Where the hell did he go (a ghosting one)?

[GhostsAreReal]

Typical ghosting story - we’ve been talking for a month via OLD & now WhatsApp. Usually text 3-4 times a week with long replies (think 10+ messages a time). We share pics of our hobbies, new decorating projects, selfies, etc. We’d been planning how our first date could look - lots of ‘I can’t wait to show you x when you come over’, etc. I’d been enjoying our chat and had considered asking him for a FaceTime date (I haven’t mentioned it yet).

He messaged me last Sunday night. I replied Monday. Nothing all week. So I sent a funny pic Friday evening of what I was up to. Still nothing.

The bizarre thing is he hasn’t even read any of it - it’s delivered but unread. I’m not blocked and still matched on OLD. He just completely vanished!

So where the hell did he go? I kind of get reading a message and then thinking, nah, don’t like the response/ can’t be bothered, etc (though still crap) but to have even opened the messages is weird, right?

Has this happened to you before? Did you ever find out why?

[Dozer]

You SAY you’re in the “not real until you meet” camp, but are having lengthy periods of messaging etc. Waste of your time/energy.

“Anything before a face to face date is nonsense”

[Dozer]

“I seem to attract them.”

That’s not the issue. An issue is that you’re not stopping contact with men who are not looking to meet up in person / have a relationship. Having a “casual” relationship when this doesn’t seem to be what you actually want.

[GhostsAreReal]

Just to let you all know, I did reply and say I was a bit disappointed that he didn’t let me know if he’s too busy to talk. He’s been frequently apologetic and messaging a lot since so I don’t know really 🤷‍♀️

But at the moment I don’t have the enthusiasm to start anything new right now. And I do enjoy the chat. So I’m going to talk to him for now and see how things feel over the next few weeks until meeting is an option.

[GhostsAreReal]

That’s not the issue. An issue is that you’re not stopping contact with men who are not looking to meet up in person / have a relationship. Having a “casual” relationship when this doesn’t seem to be what you actually want.

I think it’s a confusing time. I went into my date with my casual thinking that’s what I wanted - actually it was the first guy I dated since my ex so I guess it was more ‘rebound’ territory and confused me. Looking at him now after being away for 5-6 weeks, he would be terrible long-term relationship material. But he is a good casual choice. Local, attractive, fun. But nothing in common at all!

As for this new guy - I’m fairly certain he is would like to meet in person but we’re been talking through lockdown so the opportunity isn’t there. And I’m still not sure if I’m looking for something serious at the moment or not. I’m going with more of a ‘let’s hang out, have fun and see’ rather than actively looking for anything more substantial. So on that basis I’ve decided to just give it a go and see for now.

[PicsInRed]

Ultimately you can dump him or eventually he will dump (or ghost) you ... but this will end.

How quickly it ends will determine whether your heart is broken.

[vixxo]

There's already a power imbalance before you've even met him, you care more than he does. The uni work excuse was bullshit.