.

[WitchWife]

Presumably he saw the messages when they flashed up on his phone but hasn't opened them in the app.

So he has read them.

Why hasn't he been in touch? Personally I'd assume decided to make a new life as a monk/suddenly realised he was gay the whole time/held prisoner by goblins.

[Mucklowe]

Sack him off.

You'll only waste your time wondering.

[GhostsAreReal]

I can’t see his last seen. I have mine turned off, but I did turn it off to look and he’s got it turned off too. I’ve not seen him online at any point so there’s a small part of me that’s worried something has happened to him or his family.

I think with WhatsApp you can see the message in notifications but not pics, so I’m surprised he’s not been curious enough to open the message chain.

I doubt he’s married (though of course I don’t know), but he’s sent me loads of pics with his new house renovations but there’s no feminine touches. He’s also quite young (late 20s) - though there’s nothing to stop him having a g/f he’s not in lockdown with ofc. But I still wonder if someone would be so blatant with their OLD accounts if they are in relationships - wouldn’t they be afraid friends will come across them?

[GhostsAreReal]

Eesha I’m sorry to hear it happened to you too! I’m glad you handled it like that though! If they can’t make an effort at this stage, it’s hardly reassuring for the future.

Funnily enough, my casual also dropped contact for the past week too but I decided to get in touch on Sat to see how he was - he said one of his friends had died so he wasn’t doing well. Which is making me wonder about the situation with this guy and whether I’m being too harsh to judge him at this stage.

[sunflowersandtulips50]

Hmm given the current situation I would be leaning towards either him being ill or one of his family.

[sugarlost]

It's hard when you've message's alot and feel a connection but it's virtual and fantasy until you meet.

I met a guy online prior to Lockdown and we got on well but he was asking for online dating advice during our real life date. I thought he wasn't interested but he suggested meeting after his holiday... didn't hear from him for about a month and he wanted to meet again..it was pleasant but I wasn't fussed about meeting again as no spark. He asked me to the park over Lockdown and also asked about going to his...both I declined. A month goes by and you guessed it his in touch.... I haven't responded. They're seeing lots of women and I was at the bottom of the list...never make them a priority when you're only an option.

[userabcname]

I was ghosted once. Worse though - I'd had a date with him at the pub for a drink (got the feeling he wasn't interested by the handshake and "take care" he ended the date with!!!) so clearly it was something about me in person that put him off. Anyway, from multiple daily messages it went to nothing at all....until about a month later when my phone went off during a zumba class and it was him wondering if I "fancied a drink". I'd actually started dating my now DH in the interim, and it was very satisfying blocking him with no reply.

[GhostsAreReal]

sunflowersandtulips50

I have been thinking that. He doesn’t ever seem to be online and I don’t want to write him off considering what’s happening in the world. But if he doesn’t explain himself, I can only assume he’s ghosted me.

sugarlost and KatnissK - it’s interesting you’ve both shared a similar pattern there. I wonder if that’s the problem, that we constantly end up being ’fallback girls’ for whatever reason - so perfectly attractive, funny, interesting people - but they are chasing something more elusive then decide to come back when they can’t find the ‘perfect’ person they are looking for.

[anotherdisaster]

You can preview photos on WhatsApp! I can preview messages from the notification without it showing as read. So he may well have seen it.
You may never get an answer to this so try your best to put it to one side and carry on like he never existed. If, by some miracle, he has a great excuse then he will message again at some point. Its pants though.

[sugarlost]

GhostsAreReal
I think you are right. I'm ok looking, funny I'm told, make people feel comfortable and I'm easy going... maybe that's my biggest mistake!

Reminds me of the long dates I has with one guy... again I felt no spark but I think he liked the company ... he would always initiate the dates and say he had a nice day with me after...we'd meet around 2 and sometimes I'd be home at 9. I think we had a three dates...same get rid excuse now I think of it...he was going on holiday...heard nothing for months maybe it was around the world trip.... then I get that familiar message...he'd like to meet again and apologising but he was dating someone else too and thought he'd give it a go with her but it didn't work out so would I like to meet up... also adding he's really not that bad

[AskEvans]

I had a date once with a guy years ago - we went to a pub in his car and while we were in there he got chatting with another girl and then came back to me and asked if I wouldnt mind getting myself home as he had decided he was going to go home with the other girl!

[Bigblue1970]

Ask a friend to add his number in their phone and see if they can see his 'last seen'. At least you'll know then.

[GhostsAreReal]

AskEvans that’s actually appalling! I can’t believe anyone could be such a dick. Some people are awful!

[thecatsarecrazy]

Who knows. I've been chatting with someone. Someone I shouldn't 😳. Last time he spoke was Saturday before last. Same kind of conversation no reason for me to think he was going to vanish but not heard from him since. He's either stopped contact or his phone broken again. I just have to try and forget and move on but I do miss him.

[Eesha]

I honestly think we clutch at straws, have they died etc but actually there's a teeny tiny possibility of this. They are just rude people.

[Eesha]

With the iron who ghosted me but came back, I was tempted to ask why but I don't believe he would ever be honest. So I said my peace then deleted.

[thecatsarecrazy]

The person I've been chatting with vanished for a month last time. I was stupid enough to let him carry on chatting. I should have known better

[GhostsAreReal]

Well, after this he did actually message last night with his usual multiple replies.

He apologised, said he’d been working on his uni work as the deadline was end of last week and studying for the upcoming exams. So had been avoiding WhatsApp and any other distractions.

[Honeybee85]

Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he got really ill and can't currently reply to any message. Or perhaps you're being ghosted because there are lots of dickheads out there.

Either way the best thing you can give yourself now is accepting that you don't hear from him again and move on. Tell yourself he ghosted you, because if you keep hoping for a message that might never come it will become a torture.
If he unexpectedly does come back, he better have a very good reason for his behavior or else you better ghost him, permanently.

[Honeybee85]

Saw your update now....this would be a red flag for me.

As my ex once said: nobody is too busy to send a short text because everyone has to go to the toilet now and turn.

[Honeybee85]

And then. Damn autocorrect

[NotKeenOnSwede]

If he was decent he would have said "don't be offended if I don't get in touch for a few days, I have an assignment that needs finishing by Monday. I do hope you understand because I genuinely want to meet you. Just to let you know".

He will ghost you again. Cut him loose.