Is this just too distasteful?

[4tplussome]

Before I'm jumped on I'm thinking yes it is

I'm late 40s . I don't look my age by any stretch but I am late forties none the less.

I'm single, and on some kind line dating sites .

Had a few dates - nothing special. I'm happy alone tbh .

On one site a very young man has been messaging me. Now I'm not stupid at all - I know he's probably on some top trumps competition for a cougar or something.....but he is very persistent and I actually feel a bit of a connection. I've had loads of young men message and I've dismissed them all . Except this one . He is younger than my kids and I'm thinking just no.....
Yet he seems very clear about what he wants and is quite refreshing. I've been chatting. I should block shouldn't I? I feel like I should be in some register somewhere just for talking to him....

It’s not normal or healthy to go around the office asking Colleagues how old they think you look. As a Pp said, no one who is happy with themselves needs to go around seeking this kind of validation. It’s signals how desperate you are.

Of course everyone you ask will take 10 years off what they actually think. Everyone knows that someone asking this question doesn't want the truth, they want flattery. You are basically fishing for compliments.

This is a very inappropriate way to behave at work.

And I know that the OP will come back and say that no one minded answering. Of course they didn’t tell you that it was a weird question - they just wanted to answer and get out of such an awkward situation.

Or perhaps @4tplussome will respond that either I’m jealous of her beauty or her ability to catch a young man. Or I’m a prude who doesn't think women should have sex.

These seem to be the put downs for anyone who disagrees with her.

It's the cringiest thread I've ever read. I love it! Cant wait for the breathy update. Clit Lit at its finest.

Ok.

If I'm outed it's as my incarceration as vicar in a tutu and then maybe April skies.

So for context. I left my husband of 28 years when 42. We raised two amazing children and ex and I are still the best of friends.

I then embarked on a relationship with an "unsuitable " man . Had echos of childhood abuse which I probably did find familiar. To excuse the behaviour shown to me I was told that at the age of 7 I must have asked for it .
I got pg to this one at 44 but had a termination for medical reasons at 15 weeks after which I was totally abandoned. Endured a bit more abuse because I wanted to make things work. It didn't . I left .

So not the easiest of times for the last 6 years.

I left that partner and set up home alone . Been alone and happy ever since .

If I've needed a little validation that I'm ok, worthy, and attractive then I'm guilty.
I've been in counselling but all issues worked through and put to bed . I thought I would now be alone for the rest of my life .

I did definitely believe at first this man from an online dating site was taking the piss. I don't anymore. He is respectful, and I'm wondering why I shouldn't have a bit of fun with someone who makes me feel attractive, worthy, exciting,.

So I've outed myself. I have the sum total of 2 people from mn on Facebook, so I'm assuming that I've not actually outed myself in rl.

I wont answer any more of this now because I don't want to .

I'll take a long hard look at myself as advised.

Thank you. X

Bloody hell. I think you are a bit daft but you didn't deserve to be locked up !

incarnation even!

Although incarceration might be safer for me ....

Why are you telling us all this? You're gushing over him like a teenager scribbling in her diary. Is it a writing exercise or are you wanting to justify yourself to strangers?

You keep mentioning his age. And for one so young...ugh. Definitely getting a thrill out of it aren't you.
For the record, you describe him like he belongs on the softboi Insta page.

Oh notre please give it a rest now . He wants to talk as much as I do. What gives anyone the right to ride roughshod over his wants ? Whether you like it or don't he is an adult , fully grown man capable of making his own decisions.
He certainly doesn't look or come across as young or boy like .

Talking as we are is hurting no one .

At his age I was married mortgaged , working and a mum . He isn't a child .

And yes . I'm getting a fucking great big fat thrill. And - So is he .

Wondered when you'd be back. Sooner than I thought tbh

You only live once! You do you OP

ignore the bitter comments and naysayers. As long as you are careful and protect your feelings /watch out for red flags, as you should do for any man of any age, do what you want. You aren't hurting anybody.

🤣

How's things OP? Still going strong?

Nope!! Don't be foolish. Block and move on.. nothing will come of it, save yourself the hassle

@MissMaple82 RTFT

IveGotFrills

Still going swimmingly thank you !
Neither of us even think about age difference now - we both enjoy same music, books, niche tv and film, just keep finding more and more in common. We're planning a little weekend soirée as soon as lockdown is relaxed a bit which we're both very excited about
We speak a good few times a week by FaceTime and phone and are often chatting for hours - just seems easy .
He's also said potentially there is scope to see quite a lot of each other when he comes back to his uni digs as not far from me - and he is so very lovely I'm inclined to go for it !

oh - and just to say - on the subject of how old I look - I was with a lady Friday - she was reporting some domestic abuse so we got chatting and I was dealing with her report . totally and utterly unsolicited she began to chat about "our age" - I asked her age - 33. told her I wasn't her age. she said she thought I was same age as her. I smiled. I thought about this thread.

Age is just a number. Thrilled for you op. Keep us updated. You don't get many happy endings on MN ☺️

Ahhhh you're VIAT?! Sounds weird, but I often think of you when I'm on MN and hope you're doing okay. Clearly you are ... You're both consenting adults - enjoy your life!

Well I hope it goes well for you. And if it doesn’t then you just move on. It’s no big deal to try new things and take a risk. Might work out, might not. Like everything in life.

I couldn't have sex with someone the age of my children...

Thanks for the perspectives

Butterfly I honestly would have said the same but he's a strapping 6ft 2 sporty man - emphasis on man . He doesn't look or come across as young somehow. After being treated like dirt for last few years the fact he is so completely respectful is lovely and there is a mutual attraction- at this stage anyway. What's really nice is people keep telling me how well I look , (I must have looked like shit before 😂). But I'm really taking care of myself again , curling my hair , doing my nails, and I'm practically bouncing into work with a spring in my step I didn't know I had ! People are hitting on me left right and centre so I must be giving off the vibes ! 😂. I'm happy just to go with it now and see .

I don't know whether it's student life or what - but he has a political and social conscience, he is a vegetarian, and - he cooks .
When he realised I was the only person he knows who watched the killing (subtitled danish drama ) he was asking to marry me (joking obviously) but we have really hit it off . And it's just nice . Easy . I forget his age . He forgets mine . He says it doesn't matter. We'll see how things pan out because neither of ya is ready to be judged by our families just yet ....it's nice as it is . He can't wait to get back up north so we can spend some time together, and then I guess we'll see . If we don't get along for real it's a non issue . If we do - we just see i guess. It's him that's fine the running and I stopped trying to tell him what's good for him
I'm really really happy for the first time in a long time . If nothing else he has restored my mojo to its former glory .

Good for you x

So in a bizarre twist of fate he has managed to bag a scholarship for a year in Spain . He's balking and obviously I'm encouraging him to go for it . Means I think meeting will be futile. He S still saying let's enjoy the summer and I can just hop on a plane etc etc
But I'm not daft . I'm absolutely encouraging him to go - it's an amazing opportunity - he already speaks Spanish and he will no doubt meet someone his own age out there. He needs to go for it .
And I need to not meet him now . I'm fine .im really happy single .